i been sort of going out about 6 mths with this man (he is widowed- about 10yrs)
nice guy, not bad looking .. what more can u ask for ..
the thing bothering me is that
we had dinner one day when i donoe he just blurted out and i still remember it clearly.
he said, " i can't believe i found her in you."
i only understood when he showed me his dead wife pic. i nearly chocked on my drink .
we look somewhat similar. the resemblance was much .. and he even said we behave almost alike..
the only difference was we are of different race...
should i get away from him before he actually turn me into his dead wife..??
but he is like the only man that i dated that has the potential as a great husband..
what should i do ?help
2006-11-09 14:35:44 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The fact that he has shown you a picture and told you about her is not worthy of concern. That's just him sharing himself with you.
However, what is concerning is his statement and the comparisons. He obviously is looking for someone to fill her void...
I wouldn't tell you to just throw it away. What I will suggest is talk to him, tell him it's concerning. If things don't change and you still notice weird comments/comparisons, I would move on.
2006-11-09 14:43:51 · answer #1 · answered by cutebastardette 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your own identity is very important. i was reading , once, where no two partners are the same. this is of VERY ESSENTIAL importance where both of you should ponder this point and realize that you are your own person!
there is a lot of life to live and a lot of enjoyment to be had. new relationships need the proper nurturing in order that they realize the strength that the future brings. dating is the implement that allows two people a chance to assess each others' needs wants and desires. if this needs to be a lingering affair then act accordingly and be careful not to mess anything beautiful up.
the one fear that i would have, in your instance, (were i there) is that abuse rear its ugly head. this would be so unfortunate. but it is a "necessary evil" to consider. all that glitters is not gold.
these are my thoughts on this possibility. i hate to sound like a broken record in answering but.....there is a document that helped me a great deal through the years called "desiderata". it may be found on the Internet. see if you get anything from it. nuf said.....bye
2006-11-09 23:26:49 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looks like he is not over his dead wife, and he will only be happy with a replacement rather than a new woman.
Talk to him about this, but don't marry him unless he changes.
Remember the simpsons episode where Ned Flanders cut that woman's hair to make her look like his wife? He MIGHT be just like Ned, and maybe he might want you to dress differently, or talk differently.
If he doesn't love you for who you are, then he is not worth staying with.
2006-11-09 22:40:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anna K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't like that he's turning you into his old love. Talk to him. That's how you can find out what he's thoughts are about your relationship. After 10 years of his wife's death, he needs to hide his feelings about her and be respectful to you when you're with him. If you find out that he likes you because you and his wife look alike, then run away. Well, don't be that dramatic, but at least be clear to him that you can't have a normal relationship with him because of that.
2006-11-09 22:44:37 · answer #4 · answered by AmAr A ciegAs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well your making the guy sound like he is a murderer or something. you should though, find out how his wife died. if it is something that is not often to happen to kill anyone than maybe you should be cautious. but if not than i would give him a chance. he seems nice and finds his dead wife's spirit in you. so what? he likes you, you both click nicely, etc. So give him a chance but before you do so, check out how his wife died. After that, its your move from there, so good luck!
2006-11-09 22:45:29 · answer #5 · answered by Cornelia Anabelle Banana Bo Peep 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would communicate to him that it bothers you, and to continue on with your relationship he needs to appreciate you for who you are. He's probably still missing her but if you address it with him tactfully I think he'll be receptive. Just try and get him to picture it the other way around as if you were the widow and he reminded you of your dead hubby. He'll get it.
2006-11-09 22:40:27 · answer #6 · answered by Motorpsycho 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its apparent he hasn't gotten over his wife's passing, grieveing could take a long time for some people(it varies) it sounds like you're there to replace what he's lost.
he will always be comparing you with her...she use to do this n' that...are you willing to live with that?
maybe have him deal with his loss first and just be friends with him. be there for him when he needs a friend and someone to talk to. and when he's ready, you'll know.
2006-11-09 23:00:40 · answer #7 · answered by ~muffun~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DTMFA
Seriously, he will always be comparing you to her, everyday. You will always live in her shadow, and anytime you do something "she wouldn't have done" he'll be disapointed. That's not healthy. Nothing wrong with dating widowers, but his statement shows his true feelings.
2006-11-09 22:39:13 · answer #8 · answered by Chance20_m 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that just sounds creepy i siricly think you should run away unless you really like this guy
2006-11-09 22:38:40 · answer #9 · answered by ♥◦◊◦Brown eyed babe◦◊◦♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run like hell girl
2006-11-09 22:39:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋