He's home w/ our baby in the am, takes her to my aunt's ~12:30 & I usually pick her up ~5:00. By the time her gets home ~10:30 she's asleep so I spend more time with her than he does. I'm putting in extra time @ work so we can go on vacation in Dec. & I can get paid leave instead of taking leave with out pay (can't afford not being paid for a full week!) so I've been staying until 6 and getting her ~6:30 some days (not everyday).
He actually said to me that I could always be a better mother to our daughter if I'm with her more. I've told him that it's the QUALITY not the QUANTITY of our time together that really matters. He's basically saying if a person is a bad parent that by spending more time with their kids they'll majically become the best mommy/daddy.
I'm so pissed at him for saying this to me. All you working mom's out there know my guilt for not being with my baby all day everyday and the guilt when I miss work to care for my family. How can I make him understand me?
2006-11-09 10:31:23 · 6 answers · asked by smarty pants 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
This is going to sound very mean, but I'm going to mention it anyway.
I'm a 37 year old man. Both of us work, we have no children, but we are trying to take care of a house, my in-laws, and pets. I have an idea of what you're feeling. So, all that having been said, there is one thing he doesn't appear to have considered and you can point out as nicely, or as snippy as you like. Here's the comment I'm thinking of:
"You're right, you know. I could be a better mother to our daughter if I stayed home more. I could teach her things and watch her grow up... of course, you'd miss out on all those first moments in her life, but you're working, right? Oh, by the way, I'd be happy to stay home, but I'm working so we have the money to pay bills, go on vacation, have nice things, and still take care of our family. Perhaps if you could make more money, I could stay home more. When will you start making more money so we can put your plan into action?"
Of course, telling any man that he needs to make more money is interpreted as telling him he's not good enough to support you and it's a slam to most guys.... but you would need to weigh the pros and cons of how you would tell him something like this. :-)
Just a thought for your inconsiderate spouse.
2006-11-09 10:39:14 · answer #1 · answered by stevegoryan 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I absolutely thnk your hubby was a dipwad to say something that nasty to you. He should have never said anything to make you feel as though you aren't the best mother for your child that you can be. However, at your child's age, quality time doesn't matter, having at least one parent around all the time does. Quality time is for parents who have time to read all the books. Any time you spend with your child is quality time. The more, the better. Don't kick yourself and, don't kick the dipwad either, maybe he just had a bad shift with a crying baby. You know what that's like.
Ease up. Hire a sitter and go out for an evening. You are way to uptight and, so is he.
2006-11-09 10:40:08 · answer #2 · answered by Liligirl 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm not married or a father, just very opinionated. i don't think it was right for your man to say that to u. it was insensitive and thoughtless. the only way to deal with somethin like that is meeting it head on. find a time when both of u are in a good place (weekends preferably) and not just comin or on the way to work. and tell him how hearin that made u feel. also mention to him that there's truth to his statement so he doesn't feel he's being attacked. let him know u are working so that ALL of u can have a better life.
2006-11-09 11:03:06 · answer #3 · answered by feetal2003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you were thinking that very thing and say you quit your job today so you could spend more time raising your daughter. If he replys with we can't afford that then you reply with remember that for future reference. Then say you didn't quit after all. If he says that's great and likes the idea(which I doubt) then really give your notice and stay home with your daughter. Problem solved.
Good Luck
2006-11-09 11:35:12 · answer #4 · answered by smile4u 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Steve G 100% TELL HIM you'll stay home and i garuntee all this will change
2006-11-09 11:04:40 · answer #5 · answered by fstrkm 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is QUAILTY. My mother was a stay-at-home and I got beat by her. I only wish she was working. I just might be happy
2006-11-09 11:05:59 · answer #6 · answered by FruitLoop 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋