How do we do an adults-only dinner?

Question

Not the first marriage for eithe of us and we want to do an intimate, quiet, dinner ceremony with NO CHILDREN. Our own children won't even be there.
Will family members invited who have children be offended? And if WE pay for the dinner, does it matter?

My children from a previous marriage and his from a previous, are too young or not well-behaved and will absolutely ruin the whole idea of a quiet, intimate event.

Answer 1

We had an adults only wedding. You can:

-Put in the invitation adults only reception
-Schedule it for later in the evening (7pm)
-Only put the adults names on the invitation
-Offer babysitting service (pay a few high school students to watch them. We offered this but no one even took us up on it)

Most people will understand and appreciate the ability to have a fun adults only night away from their kids.

Answer 2

First of all - no, it doesn't matter. If you want adults only, that is your choice since you are paying. Since this is a small intimate event, you should be able to talk to each guest and just let them know that you would like to have a quiet, adults only dinner.

Since this is your second wedding - and your own children will not be at the dinner - your guests will most likely be more then understanding.

(ps - I don't recommend excluding your own children - after all, this moment effects them almost as much as you, and excluding them may be the first step to a lot of problems later on - something to think about anyway. There is no rule saying you can't include your children and not invite other children though - or have them there just for the ceremony, and have a babysitter take them home early so you can enjoy a quiet evening with the adults affter the ceremony part is complete)

Answer 3

It's your wedding and you are free to do whatever you choose, especially since you're footing the bill. Yes, you'll offend some, but I've yet to hear of even ONE wedding that was planned and executed without offending at least one person.

What so many people don't realize is that there usually isn't a special rate for children's plates...and sadly, far too many parents simply don't even try to keep their children's behavior in check at such occasions.

A simple "Adults only, please" should suffice. And, in the event that you receive an RSVP that says "3" rather than "2" be prepared to contact that family and let them know (again) of your wishes.

I would encourage you, however, to reconsider your decision not to invite your own children unless, of course, you're estranged from them. You're joining two families, by this marriage, and the children ought to, at the very least, be on hand for this event if they haven't had any input thus far. I shudder to think about the repercussions farther down the road...

Answer 4

You don;t mention the ages of the children, how many of them, or how late you'll be out, but why not consider hiring a babysitter (or two) to watch all the kids and have a mini-celebration with them before going to the location of the ceremony?

A ginger ale toast to the happy couple could take as little as 15 minutes. Hand out some flowers and favors and high-tail it out of there.

While you're gone: You could have the sitters order pizza or some other take-out and have wedding-looking paper plates. Maybe some "wedding" cupcakes for dessert. Provide something fun for them to do, like movies to watch-- maybe even themed, like Yours Mine Ours.

Maybe best to do this someplace other than your own, so you don;t have to come home to it. This wouldn't cost too much, depending on how many kidds and how much the babysitting costs.

Making an effort to recognize the kids might go a long way in easing the feelings of anyone who might be offended. And who knows, the parents might welcome a night away from the kids as long as someone else is making the plans for taking care of them. I know that when my son was little, I'd have loved it.

I know this is your wedding and you probably have alot going on, but this plan should only take one shopping trip for supplies and some cash for food and childcare.

Best wishes -- for your wedding and your marriage.

Answer 5

As long as you give plenty of notice before the event so your guests can plan for child care I don't see any problem with this.
In fact, most parent would love a evening out "WITHOUT THE KIDS!!!" Any of your guest who have responsible older teens might be willling to babysit some of your out of town guest's children for the evening too.
Just a suggestion...

I would do a "mock ceremony" for the kids with some of your other family members so the kids get the idea you "got married".
Say a few highlights of your vows and do the ring exchange again for the "kids sake". Have dessert and a small party afterwards that's child friendly.

This way you can still have a no child wedding and the kids still see you "get married".

Answer 6

Well obviously you would pay for the dinner, so what does that have to do with it.

You are excluding your own children from your special day? I guess if the kids don't live with you why should they care that one of the people they love more than anyone in the world just replaced them.

As far as the guests go, why should you care if they are offended, you are offending your on children.

My husband did not go to sisters wedding b/c our 5 year old was not invited.

Answer 7

Try calling each guest with children and saying, "I am just calling all of our guests to remind you to get a babysitter since it is coming up fast and they can be hard to find at the last minute" . Your parents need to back you up with pushy relatives.

If this looks like it will be a situation where people will bring kids without asking, hire a babysitter and have a non-family member (maybe your caterer can position someone) stand at the door and direct the kids to another room with a babysitter.

REMEMBER: Just because they are family doesn't give them the right to be rude.

Answer 8

People should know that an invitation addressed only to the adults of the household is ONLY inviting the adults of the household. It would be rude to spell it out any more specifically with phrases like "adults only" or "no children."

OF COURSE you're paying for the dinner-- you're inviting people to it so you're paying for it-- you are the hosts!

Answer 9

It does matter if you are paying because you can do what you want. You will get complaints no matter what, so just ignore it, it is your day.

You can put "Adults Only" in the reception invitation. Some may say it sounds tacky but you are getting the word out. You can do it verbally and tell people, but then someone will end up taking a child "because they didnt know."

Answer 10

You can't w/o offending people! How can you not have your own kids not there? I mean you are joining a family and there should be a place for your children. Weddings to me are about family and friends! I just hope you might reconsider, if not I would just put on the invitations "Adults Only, our kids are not allowed either???"