I really need ideas to discipline my 4 year old niece?

Question

I am the main caretaker of my 4 year old niece. She is currently property of the LA county court and we are in a custody battle. The court will not allow us to spank. I have tried everything. Here is a list:
1. Took her toys away
2. Put her in timeout (1 min. for her age so total of 4min.)
Longer if the crime is bigger.
3. explained to her that if we are mean to people ,people will be mean to her, if we are nice...if we give attitude....etc...
4. had her write ten times her crime (the thing she did wrong)
Example: I will not throw sand....I will not hit.....etc.
5. Yes I threaten with the police (I used this because she tried jumping out of the car in the freeway thank god for child locks)
I explained to her police are trained to teach people not to do bad.
6. I used the talking method were I simply talked to her and hoped she'd understand.
7. I have completely striped her from all her belongings.
8. I have ignored her and walked away when tantrums accrue.
PLEASE HELP ME!!!!

Answer 1

I think she might just be asking for attention, she apparently doesn't have the easiest life for a 4 year old and might be confuse about the all custody battle and not feeling wanted, I think she does need discipline and most of all a lot of love and maybe the help of a psychologist, good luck!

Answer 2

Pray with her...teach her Bible stories and get her involved with Sunday School, talk to the Pastor and explain the issues, you will get support at the right church
Sounds like you are doing VERY well, I do not like to make law enforcement persons part of a threat, SO, that is the ONE thing I dont like that you have stated
You are not going to be perfect and neither will she
I would take time to reward her EVERY time she does something GOOD
Maybe color with her, buy her some of this COLOR WONDER paint I love that stuff though it is pretty expensive, let her tell YOU stories that she makes up...here is something fun, ask her "Sarah (or whatever her name is) what is a spring lock?" or just anything off the wall and listen to her explain it to you, it is SO funny what kids come up with and sometimes suprising that they really do have an idea!
You have taken on some tough responsibility, with LOVE, and I admire you!

Answer 3

Even though your neice is only 4 she knows that you are not her mom. Kids think they get away with smart stuff like that. You have to beat her at her own game. You are doing everything absolutely correct, but a good ole fashioned spanking would be in order. I understand the law and you must abide so.....what I would do is..when she acting up and showing out and clowning and just being a total butthole-I would.......do nothing. Let her have that moment. She hit somebody-let them hit her back. And make sure they hit her hard enough so she knows to think twice before she does it again. She throwing sand...throw some back. Kids have to be taught to obey and listen and learn. She'll calm down slow but for surely. And you're welcome

Answer 4

You're trying too many things. You need to just pick a few and stick with them. Consistancy is key.

From your list, I think the best punishments you should use are taking away toys and priveledges, ignoring tantrums, and talking it out.

Time outs really don't do anything for children. Some might say otherwise, but they really do more harm than good. They isolate and shame her instead of showing her that her behavior was wrong. Taking away toys and talking it out does the exact opposite and I think that's what you need to stick with.

Answer 5

Well i grew up in foster care all my life i was in the same boat and acted the same way please don't give up the most important thing is to give here love and support, Hear her out as she speaks mostly as she troughs tantrums hold her tell you love her and its going to be ok in being a foster parent you have to have patience. it does get hard since your not aloud to spank but HEAR THIS OUT: when she starts acting all crazy then they try to put it on you as your not a good parent my foster mom was told the same thing a little spanking is going to hurt. There's a difference from spanking and abusing also my mom spanked me and i wish she did it more IF YOUR TAKING YOUR NIECE IN AS YOUR OWN THEN SHE'S YOURS AS ALONG AS YOU DON'T ABUSE, A TAP ISN'T GOING TO KILL HER BUT SCARE HER TO KNOW YOU ARE MOMMY! AND YOU WANT HER TO BEHAVE
MOST IMPORTANTLY I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU FOR REACHING OUT FOR HELP THERE IS ALOT OF PEOPLE JUST ABUSING AND MISUSING CAUSE THEY DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO IF YOU HAVE FAITH THINGS WILL WORK OUT "GOD WONT PUT YOU AND HER THROUGH NOTHING YOU CANT HANDLE!)

Answer 6

She might just need some quality time with you and try not to start fights. If she starts to get angry, i would just tell her calmly, " Some things in life i cant afford." If she wants like, oh i dont know something like, a cool video game and you cant get and she says its not fair, then you simply say " Life is not fair! " And also if you say " Do you think im being to hard on you?" and she says yes then you say " That means im doing my job right then." Sometimes good things in life, are just too good for us. And cant be brought into our hearts until approved by God and given to you by him. Thats how you get miracles.

Answer 7

sit her in a chair she cannot get out of like a high chair up againest the wall so she cant interact with things around her then set the timer on the microwave tell her when the beep goes off she needs to be able to tell you what she did wrong and apologze if she doesnt make her sit until shes ready to tell you

Answer 8

You answered your own question when you said "The court will not allow us to spank."

Who's raising this child, you or the court? If spanking made you a bad parent, I'd be under the jail!! A pop on the rear end never hurt anybody, as long as you don't overdo it.

Answer 9

take her to a doctor. She seems to have difficultly connecting punishment to the crime. that could be a sign of many things- autism, ashbergers, sociopathic tendencies, add.

also, make sure you know who her friends are. children learn a lot by seeing and doing so you have to make sure the people around her are doing the right things

Answer 10

put her in the corner, and if she wants to throw a tantrum, fine, add 5 minets to her time every time she makes 1 noise... tough love baby...tough love...(it works trust me...i had to do it once too) ;)*smiles*:)