Anyone know some good clean jokes or riddles for 17 yr. old boy?

Question

My friends son is stuck in county for 30 days and is bored out of his mind. Hoping to find some good ones to make him smile and take his mind off that nasty place for awhile. thanks for you're help

Answer 1

*The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. automakers for the past five years, whereby the automakers were installing black box voice recorders in pick-up trucks.
This was done in an effort to determine, when accidents occurred, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of crashes were, "Oh, ****".
Only the state of Montana was different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were:
"Hold my beer and watch this!"

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*A woman sends her husband out to buy some escargot
for a dinner party that night. Instead of going
straight to the store, the husband decides to stop
at a local bar. He has a few beers, and then some
more, and pretty soon he looks at his watch and finds
he's over an hour late for the dinner party. He
dashes to the store, picks up the escargot, and
frantically heads home.
When he walks in the door, he's greeted with his wife demanding from the kitchen, "What took you so long?"
So, throwing the snails on the floor as his wife enters the hall, he says, " Aw c'mon guys, we're nearly there!"


*1st man - "McDougall’s dead. He fell into a vat of whisky."
2nd man - "What a shame. Was it a quick death?"
1st man - "I don’t think so. He came out twice to go to the toilet."


*An Irish priest and a Rabbi are involved a car accident. They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road.
The Rabbi says, "Oy vey! What a wreck!"
The priest asks him, "Are you all right, Rabbi?"
The Rabbi responds, "Just a little shaken."
The priest pulls a flask of whiskey from his coat and says, "Here, drink some of this it will calm your nerves." The Rabbi takes the flask and drinks it down saying, "Well, what are we going to tell the police?"
"Well," the priest says, "I don't know what your after tellin' them. But I'll be tellin' them I wasn't the one drinkin'."


*An elderly man moved into a nursing home. After he'd been there a few days, a nurse noticed him leaning to the right, and strapped his left arm to the chair. A few days later, she noticed him leaning to the left, and so she strapped his right arm to the chair. Not long after that, she noticed him leaning forward in his chair, so she strapped him to the back of the chair.
His daughter came to visit him.
"How do you like this place?" she asked him.
"It's not bad," he replied, "except
they won't let me fart."


*There once was a very happy truck driver that was eating in a diner one night. Three bikers came and proceeded to pick on the truck driver by pouring pepper and salt all over him, spitting in his coffee, and stealing his food. The truck driver didn't do anything, just stood up, paid his bill, and left the diner.
"That truck driver isn't much of a fighter," said one of the bikers.
The girl behind the counter, peering out into the night, added, "He doesn't seem like much of a driver either. He just ran his truck right over three motorbikes."


*SECRET DIARY OF A CAT
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding on the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair... must try this on their bed (again).

DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was ...Hmmm. Not working according to plan...
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth and the tiny bit of flesh under my claws.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.

But I can wait; it is only a matter of time....

Answer 2

a man walks into a pet shop and asks:-

"how much are your flys?"

the pet shop owner replys:-

"we dont sell flys"

so the man informs him:-

"well you have some in the window"...


well at least its nice and short so you'll remember this one.....

in world war 2, before the D Day landings, what did Hitler say to his men before they got into their tanks?


"Get in them Tanks men"......

Answer 3

All rigth, so these 2 jews walk into a bar...... The bartender says "get the hell out"

Answer 4

Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage? Ta da dump ta da dump ta da dump dump dump...

Answer 5

a guy walked ito a bar and said ouch

Answer 6

what has three legs, and is shaped like a three leged man?




a three leged man.