I still love my x boyfriend but he drinks to much.I don't want that kind of life.He wants me back.What do i do

Question

I do believe my x boyfriend loves me.He calls and begs me to move back in with him.But i can't deal with the way he drinks.I get so mad at him when he calls me and he is drunk.He said he wants to give up drinking.But he don't seem to want to do anything about it.What can i do for him??

Answer 1

Nothing, he has to want to change and actions will speak louder than his words. So until then, distances yourself and make the right choices for you.

Answer 2

Being an ex-alcoholic myself, this is an easy answer. Unfortunately, it probably won't be the one you want to hear.
He has developed 2 dependencies, one is booze, the other is you. And as long as he has ample supply of both, he WILL NOT change his ways.
The good news though, is that most people DO get sick of getting drunk all the time, and usually after having a "rock bottom" experience, they finally learn to sober up.
The bad news though, is that this experience could take upwards of years to happen. And I'm guessing you're already fed up with it.

You will more than likely have to present him with an Ultimatum. You will have to give him the choice between you, or the booze. Don't be surprised though, if he chooses the booze first. But, your abscence could give him his first "rock bottom" shot in the arm, which although would hurt at first, would actually help him in the long run. The more he loses, the more he will realize what he is losing, and finally smarten up.

Either way, good luck with it.

Answer 3

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do for him, he has to do it himself and for himself. If he quits drinking "just" for you odds are once he's got you back the drinking will start up again. Your best bet is to get your phone number changed so you don't have to listen to his drunken phone calls. If he gets himself some help and makes changes in his life and wants you back he'll figure out a way to contact you. You say he loves you, that's nice, but he needs to love himself and you more than the bottle and right now I doubt he's there. If you find someone else in the mean time then you know that's the way it was supposed to be.

Answer 4

I'm sorry to say that there is nothing you can do for him, he has to do it himself. I know you care about him, but believe me when you are being the smartest and bravest by not getting involved with him.

Of course, support him emotionally and help if you want and can, but live your life and don't feel guilty about it. Only he han change this - no matter what he says or does. He needs help. Steer him towards Alcoholics Anonymous or a treatment center.

It is not enough for him to just quit drinking because there are underlying issues that he needs to resolve. There is such a thing as a "dry drunk".

Good luck to you dear

Answer 5

Drinking is a social evil even if he does love u his love for a drink will prevent him from thinking clearly.This could cause a serious problem in your relationship later on.Not only would this lead to unnecessary fights but would result in you and your family getting hurt.
Give him an ultimatum ask him to stop drinking if he tries to cut it down cut him a little slack give him time to get back on his feet. This time will be a real torture for him so be by his side.

But god forbid he doesnt quit then u better forget about the guy ur better off without him.

Answer 6

His problem with alcohol will never go away. He will always be tempted. Can you live with this? If he is serious that he will quit drinking and that he loves you this much he can show you. Is he willing to stay sober for 6 months before you decide if you should move back in with him? You can only give him an ultimatum. The final decision is all his.

Answer 7

Only he is he one who has to make the hange.
U an only support him, whih u must do if hes willing.
Dont move bak with him for now.
See if he really means what he says. Tell him u will support him if he's willing to go to AA for the required period of time.
If that doesnt work out, u will know in a month or 2, leave him for good.
Best wishes!

Answer 8

If you know that you don't want that kind of life, I think that makes your decision quite a bit easier. By following your own inner guidance about what is best for you, you are teaching him the same thing. If he is wise, he will recognize that you are not going to compromise and be co-dependent with him. If he is not wise, he will never see that and you probably wouldn't want to be with someone like that anyway. Do you want to spend your life in chaos or do you want peace? I think this is the bottom line.

Answer 9

Give him a bottle of booze for his next holiday present. In fact, every holiday, give him something with a direct connection to alcohol; he'll either get the point or ask why everything you seem to buy him has to do with liquor. There's your intro...have a very calm, quiet and direct talk with him about why you can't deal with him the way he is. Whether he feels the need to/not to change his behavior patterns, there's no question about if he's clear on your position.

Answer 10

There is nothing you can do for him.
He will stop only on his time .
You will not ever change any one in life the only one you have control over is you yourself and that is all.
People are who they are .And until they are ready to see what destruction they bring on there own life's by the decisions they have made in there own life's they will not change.
So if you are ready to go down some long hard roads I would stay with him .Because most likely you are going to be so caught up in his messing up your life is going to pass you by and you putting your life on hold for a drunk is you business.
But please think of your happiness you will be missing out on trying to convince him all the time of his foolishness

Answer 11

Leave him alone. The problem he has could take years to fix, or at least deal with. You do not need someone like that, Tell him to call you in 5 years and see if he still feels the same way.