My boyfriend went to a meeting that usually last 1 hour.?

Question

My boyfriend went to a meeting that usually lasts 1 hour. He was gone for 3. When he got in, he made no excuses and i asked for none. Shortly after, we kissed and i smelled the beer on his breath. I do not mind that he drinks, i by beer for him when i am shopping. My problem is, i feel since we live together , he might have had the common courtesy to call me and say " he, i going to have a drink with so and so." Not a problem.We already have issues. His ex-wife told me months ago," you don't know Dave, you will find out , you don't know him" Could it be that the Dave i am not supposed to know is coming out? I feel the way he acted about it, he was somewhere or with someone he should not been. I would think with him knowing that his ex has put a bug in my ear , he would not want to do anything that might even make her seem remotely right. Am i jumping the gun or am i heading for more of the same?

Answer 1

It's hard to conclusively decide. You just have to do what's right for you.

The question you have to ask yourself is, would you even notice if the ex-wife hadn't said something to you?

If it happens a lot (going out drinking and not telling you) and he starts to withdraw, not want to talk to you or spend time with you, and gets critical when you question him, then I'd start to wonder if maybe he's doing something he shouldn't.

If everything else is well, then I wouldn't worry too much about it. The guy has to have a little freedom, not to feel like he has to run everything he does by you first!

Hope this helps!

Answer 2

Deep down I think you know the answer... No-one but you can make this decision... Emotions are such powerful things... Especially after you have been intimate with someone, it is like tearing your heart & spirit from theirs cos something powerful and spiritual happens that should be reserved for marriage/ a deep commitment with someone you know you can trust and allow yourself to be vulnerable with. Been through this with my ex and, my dear, it will only make - you - feel depressed and lonely in the end. Even angry at him. We think sacrificing our happiness and ignoring that uneasy, anxious feeling of mistrust is somehow helping him and it will go away. We see someone that needs help rather than a compulsive liar & cheater. And while it may be true that he needs help, you can love him from a distance, without being on the receiving end. Sometimes the fear of loneliness stops us from breaking free from a relationship we know isn't healthy or making us happy... But my Q is, would you rather be lonely in a relationship with someone who is clearly hurting you repeatedly and becoming physically as well as emotionally abusive? Or would you rather be lonely and single?, which isn't as bad as you may think when you cross that line, and start to enjoy life again, discovering yourself and the things that make you smile. As the saying goes, actions speak louder than words... If he has proved to you he is capable of loving you how you deserve, think it over, maybe give him another chance. But if he keeps making and breaking promises, manipulates you and keeps showing you in other ways he can't be trusted then maybe it's time to let go

Answer 3

My question to you is what kind of meeting is he making is it Alcholics Anonymous or something of that sort? You have to be careful of ex's they do not always have your best interest at heart. But always be mindful of what has been said by her. You just need to evaluate the situation for yourself and make your own judgement by his character when he is drinking and when he is sober. Be careful you never know what some of these partners in relationships are capable of. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 4

Ask the ex why they divorced. I hate to say it, but there is always a reason someone becomes the "EX". She might be able to clue you in to her side of what she went through. Might save you some heart ache.

My ex had a girlfriend who thought I was some mean B*t*h that took his kid and robbed him blind. After they dated for 2 years, she left him. I saw her after that, and she told me she was sorry for judging me. I knew that she finally saw the side of my ex that pushed me to divorce.

Answer 5

Well, you are jumping the gun, but it sounds like his ex might be right. It depends if she's being spiteful or helpful...

Answer 6

I think you are getting to know Dave, I didint truly know my boyfriend until we moved in together....

Answer 7

time will tell. but from experience you get what you see. it aint gunna change. usually there has to be alot of bs before it has to change and sometimes then it is even to late...its more like time waisted.

Answer 8

not a good sign...