please help what do i do ?.?

Question

im trying to get over a break-up. but its my little girl just when i think were making headway and getting on she breaks down. we have gone through so much in the last 6 month and she so grown up for her age and we are so close. its killing me because i havent got the answers for her. my ex is dangling us both on a string which im trying to break off and thought i was but she completly and utterly broke down in my arms tonight and said she wants the family back together she was destroyed. it kilt me. the main reason i havent got the answers for her is even though me and him were best friends for 5 yrs then engaged for nearly 2 he aint her biological dad, yet he keeps telling me he wants to be there for her and be friends so he can see us both. he has three other kids from when we were friends. so i used to take 4 of them on every wkend when we were together. how do i break my little girl off ive tried so hard and dont know what to do anymore ?.x

sorry i did forget to mention since splitting up we have just made a big move on our own for me to start uni on a nursing course january.x

Answer 1

You just have to keep trying. The reason why it happens just when you think you're making headway is probably because she is afraid to let it go and get through it because it is familiar to her. Even though it hurts her it's all she knows. Children will hold onto whatever makes them secure no matter if it's good or bad. They feel secure when eveything in their life is always the same. My guess is that she is over you not being with him anymore but is still holding onto the next phase...the pain. You have to let her know that it is ok to be sad but it's also ok to move on.Continue to let her know how much you love her. You have to be strong for her when she breaks down, she'll see and feel your strength and little by little she'll know that she can get through it. But you cannot break down with her just make sure you comfort her, that way she knows you two have each other. Whatever you do , if you know being with him was not good for the two of you, don't give in. No matter how much you see that it hurts her.......do what's best for the both of you. It's like when a child wants to eat a lot of candy.....they'll cry because you won't let them....but you are the parent and you know that in the long run all that candy is bad for their teeth and not very healthy for them. You said she is so grown up for her age.......be the parent...don't let her make these difficult decisions. Only you know what's best for your child!

Answer 2

You don't say how old your daughter is, but since he has some kids from previously, and you appear to also, I would say she is, sadly, put in the middle of YOUR MESS. Now I say this because, its not one of her making, and is between you and your EX. Arrangements should have been or should be made, to try and allow her some time with his children if at all possible. This is not for your comfort, but for your daughters comfort. If your EX is trying to step up in this, then good for him and for your daughter. If he is using the girl, then making other playdates with other playmates is a must. After all, she has lost a Papa (even if he wasn't her own, he stood in for him) and her loss is not of her doing. No wonder her tears are coming so easily. Be a woman, your child is suffering because of your breakup and its your duty to try and help her through this time. She does not need to know why (she's a child and she shouldn't be privy to adult problems, she's not your girlfriend!), she just needs some understanding without gruesome details. A simple "we are not getting along right now, so we are taking a break for a while" should be enough and engaging your child in activites where you are not stressing on her about her step dad or dragging her further into your drama should help her feel not so isolated and help her to focus on better days ahead. Good luck with your situation and your daughter, she sounds like a sweet, sensitive child.

Answer 3

I am not sure which is the little girl, you or your daughter. If you are actually the grown up then act like one, take charge, and move on with your life. If he has three kids from when you are friends, he should not be what you are looking for in your life. Just stay away from the guy and you daughter will get over it.

Answer 4

First you obviously need to go back to college, get over this loser and move on. Focus on making a good home for your little girl, and quit fretting over some guy. You have a daughter that doesn't know her biological father and her step-father just walked out. This should tell you something. You need to re-prioritize, get you rlife together, so your daughter can have one. Quit trying to find a guy. Focus on school, job and being a better mother. Don't go looking for another guy, that is the last thing either of you need.

Answer 5

Thats so sad. How old is your daughter?
The only thing you can do is give it time and try and talk to your daughter. Be there for her.
There are lots of groups for single parents (not to date but to get together and support eachother.) Maybe try one of those groups.
Its tough but she will get over it. But you need to look after yourself too, it must be hard enough dealing with a break up let alone when you have to be strong for your child. Maybe get some counselling?
Good luck.
x

Answer 6

that is the only bad thing about it whenever children are involved the best thing you can do is be there for her and try to explain it to her and hold of on getting in another relationship right now give her another 6 months and keep her away from him dont mention his name, etc. this may help good luck and im sorry to hear this i know how this must break ur heart.

Answer 7

AW. okay first. Ifyou want to break her off from her, your gonna not wanna let him come around, it will just make it harder on you and her. You have got to explain to her that you and her is all you guys need, and you dont need a guy, because after all you are girls and we DONT need guys. It might be hard at first, but you gotta give it time. But yeah, im taking it she doesnt see her dad, and he was like a dad to her, so its gonna be even harder.
goodluck hun.

Answer 8

Wow, I really do feel for you and your daughter. First allow me to say that my prayers will be with you. Now, to the matter at hand. We never seem to take in account how our own actions might affect others. It is very difficult to try and predict the future, as a matter of fact it is nearly impossible. So what I suggest first is that you forgive yourself. What, you may ask? You are currently harboring guilt for creating pain in your daughters life. In your search for finding someone to share your life with(and there is nothing wrong with that), your daughter became close to him as well(which is only natural). Had it not been for your relationship, your daughter never would have had feelings for him. So now you feel guilty for what you have created. So again, your first step should be to forgive yourself. You were not wrong, but you still have guilt and you can not help your daughter with those feelings inside of you. We always want to DO what we can for our children. Our children are our most precious gifts that have been bestowed upon us, and there is nothing that we wouldn't do for them. It is that feeling that can help drive us to be better parents, or can be our worst enemy and have us do too much for our children. It is the balance that is difficult to find, but is what we strive for. You daughter is hurting right now, so much infact that you feel her pain. You do not just know her pain, but you can actually feel it. Right now you feel the need to protect you daughter from that pain. Ask yourself this question, would I be helping her if I made it go away? Do we as parents know how to make pain disappear? Have we ever successfully made our own pain disappear? Or should we find a way to teach our children as wll as ourselves how to manage the pain, deal with the pain, and grow from that very same pain. Pain is a lifes lesson that can propel us forward. Pain no longer needs to be looked at as a bad thing, when there is always a positive light that can be shed on any situtaion. Love can and will heal pain. Love is all encompassing. When we feel pain, that simply means that we need to find a source of love. A source that can give to us, and our own source to share with others. Our hearts have no limit. Love is endless, and timeless. There is no boundary that can hold love. Sharing begets sharing. Share your love with your daughter. It is not like you have ever taken it away, just now you need to find that extra resource inside of you to increase what you already have. Remember love is limitless, that means so is the love that you have for your daughter. It is all that she will need to get through what she is dealing with right now, and also for all future pains. Love is your answer!

Answer 9

Kids are incredibly resilient, hopefully he'll be true to his word and still maintain some contact but if not it will just take time for her to come to terms with it all. Best of luck for the future!

Answer 10

i think that even if he's not her biological dad you should let them continue their relationship. he's been in her life for 5 years!!!! she needs a male role model in her life and if he is willing to be there for her then why not let it be. if you start dating someone else the same thing may happen and wouldn't want her to go through this again.