I have a question about a situation I'm in with my sister and my niece. My niece is 3 1/2 years old; she is living with my sister, her boyfriend, and his son. My niece is a really good child, but sometimes she can be a handful. Whenever that happens she usually has to stand in the corner or go to bed at an earlier hour. A few times I have seen my sister give her a spanking, and sometimes I've seen my sister's boyfriend spank her. However, HE does it REALLY HARD...so hard that I have to leave the room whenever it happens because I can't bear to hear her cry, and because he does it to a point of excess. I know the difference between spanking and abuse, and this is definitely abuse...everyone who has seen it in my family (except for my sister) agrees with me on that. I think she knows it's wrong, because she's talked to him about it before, but she tells me I'm overreacting. I love both my sister and my niece; I want to stay loyal to both. What can I do in this situation?
2006-11-09 14:07:50 · 10 answers · asked by Persephone 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
He spanks his son sometimes, but not as often as he does my niece, and not nearly as hard. I'm not there all the time, but that's just what I've seen.
2006-11-09 14:18:13 · update #1
take your sister out for coffee and go somewhere private and tell her you really want a heart to heart talk with her.
reassure her that you love her and your niece and only want the best for them and suggest an alternative to spanking like no tv or toys; time out works but be reasonable with the amount of time they sit in the corner, i normally go 5 minutes and then i sit down with them and ask them to explain why they are in the corner, if they are still misbehaving they resume the time out... last thing you want is her growing up resenting mom for not protecting her.
if the boyfriend spanks her again, stand up for your niece if your sister is not willing to and let him know that it is not acceptable and there will be consequences
and if you are going to report the abuse, make sure you have evidence and proof before reporting it.
good luck
2006-11-09 14:36:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to someone at Social Services, because it only takes one time to severally hurt a child or accidentally kill one. Then it is too late. At least with them coming to the house and talking to the parents and looking at the child, they can determine if there is definitely abuse and they can either remove the child or tell the parents that they need to lessen up the severity of the spankings or they will return and remove the child. This might be what it takes to make them see that they are spanking her harder than they should and change it. It will probably p-ss them off if they find out it was you who called...but the Social Services cannot tell them who called it in, and so you can just deny it. If you are worried about it though, see if you can maybe get a boyfriend of other male friend to call in the report. But, for the sake of this young child who cannot defend herself...you have to do this!!!!
2006-11-09 15:20:22 · answer #2 · answered by lildragonlexi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your sisters boyfriend has no right to even punish your niece,much less spank her.He is not her father.The boyfriend seems like he likes spanking her because she is not his,some people are very resentful like that and really sick in the head. What he does is abuse. I would turn him in to Child Services. Seriously.You can do it anonymously. Being that your sister sits right there and lets him do it,I would not talk to her about it first,because chances are she won't do anything about it and then if you call Child Services she will know it was you. Just call ,don't wait.
2006-11-09 20:43:26 · answer #3 · answered by Deerrunner 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not overacting. I feel so bad for your niece. Even if she is a handful she should not be hit, hard or not.
I would try and get throught to your sister. If you can convince your sister that hitting is bad she is the one that can stop her boyfriend.
Search the net for some articles on how hitting your child can effect them negatively. Give them to your sister.
I listed some things you can print out below. I am SO against kids being hit!
Good Luck. DONT GIVE UP!
2006-11-09 14:30:24 · answer #4 · answered by CaTT 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not the best on these type situations but, I think you are doing the right thing searching for answers. My advice is that you go to a authoritative figure and seek their advice. They will give you the options that you can take. Tell your sister that it makes you sick to see this go on and if she doen't take control; you will get the authorities involved. Stay clear of him on the other hand because he will get mad knowing your getting involved. Don't feel bad though, somebody has to do something. If you don't this child will grow up with a ruff childhood; every child deserves a great childhood experience. My nephew will be 4 in May and he can also get a little unruly but we never abuse him. He usually goes to his bed for punishment. God bless you!!
2006-11-09 14:27:58 · answer #5 · answered by Travis W 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Assuming this is as bad as you say it is, and having taken up the issue with your sister to no avail, you have no choice but to protect your niece. Call Child Protective Services if there is one nearby, or call the sherriffs office, tell them the situation, and they can take it from there. Be prepared, however, to see this through by providing evidence and testimony. Don't wimp out when it gets ugly between you, your sister, and her boyfriend. Your niece needs you. Be there for her.
2006-11-09 14:24:18 · answer #6 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know this must be a hard decission for you, but I would report him to Children Services. Your neice can't defend herself and if he is really hurting her instead of just the casual spanking then he needs to be reported before he really hurts her......does he "spank" his son like this also or is it just the neice??
2006-11-09 14:15:50 · answer #7 · answered by jessdjnick 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you think that a baby of 31/2 years old is being abused your loyalty should be to the baby. she has no one to help her. she is defenseless!!! it is your responsibility to help her before she is really hurt and the consequences can not be taken back. god forbid she was really hurt, how would you feel then if you sat back knowing you could have done something and didn't!
2006-11-09 16:16:22 · answer #8 · answered by KRIS 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Report him now. It will not get better. If your sister gets mad too bad. Better her mad at you than the child to be hurt.
2006-11-10 00:50:31 · answer #9 · answered by mnwomen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this probably wont help you but beat the s.h.i.t out of him
2006-11-09 14:10:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋