Should a woman do whatever it takes to keep a man in her life, just b/c she has a child with him.?

Question

I love him very deeply but there are these things that keep happening that I don't agree with. He hasn't hit me in a long long time. Everything is good sometimes but then there are others and I have serious trust issues. He looks at a lot of porn and says he will marry me someday. but I have waited 7years. He thinks it won't change everything and when we argue he says it's good we aren't married but he won't leave. He just keeps doing his own thing and I try really hard to make up for every arguement and every way I can to keep him happy.

He is a wonderful father. I care and respect him a lot. He shows me many ways to handle things that I don't think of. Maybe it's just a clash of personalities that keeps us at odds.

So the hit was once when we were on LSD wayyyyy before the baby OUr very first year together. I was making noises when I was eating and he jabbed me in the throat. Is this a true malicious hit?

Answer 1

You need to focus on making yourself happy, not him. If you are not happy, you can't bring happiness into someone else's life.

Answer 2

I really believe you should leave him. Even though you have a child by him doesn't mean u should stay with him. Your child would understand if u leave him. You need to be happy. You said he hasn't hit u in a long time. That must mean he have hit u before, i always been told if they hit you once they would hit u again. It's not love, he said he's going to marry u, but he still hasn't and then u say he look at porn. He's not serious and he doesn't feel the same way about u, so my best advivce is that you move on to some one who will love you!

Answer 3

I tried for 6 years to make things work in a nowhere going relationship. I have a 2 year old son from that relationship. We had the same problems, mostly about trust and money. Wow, what a surprise, lol. Anyways, we were engaged for 5 of those years and never did tie the knot. If he wanted to marry u honey, he would have by now, dump this loser and dont look back. Is this what you want to be put through for years to come? Is this how you want to live? Think about your child and the situation you both are in. GET OUT NOW!!! Before it gets any worse....trust me, I have been here girl. Best choice I have EVER made. I now hove a wonderful man who treats me and my son like gold and is just everything I dreamed about. It took a while, but I found him, you can too if you give yourself that second chance and leave. You deserve it!

Good Luck

Answer 4

Welcome to Mommyhood!! I have a 4 1/2 month old (my first also), and was experiencing the same problem you are having. My husband started a new job right after our baby was born and used the excuse that he needed to get sleep at night so he wouldn't get fired. I dealt with this for about 3 1/2 months and was going absolutely crazy having no help. He would go to work, come home, eat dinner, then go into the bedroom to watch tv until he fell asleep. I saw him during dinner and that was it. It drove me nuts and I really needed help also to keep my sanity!! Most men don't realize that being a mom is a very hard and exhausting FULL time job...we just don't get paid to do it. Anyways, to make a long story short (I think I already blew that chance!) what I finally did was just had a talk with him. I told him how I felt, I think the words I used were that I felt like a single parent. I told him that ANY kind of help would be nice. He didn't realize that little things could mean so much. Now when he wakes up in the morning for work, our daughter usually wakes up around the same time. He will get her up and change her and get her bottle ready and then come and wake me up when he needs to leave for work. Just those two little simple things have meant the world to me because I'm able to get an extra 20 minutes of sleep or so. My daughter has really enjoyed being able to bond with her daddy during this time also. She went from waking up crying every morning to smiling at her daddy every morning!! Good luck, I know it is extremely difficult! Just try to get him to be more involved...as the baby gets older and is able to do more things like babble, smile, roll over, etc., he will start to realize what a cool little guy he has! :)

Answer 5

Wow this sounds like a question i could/should ask also. I only just woke up though. Pls move on!!! He doesn't love you trust me i know first hand if he did, he would have made an honest woman of u when u got pregnant for one. He's staying because your obviously good to him and he knows without any doubt u love him. Men love women adoring them and he'll keep u on the string as long as u allow him. Cut it don't let him drop u cause that will turn u into a bitter angry woman and woman to woman honey u don't want to be that. U're better off alone happy at peace than wondering and constantly doubting yourself. I'm talking straight from the heart. i've only just come out of the same situation and it hasn't been easy cause i sure did love the selfish ........ but i choose to be happy, healthy and peaceful. Good luck and God bless and Guide u!! IT TAKES GUTS

Answer 6

Don't tell me you would stay with him even if he cheated on you just because you two have a child together? Be smart and dump him, fast, before he ask you to marry him! It's not worth to be with a person that doesn't make you happy and may hit you, or even cheat on you for the sake of a child. I think is the other way around, your baby is better off without seeing you guys fighting, and arguing. Think about. Choose wisely.

Answer 7

No, you should not try to keep this man in your life. According to what I have read in your question, the man (1) has hit you in the past (2) looks at porn (3) makes promises he does not keep (4) treats you like crap (5) does his own thing no matter what. You do not say if your child is a boy or a girl, but right now, YOU are teaching that child the way if he is a boy that he will treat his gf when he gets older or if she is a girl, the way that she will allow her bf to treat her. Since children usually model their adult lives on what they are exposed to when they are children, YOU acting like a doormat will make it harder for your child to respect or get respect from their partner. LOSE THE LOSER. .

Answer 8

Just a word of advice, he is not going to but the cow when he can get the milk for free. If you have waited 7 years and are still unhappy get out. You are wasting your life away- not to mention the kids. You and the kid will be better off in the long run- trust me. It will be hard at first, but every day that goes by will get easier and easier. And once you are gone you hav eto hold your ground and not take him back. He;s knows you are weak and will most likely give in. Put your foot down and show him what he threw away.

Answer 9

Seems like he is a dictator, the controlling type of guy. You should never stay with anyone because of kids. You have to be happy and healthy to raise your kids. You are cheating them if you don't because all these things affects them. I don't have kids but I love this dictator who is divorced and have kids, it's been two years and he is the most romantic person but he is insecure and a dictator and Ive turned into a grouch and an insecure woman because of things that happen that this man thinks he shouldn't explain to me.
Please find the strength to leave, I'm not with mine right now because for the first time he broke up with me but I try to stay away from him by braking up but I always end up back with him. I still miss him, I hope he stays away because I never call back and eventually this too will pass. I know it too will for you, it always does but we don't see it and we don't try to work at it. take care

Answer 10

This is 21st century and women can be very independent.. If u considering about ur child's psychology, u leave him or u stay with him it'll be the same 4 ur child. Coz the different will only b the time.. soon or later u'll blew it off. My opinion, the sooner the better so u can move on even faster.

Answer 11

The fact that you have to ask should tell you something.

You can have a child with any man on Earth. That doesn't make the man a good one.

And this statement--He hasn't hit me in a long long time--means he HAS hit you which means he doesn't respect you.

Leave, honey. Save yourself and your child, and leave now. You CAN do better.