I have a good friend who I have known since the start of high school. We have always just been friends but now I feel that my feelings for her has risen to a leve where I can't stop thinking about her. I know i could tell any girl that i find her attractive in any normal situation. However, with my friend, she has a boyfriend that is in college and also one of her good friends likes me. This is on my mind so much, I think it is causing me stress.
The situation in high schol is always you've had it, you don't want it, or you can't get it. Should I wait till she is single or tell her now so i can relieve my feelings? Would it solve my problems if we just became really close friends?
2006-11-09 04:49:09 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I would tell her, and here's why. It's a strain on you, and you should probably put a little distance between the two of you for your mental health. Tell her you've developed feelings for her, it wasn't on purpose, and you don't want her to feel pressured, but because of this you need to put a little space between the two of you for a time while you refocus yourself. Then be friendly, but cut your contact with her WAY down. This does a couple of things. It lets her know your thoughts, which is important in an honest friendship. But it doesn't give her the instant upper hand she would get if you "confessed your love" then waited around for her to do something (and what would that be? dump the BF? decide if she feels the same in return?), which almost always has a bad result for the confessor. Treat your developing ardor as a personal weakness of your own, perhaps a slightly embarrassing one, and assure her you're going to get over it without bothering her, you just wanted to do her the courtesy of letting her know why you can't hang out with her so much.
Once you go into "recovery" phase (spending less time with her) it does two things. It lets her know you aren't a lapdog, hanging around, waiting for whatever attention she'll give you. It actually gives you the closest thing to the upper hand you can have. She'll also see less of you, giving her the chance to figure out if she misses you a lot. If she does, she should be the one to bring up that she wants to see more of you. When she does this, you can say (be nice to her, always be very very nice) "that would be difficult for me without the chance to date you... I'm concerned my feelings are to strong." Be kind of wistful. Then give her more space.
You're trying to get her to come to you. It's the only way you have a chance after a confession anyway, but it can be very successful if she likes and depends on you, but has been more or less taking you for granted. It also gives you control over your life, which is always adviseable. One more piece of advice? Flirt with some other girls. But don't overdo it, and never be mean to anyone.
Make sense? Good luck.
2006-11-09 05:02:14 · answer #1 · answered by Singinganddancing 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if i was u i would tell but say to her if she doesnt have any feelings for u not to worry cuz at least u can still be best m8s
see what she says maybe u just need to tell her so ur not worrying about it anymore
at least u will find out how she feels but if she doesnt feel in that way about u then at least u can still stay friends
take care
2006-11-09 12:53:16 · answer #2 · answered by Katie P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i see you really care about her and her feeling BC your putting your feelings last i would do that if i was you think of your feeling first BC you will get hurt but what i would advice is talk to her and if she thinks you guys need to be friend then so bee it then its not meant to be but what i say to all people that date if it meant to be it will be so don't stress out about it but do tell her your feelings
2006-11-09 12:55:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋