I love children, I just dont see myself as a guy that could raise some other man's children. I like having the freedom clearly, and quite frankly dealing with a lover's exes, which would be necessary here, is not somethat that would work out very well for me at all...so am I just a jerk, and how would this be percieved?
2006-11-09 09:51:11 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I really love kids...had two little brothers who are both more than 9 years younger than me and my two best friends have kids I love like they were my own, so I am not a child hater by any means...I tell them anytime they need a babysitter tell me (well after they are potty trained, lol!)
2006-11-09 10:04:22 · update #1
Absolutely not- when I was a single mother and dating, I made it a point of telling guys up front that I had a daughter because I know that not all guys are ready or willing to take on a relationship with a mother. I commend you for being open about that. I would have rather heard someone say they weren't ready for a relationship involving children than have them date me long enough to get in my pants then make up some lame excuse anyway...
2006-11-09 09:55:31 · answer #1 · answered by Jennifer F 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
The mother of the children might not understand, but I totally see where you're coming from. Maybe you want a family of your own and have a hard time concieving that you'll be raising someone elses kids. No matter what your reason, good for you for realizing this. The mom might be hurt, but if you're not ready or willing to have a relationship with a single mom, just go with that and find someone else to love. If it happens that you really do love her, than you have to realize that the kids are part of the package deal and try to figure out if it's worth it. Just keep in mind that it's better for these kids to have a single mom than a mean or bitter stepdad.
There are plenty of single women who are looking for a man, so ,maybe you should find one of those and start a family of your own.
2006-11-09 17:56:48 · answer #2 · answered by lilgiggle33 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's no way that I could call you a jerk. I'm a woman and for many years I wouldn't date a man if he had children. Then one night I met a man that was so amazing I broke my rule and started dating him even though he had a son. We dated for 2 years and I swear I fell in love with that little boy of his. When we decided to go our seperate ways I was as heart broken over the child as I was the father. That relationship taught me something - that I CAN love a child that isn't mine. (I have no children) So, if the right lady comes along, you'll be able to deal with the kids and will more than likely fall in love with them too.
2006-11-09 18:03:08 · answer #3 · answered by sparkie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do not blame you at all. Having children is a huge deal and a lifetime responsibility and when you are dating someone, that isn't something that you want to deal with, let alone think about. It would be very difficult to take care of another man's children because you will not share that bond with them and dealing with the father should not have to be your place. If the woman who has kids is level headed, she will understand your reasoning.
2006-11-09 17:57:48 · answer #4 · answered by *mxgirl115* 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should generalize. Some women have good relations with ex's or ex's are out of the picture. These women might be ok. Also, you are not a jerk for staying clear of drama, you are smart. Some women handle their situations better than others, so give them a chance to show their stuff.
2006-11-09 17:55:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
no your not a jerk at all. not want to raise another mans child does not make you a jerk.dealing with the exes can be hard. why should you want to do that. if i did not have children of my own i sure wouldn't want to deal with some one elises. as long as you are honest to the women who do have children then i have all the respect in the world for you.to bad all men are not as honest as you.
2006-11-09 18:01:51 · answer #6 · answered by BLOODHOUND 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are certainly NOT a jerk. You seem to have thought things through very well and have formulated a clear idea of the kind of woman and relationship you want to pursue. If more people were like you, we mightn't have the huge numbers of marital holocausts out there. I applaud you and wish you the very best!
2006-11-09 18:08:26 · answer #7 · answered by Jeff W 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not at all.
Don't date someone who's children you wouldn't care for as if they were your own. That will prevent disappointment from the woman.
It's better that you're honest, rather than being stuck with some drama you don't want to handle.
bravo.
2006-11-09 17:57:22 · answer #8 · answered by oh really 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if you care about a female and then stop dating solely because they have kids then yes you are a jerk. If you truley care about someone you love them for them and all that they bring to the table. What if the tables were turned and you had kids and a girl did not want to date you.
2006-11-09 17:55:43 · answer #9 · answered by grrrrme 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your not a jerk. It is completely understandable you don't want to start a relationship with that kind of baggage. There are plenty of men out there who don't mind. I dated a guy with a kid, and his ex was constantly around.
2006-11-09 17:55:43 · answer #10 · answered by jessica s 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋