My fiancee and I have been together for 3 + years. Within the last year, he has been going down during sex, pretty early in (like 15-60 seconds). It has led to a lot of fights recently, and it's becoming more non-stop. I'm pretty wound up because I'm sexually frustrated and he has seem to not care anymore about sex at all. If he is only 21 years old and this is already a problem, I'm worried I will be stuck with this for life.... should we end it ?
2006-11-09 12:55:20 · 20 answers · asked by britishlit2002 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I should probably point out that I know for a FACT he is not cheating. We go to college, I know where he is all the time, we work together, live together, etc..... trust me, he's not cheating.
2006-11-09 13:00:54 · update #1
I should add that we've been to counseling for this.....
I'm going both ways DEAR
2006-11-09 13:24:09 · update #2
Sometimes he "goes", sometimes he doesn't.
2006-11-09 14:33:44 · update #3
I'm sorry for your frustration. Just to make it clear, does he bust a nut after 60 seconds, or does it just go down?
if he does, try different positions...one's in which you feel more than he does. or just tease the hell out of him.
if he just can't maintain it, it usually means: 1) he's tired, under stress, preoccupied with something else, 2) bored of the same routine, or 3) your urges are not in sync. i.e. he's in the mood when you are not, or vice versa. At the age of 21, i doubt he's 'retiring' any time soon....
my ex and i had a similar issue. she wondered why i could maintain an erection like i used to. it was because 1) she seemed to want it on days i was lacking sleep, and whenever i wanted she wasn't in the mood, 2) she didn't entice me like the way she used to, and 3) she was ALWAYS done and tired before i had a chance to bust a nut, and i guess i was tired of being teased.
so what we did was plan a little all-nighter weekend and the end of the work week when we just lock ourselves away from the rest of the world and just dedicated ourselves to just pleasing the hell out of each other. we surprised, learned about each other those couple of nights and 'rekindled the flame' for many months to come.
It sounds to me you guys haven't had a mature talk about the situation. Personally, i think breaking up with your fiancee for this reason without trying to work it out is irresponsible as a spouse on your part. I feel it's along the same line as a guy breaking up with a girl because she got fat. Try and talking to you ,fiancee about what gets him going, how you can accomodate him, and how he can accomodate you. Once you two have this talk and actually TRY to make it work, you'll have the answer to you question.
Best of luck!
2006-11-09 14:27:47 · answer #1 · answered by mr E 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Yes you have to. Sex is one of the most important things in a relationship. He's only 21 and it seems he's tired with it. That's not right at all. If he was 60 then fine. But he's only 21. And you're frustrated. You have all the right to enjoy your sex life and you cannot do it with him anymore, so bye bye. If you don't end this relationship you'll always have problems and you're going to end cheating on him. You're too young. Enjoy your life. Leave him. There are too many fish in the sea if you know what I mean. I'm married I'm 22 and my husband is 20, I know what I'm talking about.
2006-11-09 21:01:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
no you shouldn't end it it is more than likely a medical problem and i suggest you talk to him and let him know you understand and you will stand by him when he goes to a doctor and seeks answers 21 is young and this kind of problem shouldn't be active this soon in life it can be treated so talk to your man and get him to ask for help your engaged if this happened when you were married would you leave your marriage because of this? no i don't think-you would leave a perfectly good marriage because he has a medical problem so think nicely and offer to stand by him and seek help together part of being in love is understanding and i am sure you love him so tell him so and let him know when hes ready to seek the help he needs that you will be at his side take care and i hope it works out fine
2006-11-09 21:05:00 · answer #3 · answered by angelsrose 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your are joking ain't you. Do you know what I think, I think you are a childish twit. Honestly, if this is your biggest problem in life, please leave and don't marry him. If you are crying over this, how in earth are you going to handle the pressure of everyday life in the future. Life only gets harder when you start having children (with any man) and you start your full time working life with a family.
Do the right thing by him and leave and please do not go looking for another relationship till you have matured.
It's simple, leave the guy alone so he can find someone that truly loves him. It might hurt him now but he has many years ahead of him and believe me he will get over you and have a happy life without you.
2006-11-10 04:31:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Have you thought that it is ongoing because you are not supporting him and getting angry at him. Yes it does happen to every guy at least once in his life and you blaming him for it is going to push him down even more.
Lay him down and take it slow and support him and give him some confidence. It;s all a confidence thing and you going on like the way you are now is not going to work.
My wife when I meet her had girl problem and when we tried to do anything she just tensed up down there. It was a little over 6 months before we actually did anything and I supported her all that time.
It goes both way dear.
Well stop getting angry at him, one day in the future something might (Hope Not) be wrong with you. Would you like you partner to be angry at you because god is not playing fair?
2006-11-09 21:20:11 · answer #5 · answered by I'm In Love With Delicious 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well it is unlikely that it is a physical problem because of his age. usually it is a mental issue, possibly anxiety or simply a loss of interest in the partner. If you two are still into one another I would suggest you simply seek out some help for it. However since you are considering breaking up with him then more that likely you are not in love with him and should move on.
2006-11-09 21:01:27 · answer #6 · answered by malisimo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You find new ways to stimulate him, verbal abuse ain't stimulating. Mental stimulation is as important as physical stimulation.
Teach him other ways of satisfying you. If he isn't interested in helping you, then his problem may be physical. I'm wondering about lack of testosterone. It can be tested quickly and if supplements are needed, fine. Getting him to be tested may be impossible; however, if he is truly interested in the relationship with you and future women, he might be more willing.
2006-11-09 21:00:34 · answer #7 · answered by fluffernut 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A marriage certificate won't change his 15-60 sec deal
2006-11-09 20:59:39 · answer #8 · answered by backroadhome 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
3 choices
Both move on. Best cuz young and both will find another.
Stay as it is.Worst cuz it will get worse and both will suffer.
Try to fix. If you cannot move on, do this. It is very hard.
2006-11-09 21:08:00 · answer #9 · answered by ignoramus 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IS HE GOING THROUGH SOME STRESSFUL SITUATION. MAYBE SOMETHING IS ON HIS MIND. WORK RELATED OR FAMILY CRISIS. THEIR WAS THIS ONE TIME I HAD AN OPPORTUNITY TO CHEAT ON MY WOMEN, BUT I STARTED TO THINK ABOUT HER AND COULDN'T GET IT TO STAY UP. I WAS GETTING REALLY HOT AND SWEATY AND COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE AND HAD TO LEAVE THE ROOM. I NEVER HAD THE PROBLEM BEFORE AND NEVER AFTER WARDS. MY CONSCIENCE WAS KILLING ME OR SOMETHING.
2006-11-09 21:06:21 · answer #10 · answered by nambrewsky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋