Misunderstanding with my boyfriend's parents..I want them to call before they come to our house, they got mad

Question

I never said I do not want them to visit at all, but I do insist people ALWAYS call first before coming to the house, including my family..They had a very annoying habit of showing up whenever they wanted when my BF first moved in. When I say anytime, I mean weekend mornings at 8am, and nights when I have to work the next day at 10:30pm, staying until after midnight. Once they showed up on a Sunday, woke me up with their banging and ringing the bell, (my BF is a heavy sleeper) and I told them, in my nightgown the first thing that Sunday morning, that "You MUST call first, I am sorry I cannot let you in right now it is too early, you have been asked to call first before, yet you keep disrespecting us and our home by showing up anyway, please call later and we will tell you if it is a good time to visit or not." Then I shut the door and locked it. They pounded and rang again, even pushed on the door.I opened it again, repeated my speech asked them to leave and shut the door again.

After that they did not come by or even speak to me for about a month, even hanging up if I answered the phone. After that they called before coming by almost all the time and everything was fine. They did ask once if they could sleep over(they do not live THAT far away) I said no simply because we do not have room. They seemed to understand that, and everything was fine after that. Now, suddenly they are not coming by at all. I asked my BF and he said "they think u dont want them here" I said "I never said they were not welcome here, but I hate when people just drop in, it is quirk I have they just have to call first and make sure it is a good time" He said, "thats the way my family is" We just left it at that. Should I invite them over? I am trying to make this relationship work, but sometimes it seems like my BF's whole family is so dysfunctional.

I would like to add that they had been asked no fewer than 10 times to call first, then they showed up VERY early Sunday morning, I woke up to their banging, bell ringing and calling out, it was before 8am, sorry I work long hours in a stressful job, they had been asked nicely at least 10 times to call first. I told them it was a bad time and they kept pounding and even pushed on the door.

My parents have their quirks too of course but they always call before coming by.

Answer 1

If they are not coming anymore, then let it be. They are sulking. What you did ie telling them and insisting that they call is a very brave thing to do. Keep it up and do not allow them to bully you.

Answer 2

Hmmmmmm.....

You could have handled the problem in a better way. It is quite disrespectful and inhuman to shut the door on your partner's parents......or even....any family members...........even despite telling them countless of times that they should call before coming.

Yes i know that the situation is annoying for u..........and ur home is ur sanctuary....... but you could solve it by having a serious talk with them.....and requesting that ur partner too should emphasize it to his parents. If it doesnt work, then dont open the door at all.

What u did is like treating them like animals......Shutting the door infront of their face........while they pound and rag and push the door soon after.
Even tho it is an effective way to bring ur point across...but it is not the way to treat the elder beings. It is simply rude.

Damage have been done. Just invite them over for dinner this time round...or visit them. Why must they come n visit u all the time anyway? N try talking abt these issue to them again this time round. Im positively sure that it will mend the knots.

gd luck.

Answer 3

Re-quoting your statement: "You MUST call first, I am sorry I cannot let you in right now it is too early, you have been asked to call first before, yet you keep disrespecting us and our home by showing up anyway, please call later and we will tell you if it is a good time to visit or not."

Even though i truly agree that you have the right to your privacy, especially at your own house, I do find that you could have done better in the way you communicated to your BF's parents.

If i were you (btw i'm a male) i would have made my bf explained very clearly to his parents about the "visiting rules". Because them being his parents its his first responsibility to explain it. But if he refuse to tell them, or he somehow feels that is alright for them to visit, its his responsibility to entertain them when they come during "unwelcomed" times such as that.

So, my point is, you have the correct mindset in protecting your right. But your method could have been better. "Make use" of your bf. Its his parents anyway. If he cant even do that, i foresee bigger problems in the future.

Answer 4

i'm hoping this would not harm or something, yet you have some severe pink flags going at here. the 1st is which you at the instant are not "allowed" to chat to different adult males? What the hell? you're able to be allowed to have guy acquaintances and stuff and regardless of you like, extremely at that age. If he trusts you, he should not be nervous of dropping you to somebody else. the 2d is that he seems to be mendacity approximately what he's doing along with his ex, that is kinda strange. i'm not confident they're getting it on or something, however the reality that he concealed something from you is kinda unsettling. Thirdly, he should not be pressuring you into intercourse. He could be respecting while and the variety you prefer to try this style of factor. specific, that is style of a delicate factor and you're able to have some provide and take with it, yet he should not be beginning extensive fights over it. the two he's happy and you will compromise some way or he could discover somebody else and not attempt to alter or attack you for the variety you're. To be user-friendly, i think of you have some seeerious verbal replace subjects in this relationship, even with the undeniable fact that that is been happening for a jointly as. i think of you're able to desire to attempt to chat to him gently approximately relationship stuff and artwork those products out with him, and in case you are able to not try this for regardless of reason (he refuses, he blows up, he on no account has time for it), you are going to finally end up unhappy interior the long term.

Answer 5

Oh my gosh! If I stopped by my son and HIS girlfriends apt, and the girl gave me a speech and slammed the door, it would be the last time I'd go there, at least until she apologized. Now how am I to know how she thinks? Why would I deserve her rudeness? I raised the man she is living with-don't I expect a little bit more respect? Don't you think, if she plans on joining "our" family maybe someday, she would like to make a good impression? Is this HOW you treat your folks? If so, you should be ashamed of yourself for being so disrespectful! Sorry, but I just don't get the big deal, over missing some sleep-verses treating your boyfriends parents like crap! You can't change the way they are, or the way HE was raised!!!!! Good luck, your gonna need it!!!

Answer 6

You aren't wrong in wanting your privacy, they need to respect that. Your boyfriend, however, needs to stand up for you as well. It does not sound like he is doing that and is letting you take the heat for a really annoying habit of theirs.

I would say you probably should invite them over to make amends, but you need to strengthen this out with him before you do that...so you both are on the same page. Then HE really needs to talk with them about it.

Answer 7

I think that it would go a long way toward resolving issues with them if you planned for a few occassions to invite them over, so that they would see that they're still quite welcome, as long as the times are convenient for you and your boyfriend.

Otherwise, then I think it's your boyfriend who needs to deal with HIS family. If his family is going to continue to make unannounced visits, then HE should be the one to answer the door when they come and to let them know if it's not a convenient time, and you should be free not to answer the door if he's not available and you don't feel like it.

Answer 8

You don't say what your question is but I assume you want people to give their opinions about the situation you have described.
I think you are being totally reasonable. It is very rude of them to arrive unannounced. It is even worse when you have told them you are happy for them to visit provided they call first to make sure it is convenient for you.
It doesn't matter that they are your boyfriend's parents; they should still show some manners.

Answer 9

Yeah , unfortunately you need to stand your ground. By all means, coax them back by inviting them over for dinner or whatever and end the evening by saying "Well, just give us a ring anytime you want to stop by".

AND your boyfriend has to be behind this 100% or it will be him playing baby in the middle.

Answer 10

They are at fault - and rude to boot! Your home is your sanctuary, and you shouldn't have to be ready for it to be invaded by anyone at any time on their whim. I am a stickler about this and have, more than once, sat at my kitchen table and waved at people knocking on my door (who could see me through the window) while refusing to unlock it and let them in.

You simply have to be firm with them. If they refuse to come around because you won't tolerate their bad behavior, well - that is, really and truly, their loss.