I have a 16yr son who argues with everyone and will not stop being disrespectful what should I do?

Question

He has 2 brothers 17yrs & 8yrs, His older brother is graduating this year and is very good in sports so he thinks we favor him more but that is not true. My 16 yr old played sports for 9 yrs and decided it was not for him.We are fine with that. We tell him not to get on the computer and then he does. When we say something he always brings up the way we punish him n comparison to his older brother.We have tried talking to him not arguing with him that did not work.everybody will say he's just a teenager but it's gone futher than just a teenager thing. Any suggestions???? He calls his little brother names in front of me..

I have taken the comuter cords and his cell phone away, he tells us he has no problem that all we look forward to is arguing with him. that he hates the fact that we ask him to do any chores in the house,because if the older one doesn't have to do that much why should he.but our older son play football and basketball so he is at practice 4 days a week and has football games on Friday night he is getting a scholer ship for football so he has put a lot of hours into sports but it's paying off in the long run.all we ask is to put the clothes away and sweep downstairs..Everyday it's something you can not talk to him at all because he is such a smart a** that it's crazy. I took him to shcool yesterday and i told him we had to leave at 6:55 am so i would not be late for work well at 7:05 he was finally ready, then argued because i told him that i was going to be late for work and his response was he was wearing dirty shorts because i had to rush him and it was my fault..I have no more answer

Answer 1

Sounds like middle child syndrome. He is going through that icky teenage period too. Try asking him if there is anything he is interested in getting involved in. It's good to have an extracurricular activity. Hopefully, something he really enjoys and he can feel good about himself for. Picking on the little brother is normal...even though it isn't right (poor little guy being so much younger too). I would tell him that at his age he should be mature enough to rise above making fun of his little brother and being disrespectful. Tell him once he learns this that others will respect him more and he will begin to see what being an adult is about. You can't listen to him when he tells you his punishment is worse than his older brother (if it isn't true). Just calmly tell him that isn't true and when any of you (them) get in trouble--you have consequences...that's the way life goes too. It's part of teaching him responsibility.

Answer 2

i skimmed through the previous answers and most have one thing in common- punish him. Being the third child in a family of four siblings, i can relate somewhat to your son. the first thing you need to do is understand why he is behaving the way he is.

i suffered from a syndrome similar to his-
* can't be the first
* can't be the last
* can't be the best
so what does he do?
*** be the worst.

to my understanding he is calling out for attention and the best way to get positive results is to award the achievements instead of punishing the bad.

sit him down and explain to him, one on one. be honest. let him know that you are your wits end in trying to get him to be disciplined. at 16 he wants to be treated as an adult (not that he really is) but you can treat him that way and he will behave that way.

if he's bad, ignore him. if he's good lavish praise. the more you quarrel and punish, the more he will rebel.

also keep in mind that no matter what direction he takes in life that you have tried your best.

good luck and i hope in 16 yrs i am not asking for help on this subject :-) (got a 2 mth old boy!!)

Answer 3

He sounds like he is extremely jealous not only of the oler brother but the younger one too.
I dont know if he's using that as an excuse to get away with things or if he is genuinely feeling left out from being in the middle. Either way it sounds like he needs someone to talk to that he feels he can trust.

Answer 4

If you don't favour the "thrash him to within an inch of his life" school of thought, then I suggest you remove the leads to the computer, grant him no favours, give him no money or food until he cries "foul".

Then tell him why, and what he has to do to earn the privileges back again.

Hunger for food and the things he takes for granted as his God-given right will soon focus his mind.

Answer 5

find out why exactly he feels you favor the older son, and why he thinks the punishments are not far. maybee he is acting out for attention? as long as he doesn't feel equal to his sibling, he will continue to act out. find out what he wants from you and use it as a bargoning tool. divide their chores equally. encourage your 16 year old to engage in a different school activity. get them together and let them know that bad behavior will not be tolerated and punshments will vary depending on the crime. if that doesn't work then beat his a.

Answer 6

He might feel ignored, which is what a lot of middle children feel. Set aside some one-on-one time to really get reaquainted with him. Go for a walk, get some ice cream, something he likes.

Answer 7

It sounds like he's trying to get into the pecking order around there. What I think you need is not a meeting with just him but, with everyone and find out what the order is and who belongs where.

Answer 8

Try a little soap in his mouth. I know he may seem too old for this, but it still works. If you hide the power cord for the computer he can't use the computer.

Answer 9

You can always send the 16 yr old to boot camp!

Answer 10

Tear his butt up, because you don't want him to wlk all over you, and don't fell bad about kicking him out if he thinks he's grown. If he don't listen, then action will have to work, let him know who's boss, and that you aren't to be stepped on.