I am the main caretaker of my 4 year old niece. She is currently property of the LA county court and we are in a custody battle. The court will not allow us to spank. I have tried everything. Here is a list:
1. Took her toys away
2. Put her in timeout (1 min. for her age so total of 4min.)
Longer if the crime is bigger.
3. explained to her that if we are mean to people ,people will be mean to her, if we are nice...if we give attitude....etc...
4. had her write ten times her crime (the thing she did wrong)
Example: I will not throw sand....I will not hit.....etc.
5. Yes I threaten with the police (I used this because she tried jumping out of the car in the freeway thank god for child locks)
I explained to her police are trained to teach people not to do bad.
6. I used the talking method were I simply talked to her and hoped she'd understand.
7. I have completely striped her from all her belongings.
8. I have ignored her and walked away when tantrums accrue.
PLEASE HELP ME!!!!
2006-11-09 07:21:39 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
torture is the next step
2006-11-09 07:24:20 · answer #1 · answered by steve 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You can't try something once or twice and expect it to work. You have to be consistent every time! She is to young for you to take her things away and use the police to scare her!!! Do you know how many children try to open the car door while moving? And you feel in necessary to call the police in on it??? You have a 4 yr old write as a punishment!!! Look your neice has obviously been through a lot for such a young age. You are making it worse!!! If you really want to learn some techniques to get her under cotrol then watch the nanny shows! Still you HAVE TO BE CONSISTANT EVERY TIME!!! It may take a week or two of hard work, but it will be worth it!
2006-11-09 07:34:40 · answer #2 · answered by wish I were 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There truly is one answer. RELAX!! Lose the idea that this is something that can be controlled, like a robot or a pet.
If you really do love your niece, and want to do what's best, study up on the brain development for a child of this age.
You expect more than is reasonable. Kids are not reasonable.
They push and push.
The answer is for you to be ok with it, and move forward to do the best for her.
Listen and observe what is happening with her, not what you want her to do for you.
Step outseide of your situation and look at it as if you were watching a tv show.
Is it possible that she hears negative stuff about her folks from your lips? Does she sense your anger, and feels helpless?
Kids have NO control over their lives. Imagine being in her shoes.
This may be a good start.
2006-11-09 07:33:49 · answer #3 · answered by Fitchurg Girl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
With all you have done, and considering there are restrictions on your methods of discipline, and considering she has already exhibited the potential of taking her own life, (Jumping from an auto on the freeway), I would suggest for her own good and safety, that she be committed to a children's psychiatric unit for professional evaluation and subsequent treatment.
I can see where it is easy for some to sit back and put down your attempts to discipline her, of course they are not in your shoes, and arm chair quarterbacking is a very easy thing for some to do.
I think you should advise the court asap as to the goings on, as if she does take her own life, while in your care, and with the inhibited wisdom of some of the court systems, you may be found in some way to be to blame.
You can only do what you can do, and somethings are outside the realm of possibility and if she continues, it is just a matter of time before she takes her own life.
I am sorry to hear what is going on, but please do what is right for her and for yourself.
You can't say you haven't tried, and then some and you are not to feel guilty for having done the right thing in consideration for her safety and well being.
Sincerely,
Darryl S.
2006-11-09 07:38:44 · answer #4 · answered by Stingray 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is not interested in her possessions she wants her mommy. Talk to her about her parents. Let her know what she is going through is not her fault. Ask her how she feels, get on her level and talk to her not like a child, but as a person who is smart and knows whats going on. Love her a whole lot. Good luck.
2006-11-09 07:26:37 · answer #5 · answered by firelady 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Has she seen a councilor? It' sounds like she's had a rough life so far, which is sad for her. She may have some emotional issues she's trying to deal with and tantrums are the only way she knows how to express them. Good luck and god bless.
2006-11-09 07:25:28 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Talk to her pediatrician. Aside from feeling anger with whatever happened at home with her biological parents, there could be a nutritional imbalance or even a chemical imbalance. I wish you the best!
2006-11-09 07:25:31 · answer #7 · answered by thezaylady 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
hmmm, thats a toughy...pretend to cry when shes done something bad and see if she cares, maybe shell see that she is upsetting you, or making you mad, good luck with that!!...all your other options above have worked with me before, sorry thats the only other thing i could think of and my son is 5
2006-11-09 07:26:33 · answer #8 · answered by Rena 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
talk to her pediatrician, maybe they can direct you to someone that can help. my mom works at a pediatricians office, and they actually have someone at their office for problems like yours. good luck!
2006-11-09 07:24:24 · answer #9 · answered by kimberly k 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋