He was talking to his friend that he was feeling so much pressure for getting married, and he doesn't want to do it. Even I have asked him so many times, he doesn't tell me what's on his mind. he acts like everything is good to go. He was the one started talking about getting married while he was in Iraq, and also we have been in the long distance relationship for more than 2 years. We both know that getting married is the only way to be together. I need to know what's on his mind. How can I know his mind? If he doesn't want to get married, I want him to tell me that. Now I am in middle of nowhere and tottaly lost.
2006-11-09 08:31:13 · 15 answers · asked by peach0718 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Ask him to be direct,and it will hurt alot less now then after you get married,realize it was a mistake and then go thru the pain of divorce,honesty hurts alot less,I promise
2006-11-09 08:34:46 · answer #1 · answered by too_many_hatz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Getting married is not the only way the two of you can be together. If he was previously talking about marriage but now he is having second thoughts and isn't ready, then don't push it...instead of waiting for him to say something, go to him and suggest putting things off for another couple of years. Tell him that you think things have been moving too fast recently and you want to make sure that you both want the same things...marriage is a commitment that definitely shouldn't be taken lightly. If you think counseling session would help, then maybe you should suggest doing that...he has been in Iraq, away from civilization-in all honesty-and is stressing about getting his life back together. He might not tell you anything directly, but look at how he acts etc...body language speaks volumes!!
2006-11-09 20:52:33 · answer #2 · answered by VAWeddingSpecialist 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may be nervous or just have cold feet, what ever his malfunction is, I would not marry him until I was absolutely sure he is sure he wants to marry you. He has admitted to a friend he feels a lot of pressure to marry, yet he can't tell you, the person he is supposed to be life mates with. This is not good, not good at all.
I know you are hurt, feeling lost about a relationship is a horrible feeling. I know how that feels, I have traveled that road before. The fact of the matter is this, the pain you feel now is nothing compared to the pain you will feel if he comes to you x amount of time later and says he wants a divorce. I have traveled that road before also. You are better off waiting until you have a solid and definitive answer on this question from him.
Lots of luck to you!!! God bless!!!
2006-11-09 16:50:19 · answer #3 · answered by bowtierodz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe it is more the """wedding""" he doesn't want rather then the marriage
are you planning a BIG event or something small & intimate
I have often heard of people starting to plan big weddings & then getting very anxious about being in the limelight
you have to think about just what is important as the wedding & the marriage are 2 different things
the wedding is 1 day - really only a few hours
the MARRIAGE is meant to be a lifetime
however you really must talk to him & as someone else suggested maybe even get counselling
2006-11-12 06:40:36 · answer #4 · answered by fairypelican 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He might just be having cold feet and feeling the pressure that you cant be together if you dont get married. Me and my boyfriend are in almost the same position, I go active in a year and if we dont get married I have to leave him behind, it is a hard thought, even though you love your partner.
2006-11-09 16:37:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are planning on spending the rest of your life with this man, then you need to be upfront with him. Let him know that you are aware of his conversation with his friend and you would appreciate him talking to you about it. Don't get mad and upset for this is simply how he feels. Good luck and GOD bless you. If he truely doesn't want to get married then you have every right of knowing that way before making plans for the actual wedding.
2006-11-09 16:37:37 · answer #6 · answered by cookie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Five years is a very long time without a commitment. You have to realize you are using up good years if you are waiting for marriage, and he has no intention of it. The only way for you to know his mind is for him to tell you. Just tell him to tell you straight out, then you are not guessing.
2006-11-09 20:24:05 · answer #7 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's been 5 years - that is more then enough time to know if you want to marry someone. He doesn't want to get married to you and he may just be keeping you around until he finds the woman he does want to marry. Get out of there now! You've wasted enough time.
2006-11-09 16:36:12 · answer #8 · answered by Rachel 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
did you hear him tell his friend that, or did his friend tell you that he said that? he just is probablygetting nervous, hes in the military, and maybe hes afraid of leaving you a widow in the near future. I heard alot of guys in the military say that. Make him sit down and talk to you or give him his ring back, tell him that you cant marry someone that cant be open and honest. Its not how you would raise your kids if in the future you had any.
2006-11-09 16:50:11 · answer #9 · answered by tsd574 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that you by you asking him repeatedly if he wants to get married when you already feel that he isn't ready is dangerous. You could be the bigger person, even though you are ready, and postpone the wedding. If you truly feel that he is unhappy, you can make it easier for him to talk about and just postpone it.
Marriage is a serious committment and you shouldn't rush into it when you and your partner are not seeing eye-to-eye.
-EZ
2006-11-09 16:53:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋