My cousin died Saturday night. Today was the funral. The family is taking it pretty hard as she was only 25. I want to be thier rock, but I feel like I could lose it at any moment. Any suggestions how I can be strong for them?
2006-11-09 08:39:02 · 12 answers · asked by Jester 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Im sorry for your loss. Be there for them by listening to what they have to say, crying with them and remembering memories and good times that you have had. You of course are going to lose it at some point and do not try not to. That's really all you can do at this point. Pray wtih them also. You will get thru this.
2006-11-09 08:43:20 · answer #1 · answered by Sara S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im soo very sorry for your loss.I went through that same thing with my dad passing away.Seeing im like the only child and only 17 I lost my best friend in the whole world when I was only 13 I had to be the rock for my mom.What I do is listen and reminise about the good times and listen to my mom talk about the memories that we shared toghether,when Im in my room alone I get all of my feelings out,sometimes I cry and sometimes I just have memories of the last charishing moments that I had with my dad.Dont be afraid to cry cause its healthy for the grieving process and look at the memoribal moments that you shared with your cousin and share them with your family and if you cant cry infront of anyone just be strong for you family and then when you have a moment alone then cry.Just keep your head up and do your best at being the rock for your family and if you cant then im sure that they will understand and know that your trying to be their rock but that your also grieving.God Bless You!
2006-11-09 08:57:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for your loss. This is a very trying time for you and your family.
When my mother passed away a few years ago, I was forced to be the "rock" when I really just wanted to "lose it." But I was worried because my father took it so hard. So mainly what I did was listen. If he wanted to talk about the good times with mom, we did and if he wanted to talk about other things, I just listened. I didn't allow people to come in and sour his happy disposition (you know the ones that come and look at you and start bawling).
In order to be a rock, you have to find something that distracts you from what makes you want to break down. Don't concentrate on those feelings. Believe me, you can actually push it aside and when you are where you want to be, you can just let go. Part of being the rock is that people want to look at you for strength or go to you for comfort. Taking on that role means that you will have to be steady while others are there. Hopefully, you have someone that YOU can go to so that you can let go of those emotions that you'll be holding.
When my son died (after five days on life support), it was the hardest thing I ever did to not just give in and lose it. I had three other sons and knew I had to be strong for them. So that was my motivation. Find your motivational focus and let it keep you strong until you need to let go because you will need to let go too.
2006-11-09 08:52:55 · answer #3 · answered by terryoulboub 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to give yourself permission to grieve, too. Being a rock is admirable, but if you deny what you feel and lose it, you are going to feel guilty for it. Make sure you take time for yourself, too. If you are the kind of person who needs to be alone to let some of it out find a place to do that for a resonable time and let everybody express their feelings in the way they need to. People can act pretty strangely due to grief, so don't judge or take any anger to heart. You might see the expected like tears, but also tensions build up and stress can come out in weird ways, even some innappropriate emotions or jokes in some people. The best thing you can do is to make sure you take time to deal with your own emotions, then just listen to people who need an ear. Just hang in there. It can take a long time for everyone to grieve so it may take some time for things to level out.
2006-11-09 08:57:34 · answer #4 · answered by l m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to let loose every now and again. you cant always be the rock, someone will have to be there for you. so just lean on each other. dont try to be so strong that it breaks you. its a hard thing to go through, you are part of the family too. just cause your a cousin doesnt mean you feel any less then her immediate family. I am always the rock and it builds up and up and up, until i lose it and cant seemto get back on track. good luck and im sorry to hear of you loss.
2006-11-09 08:42:50 · answer #5 · answered by tsd574 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have to cry. Show your emotions. You can still grieve and be strong. Just be there for them. Offer your support and love. I am so sorry for your loss. It is a shame when they leave so early. Maybe make them dinner or offer to help out. Take some of the everyday stress off their shoulders. That would help out a whole lot. My prayers are with you and your family.
2006-11-09 08:49:09 · answer #6 · answered by looloo1122 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You know what you need to do, is cry and not worry so much about being a rock for everyone else. You like everyone in your family needs to go through the grieving process and everbody does it differently. In order to help everyone else you have to let yourself go and take care of yourself
2006-11-09 09:00:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be there for them and help them remember good times that they had with this girl and memories about her growing up with different family members. Remind them that she will always be a part of their lives in their hearts and memories. If she was sick for awhile before she died, remind them that she is not suffering now and they should be glad for that. If it was a tragic accident, then remind them that at least she did not have to suffer a lingering time of pain.
I am sorry for your loss.
2006-11-09 14:34:18 · answer #8 · answered by lildragonlexi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear that,my grandmother passed away in October i know its hard for everyone to lose some one you love just stay Close to your aunt and comfort her hold her had and just let her know that you are there for her in her time of need,this is what i did with my mom,as soon as the days passed i was back in AZ and she was back in TeX,i started to feel the lost,my wife quickly jumped on the phone and had a talk with my mom and what was going on and then my mother had a talk with me and reminded me about what i had told her and this also helped me as well.good luck have faith in the lord for he will see you through all this.
2006-11-09 08:50:26 · answer #9 · answered by mart1gon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, you don't have to be strong for them. You're family as well and it's okay to "lose it". You need to grieve. I'm sure your family isn't expecting or wanting you to be strong at this moment. Don't try to stuff your feelings in order to help your family through this time; grieve along with them and let time heal the wounds.
My sincerest condolences to you and your family.
2006-11-09 08:50:50 · answer #10 · answered by rosecitylady 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋