Adult with mom problems?

Question

My mom lives with me, my husband and our 2 kids..age 2 and 4. When we bought our house she moved in with us a few years ago and shortly after my husband was deployed. Long story short, my husband and I have NEVER lived alone, Ive never lived independtly and I am really starting to resent everyone. I am almost 27, stayed at home while I went to college and now my husband is redeployed on his second tour. I appericate the help my mom lends with my kids and shes always ready to help me. Ive decided to put my youngest, who is almost 3 in a preschool half of the week. My mom suggested that she take me to work (we have one car) so he can go all 5 days. I said no, solely because I dont want my mom dropping me off at my job and picking me up. She seemed to be offended and said I was "embarrased" by her. It seems like when I try to have my one little bit of independence she views it as a personal attack on her character. When I tell her that I am 26, married with 2 kids she says I dont need her

Answer 1

Forgive me but your mom shouldnt be living with you and your husband. You and him will never have a life together this way. And your mom is acting selfish,,acting like this is all about her. I know u love your mom but you need to talk to her about everything you are feeling,,,and tell her that she cant live with you forever. You should have your own life with your husband and kids. Tell her she has to find another place to live for real. And that she can come see you and the kids anytime she wants. If hse takes it the wrong way and gets mad at you theres nothing you can do about it. You have taken her in long enough. Tell her this isnt about HER....its about you for once. YOu have got to be honest with her wether she likes it or not.

Answer 2

Why not test the waters, I mean you are by yourself for the moment with your husband deployed and your mom is being a bit overbearing. Why not take a day off of work and do something just for you? Don't answer to anyone, call out sick, have your mother watch the kids and do something you never did before. It's not possible right now to lose your mother, but you do deserve some time to yourself too. I don't know the situation as far as if your mother will move out, but maybe why not start planning something special for you and your husband for when he comes back? It'll help keep your mind off of things and focused on more happy ideas. Why not plan a short (or long) cruise for when he comes back so you can have some time to yourselves and you don't have to sneak around? Cruises are pretty affordable if you shop around, and depending on where you are located, there may be a port nearby! I know what you're going through, and I agree, it stinks, but maybe telling your mother how much you appreciate her watching the kids while you take a cruise might give you a little peace!

Answer 3

I can see what you mean. I am 26, married with three kids and my mom still trys to run my life. I am lucky because she lives in Flordia, but when she comes to visit, my husband and I always end up fighting. My mom always ask if I need her to help me pay the bills and when I tell her no, she gets upset. One time I just told my Mom that she needed to respect me like an adult and until then, I would not be able to speak to her. A couple of weeks later, she called and apologized. Since then things have been better, not great, but better. Just remind your mom that you appreciate all the help, but you need to be able to still be a Mom.

Answer 4

Every mother goes through this. They are just never really ready to let thier kids grow up. They always want to feel needed. Trust me you will go through this too, ( and I think you already know that). The thing is, your mother is taking it to the extreme, and thats not good. Just try to sit down with her and explain to her that you love her and appreciate the help that she gives you, but you want to feel a little more independent. Make sure to explain that your not saying you dont want her help but that you just want to try and do more on your own. I'm pretty sure she will understand. Its just the maternal instinct that is making her act this way and if you talk to her about it, it will help. Good Luck!

Answer 5

Sounds like too much of a good thing. I think it is time you tell mom you need to be on your own. Be kind, and tell her you apreciate her, but you and your husband need to form your own family. You might want to work with her to start looking for a place of her own, and set the move date to coincide with your husband's return. I'm sure he'd be pleased

Good luck

Answer 6

Wow, I could see my mom saying the same thing if I were in your situation. I would take it this way, the problem is not really yours, it's about her self esteem. I would tell her you love her and a daughter will always want her mother, but sometimes you just want some alone time.

Answer 7

You need to talk to your Mom adult to adult and say some of the things you've said in your question.

You've had a lot going on in the last few years and you probably feel like you don't have control over anything.

In this case you need to set some boundaries.....it's important for your mental health....good luck.

Answer 8

I will make this as simple as I can.
you need your own space as well as your husband.
you don't need your mother there with you.
Get tough and tell her to mind her own business and give you and your husband a break.
she will be offended but so what. you are living for her not for your self , husband and children...
she wants you to be dependent on her.
get tough and have a real talk with her..

Answer 9

moms will be moms we tend to hang on to our babies until we can ............i would just have some alone time with her tell her you love her dearly and thank her for everything but you need to have some type of independence because like it or not your a mother too and sometimes you need to feel useful ..............good luck

Answer 10

tell him