Worried about the effect this may hav on my son?

Question

My boyfriend works in the evenings. Our two year old son adores his father and around 9pm our two year son anticipates his return home from work (as has always done). Problem is my boyfriend comes home and just as soon as the phone rings he's out out the door with my two y.o crying and chasing him begging to be with him. I hate the fact that he does this and I am left having to console our son. This has even led to my toddler raoming around outside at midnight looking for dad. My b/f is to the point at times where he will walk out and close the door in my sons face or get out of bed with us and leave just as our son falls asleep.While my relationship has many problems centering around my b/f's thoughtlessness behavior and laziness as man , I have to wonder what effect this will have on our son.

Answer 1

A child learns what he sees> He sees his father leaving, he sees his father being lazy, he sees his father walking away from him when he is crying/begging to be with him, he sees his mother putting up with it, he sees his mother being made to be a doormat(no offense meant) Your son will grow up to act the same way. He will treat the person he is involved with the same way that you are being treated and his children will be pushed aside and forgotten. Your son will become the man his father is. You are the only one that can stop this, either make your boyfriend straighten up and act like the man and father he is suppose to be, or you need to get out of the relationship for your son's sake. You may love your boyfriend and not want to abandon your relationship with him, but you have someone who is suppose to be more important to you, and raising him to be the man you want him to be should take precedence over your feelings for your boyfriend. I mean if you tell your boyfriend that things have to change or it's over, and he chooses to walk away because he doesn't need or want to change anything about himself no matter who it is for(his son, not you) then you know how much you and your son mean to him.

Answer 2

It sounds like you stay with him for your child. This is NEVER a good idea. It is your responsibility to make sure your child is as happy as you can make him, but it is also your responsibility to teach him how a loving, thoughtful relationship should be. If he continues to see this, he will think that it's a normal healthy way to have a relationship. Not only is it affecting him now, but could have effects later on. If you are not happy with your boyfriend, and he is not giving your son the kind of attention he deserves, it's best to leave him. That will make you happier in the long run, and therefore make you able to be the best mommy possible.

Answer 3

Weither you realize this or not, this will have a major effect on your children. They are the best so say sponges. They absorb everything around them. So they are noticing this trend your b/f has. What does he need to go out for at night? Doesnt he want to spend time with his family? What is so important, that he cant be with them? I understand completely what is going on. My husband did this same thing when my second child was born. Always running out the door after dinner. He'd either sleep all day on his days off, and go out. Or he'd work, come home eat, clean up, and back out the door. I finally asked him what was going on, was he cheating? NO, he was scared to be around our children. He was scared to fail as a father. You know, he rarely asks to do much of anything, without us. He always wants to be around. You Should sit him down, weither you wake him at 4 in the morning, or catch him in between running out the door. Ask him what is going on. Give him an ultimatum. Make him respect both you, and your children. The best of luck to you.

Answer 4

No it is not fair to your son at all he should at least put your son to bed because your son should be asleep by 9:00 maybe the 2 of you can put him to sleep together like your boyfriend can give him a bath read him a story and put him down to sleep because your son should come first and if I were you I would mention that to him because your son should spend as much time as he could with him and that is not fair to you the girlfriend because i am sure you want to be with him as well its time to have a serious talk

Answer 5

What do you think?! Of course it's having an effect on your son! HIs father needs to grow up and start acting like a father!! My sons are 5.5 yrs old and 2.5 yrs old and they look forward to seeing their father when he gets home from work..he works TWO jobs and gets home AFTER they are asleep..but my husband walks in and gently kisses our oldest son's head and he wakes up every time and says.."daddy I love you" and goes back to sleep!! He goes to kiss the littler guys head and he just snores...but when he's up at 7 am..he runs into wake up daddy and gets daddy hugs! Your son is losing out and so is your b/f ..there is SUPPOSED to be a bond between a father and son...seems like your B/F only cares about going out! Your son will only be little for a short time and he'll eventually STOP caring when dad walks IN OR OUT of that front door...then it will be TOO LATE!

Answer 6

since you mentioned that you are also having relationship problems with your bf, the best i can suggest is to "make up" to your son what your bf lacks. soon enough, if your bf keeps up this behavior, your son will learn for himself that daddy is being unreliable, and he'll need you for support. though my husband is not unwilling (he's a great father), he works an opposite shift from me. i go to college from 9 AM until 1:45pm. he leaves for work at 2, so my daughter never gets to see him except for weekends, or if he happens to get off early (very rare... he's military). so i've made it a point to spend a lot of time with her and to give her all the love and attention my husband simply cannot be around to give. she's secure in knowing mommy and daddy love her, and enjoys all the time she gets with daddy. it's like "daddy time" is a BONUS to her life, not a necessity. so when your bf DOES play with your son, it can be a bonus, and when he's being difficult, your son will still have you. i hope this helps. e mail me and let me know how things turn out. your son is lucky to have a loving mom like you!!!!!

Answer 7

I do have to agree that you should get married, maby not now but some time in the future. I feel really sad for you son. I know how my son loves his daddy and his daddys attention and his love is so sweet and unconditional. I cant imagion what it would be like for you to see your sons love tossed around. I wounder why your bf leaves so much at night? He should love you guys more and also be willing to be a good husband.

Answer 8

Dump him,your child's emotional and physical well being comes first. Your b/f sounds heartless,how can he slam the door on a sweet innocent face full of some much love and adoration for his daddy. You'll all be better off apart.

Answer 9

It seems as if your b/f is a complete jerk and lack of a man. This is going to make your son feel unwanted and not important enough for his dad to stay home. You need to reevaluate your relationship. Is your b/f really worth putting your son through this? It doesn't sound like it!

Answer 10

Pardon me for saying but shouldn't your two year old be in bed at 9 and 12 PM? I can imagine this man doesn't want to wind the little boy up by playing with him at bedtime either. I think your the thoughtless one couldn't he be tired after working. Your ignorance is the price your son is paying.