my boyfriend is what you could call a jerk. he is usually sweet to me if he's not joking around. He can be very mean to other people and when i tried to tell him how that bothered me he got defensive. he asked me why i care if hes nice to me? i figure it bothers me because how he treates other people is his real personality. i'm thinking that someday he will start to treat me like he treats everyone else.
i don't want to change him b/c i know that doesn't work. i don't know what to do b/c talking to him about it just made us both mad. what should i do?.......
2006-11-09 07:35:51 · 19 answers · asked by smiles 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i understand exactly what you mean. i had a boyfriend like who did that all the time. he was very like-able and had incredible charisma, which was one of the things that attracted me to him. however there would be time where he would safe cruel and offensive things about other people. i asked him why he did that and he said he was only joking around. personally i think it's insecurity of themselves. it could also be the need for attention, if he does it in front of other people or maybe he is just a jerk. if i were you i would see if the bad stuff outweigh the good. if it does than go ahead and look for better pasture, that what i did, cuz like you said changing them doesn't work!!
good luck!!
2006-11-09 07:45:05 · answer #1 · answered by Julz 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are right that is his personality and will start to treat you that way at one point. I would say get out while you can get hurt. I went thru a relationship like that in my mid 20's and thought he loves me soooo much, he treats me so much better than others. All said and done I had a broken jaw the last time he beat me up. I could never trust men after that and I am still single. I will start to date and the first time I see them get upset about anything I am out of there and end dating them
2006-11-09 07:43:50 · answer #2 · answered by Nani 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
tell him that u accept the way he behaves wt other people as a reflection of his future attitude towards you, because you think the way he baheves wt u is not his real personality. tell him that you don't approve of his behaviour. You can even tell him u will not put up wt his behaviour and you can even issue an ultimatum like-"I don't think I can stand that if you keep on like that". If u make him understand that really bothers you and if he really cares about you he'll stop doing that at least when you are around
2006-11-09 07:43:45 · answer #3 · answered by Dobbie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It should bother your boyfriend that you do not like how he treats other people, if he can be nice to you then he is capable of being nice to other people, he should care what you thing you are his girlfriend.
2006-11-09 07:40:36 · answer #4 · answered by lara 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some things are off-limits to trying to change a person, but asking him to be more respectful isn't a major change. Did you explain to him why it bothered you? Remember when you discuss something you dislike about him to try to be respectful and caring, unless he isn't doing the same.
2006-11-09 07:40:25 · answer #5 · answered by Angel Baby 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
His treatment of other people is a reflection on you. The fact that he doesn't get why you're uncomfortable with his behavior speaks volumes.
You are correct in your assumption that he will one day turn his behavior on you...in fact, based on your description on how he reacted when you brought up his behavior says he's already started. I'd dump him .....as you said...he won't change...EVER
2006-11-09 07:39:43 · answer #6 · answered by baby1 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since he didn't act his normal personality in the first place,you should have never gone out with him. True love is liking a person with a true personality,otherwise your just a trophy for him.
Good Luck-
2006-11-09 07:39:01 · answer #7 · answered by Jeremy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
remember, not everyone is compatible. that is why we date before we get married, to see who we are actually compatible with. sometimes we deluge ourselves with hopefullness of happiness and good times, where, in fact, we actually realize that, hey, this person is not who i thought they were.
i would get out of this relationship while you still can - i have several friends that will not get out of a relationship with a "mean" boyfriend for.....well lots of reasons, but it all comes down to the fact that they should have done it sooner, and now feel "stuck".
2006-11-09 07:42:08 · answer #8 · answered by holyitsacar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you're right, you cant change him. So you either deal with it or you get out. Yes one day its quite possible he will start treating you like that.
2006-11-09 07:38:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are right, what you see is his real personality, he's just being nice to you to keep you around. Eventually he will start showing his real personality to you too, maybe you should walk away while you can......that's just my opinion.
2006-11-09 07:38:58 · answer #10 · answered by Scotty 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋