We've been married three years, and have never used birth controll. We're in the process of adopting, and we hit a snag with our worker. My husband was discussing the situation with his mom, and she said we should just go do fertility treatments. I'm not interested in artifically creating a child when there are plenty of kids out there who need parents! We're also not interested in pointing fingers if one of us turns out to be infertal.
I see the was she reacts to my brother in law's step son vs the child they believe is his bio child. It's total night and day, and my main fear is that my adopted kids will sense the difference between the way they are treated vs the way the bio (or alleged bio) grandchildren are treated.
2006-11-09 08:35:55 · 27 answers · asked by Gabby_Gabby_Purrsalot 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
For that person who said 'it is not artificial' it's real life....
I have worked with kids who have born with IVF. They have a lot of issues sometimes not apparent at birth such as autism and other developmental delays. On top a lot of times you get multiple babies and they are born premature and have a lot of serious issues related to prematurity, some that last life long. Others that are okay still sometimes look funny.
Perhaps you can educate your MIL about that. And secondly, don't worry too much about what her opinion is, I have noticed that 'that generation' is usually less educated and super conservative to the extent that they are just plain dumb with some ideation of theirs. Just brush her off and do what is appropriate for you.
If she is ever nasty to your child set her straight, better yet set her straight about her behavior to your brother in law's kids. Nasty old grandma's! they give the rest of them a bad name don't they?
2006-11-09 09:55:18 · answer #1 · answered by pp 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
There are people who don't allow animals in their house. They are not unreasonable when they ask you to not bring the dog in their house. It's what they do not want. That is reason enough. You make your rules for your house and you can be stern or flexible if you want to. Can I bring my 400 pound anaconda around your Shi Tzu? You'd be smart to say "no" and insist on it no matter how much i love my snake. Kennel the dog and enjoy your visit. When I travel, I have a friend come over daily to look in on my pets and all is well when I return. If you can't do that, you probably need to make some friends. Start calling and see who will help. Our friend is well accepted by my pets and she loves tending them.
2016-05-22 01:10:04 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is very hurtful to be rejected by a family member just because of being bio or adopted, but they are not the ones who will be loving them uncondtionaly the rest of thier little blessed lives, If your heart wants to adopt, you are one of the few that will open your hearts and a home to a precious child! I want to so badly, but my husband doesn't want any more children we have one biologically now and we love her, and we are having no luck for a second child...anyways you and your husband without a doubt wan to adopt and raise this child as your own! This means so much! when you adopt that child he/she will know how special their parents are. they wanted a child to love so much they would open their house for me. Just like you hear, anyone can be a parent, but it takes a speical person to be mommy and daddy!! do EVERY worry what anyone else will think or say or do. this will be YOUR child love them no matter what. God Bless!
2006-11-09 08:59:00 · answer #3 · answered by Hotonic 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's so unfortunate, but there are some people who do not have the size of heart that you do. I was adopted when I was 2 days old. Mom is Mom. I never searched for my so-called "biological family", because my mom loved me so well, I had no reason. There was nothing missing in my life. My advice is this; if she can't accept your children, she doesn't need to be around them. When she can love them, and show no favoritism, that's when she would be welcomed back in to my home, and yes, she is being unreasonable.
2006-11-09 08:41:14 · answer #4 · answered by pupcake 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's wrong of what you're MIL is doing. A lot of grandparents do this. Sometimes they favor the oldest and/or favor the ones who are their blood. It's a selfish thing to do considering the children have done nothing wrong. Continue on with your adoption and love your child as if it were your own. Don't freak over what your MIL does or says. She needs to grow up. Best of luck to you and your husband.
2006-11-09 08:40:27 · answer #5 · answered by blueeyeskenai 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweety, not all fertility treatments are artificial!! I had fertility shots for quite some time and fertility drugs. Low and behold, I had 4 children. BUT not with the husband who had me going through all of this............( come to find out he was screwing anyone he could land his pecker in, and was useing up all his good sperm on ohters). It takes like 3 to 4 days to build up fast little swimmers.
IF you and hubby aren't interested in pointing fingers, then DON'T. Just go in and both of you be checked before you decide to adopt. Creating new life is the most exciting thing ever!
IF you think you already know how granny would treat your adopted children, why in the world would you subject them to that kind of pain??
Go get checked.....see what is what. It could be a simple case of you hving endemitriois. Get scraped clean and get going!!!
2006-11-09 08:44:23 · answer #6 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
The choice between adoption and fertility treatments is completely between you and your husband. I would suggest that you listen closely to what he really wants too - he may want to try the fertility option.
If your mother-in-law chooses to "pick favorites" among her grandchildren there is nothing you can do about it and she is the loser in the long run. She will have to endure the consequences to her actions, but they are hers to own. You and your future children can not own your mother-in-law's bad choices.
I pray that you and your husband not only discuss this issue between the two of you, but with God also. He will lead you to do the right thing!
God Bless you and your family!
2006-11-09 08:45:07 · answer #7 · answered by Buff 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
oh wow, my heart breaks just thinking that grandparents will have favoritism. all children are precious and they all should be treated the same. that's her problem if she doesn't recognize an adopted child her own grandchild, then she'll be missing out. you didn't instill that thought in her, so it's not your fault. she's just unreasonable and there's nothing you can do about it. sad, but there are people like that.
actually, now that i think about it, it is happening within my family. my uncle adopted a girl because he and his wife couldn't have children. my grandmother's got 6 biological grandchildren including me and 1 adopted grandchild. she does not count her as a grandchild, she doesn't even say that's my adopted grandchild, to her the girl does not exist.
2006-11-09 08:41:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Man is she ever going to miss out. Good for you. A child is a child that deserves love. If she can't get beyond that, it's such a loss for her. She sounds like a sad woman. I hope you guys have great success with your adoption...be careful though, during her adoption process is when my friend finally DID get pregnant! Best Wishes.
2006-11-09 08:38:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Yes she's unreasonable, and she's putting her nose in where it doesn't belong...and if she is heartless enough to show favoritism over the children then I'd keep my own away from her if they were adopted. They won't be missing out on someone who will only mentally abuse them...and she does not deserve to have the love of a child she would treat in such a way.
2006-11-09 08:39:50 · answer #10 · answered by svmainus 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋