What did you do to ease Daycare guilt?

Question

I return to work next Tuesday and my 11-month old baby is at daycare getting used to the place while I've been at home crying for the past 3 hours.

Note:

Please don't judge. My obligation to work is what it is. Financial obligations are a reality. I can assure you I don't love my baby any less because of them.

No Mommy Wars please.

Please don't reinvent my question... if you've made the choice to not use daycare and you've never been through this, please reconsider answering. (I'm in enough distress already thanks I don't need an argument too.)

If you're a SAHM with a soapbox you need not comment. (Don't waste yours and my time. 10 points is not going to one of those answers.)

Thanks.

Answer 1

Perhaps the perspective of someone in a different situation might help... I'm a working mom, but I'm lucky that my husband has able to stay home with both my young girls. It's been great in many ways, but my nearly-four-year-old daughter who is in preschool is very clearly "behind" socially. She still cries a lot when I leave her in the morning, and doesn't really want to play with other kids but just follows the teacher around all day. I think she would be able to handle preschool better if she'd been in daycare, even part-time, when she was younger. So your daughter is gaining something very valuable by being with a professional and with other kids at an early age. Of course you'd like the freedom to make the choice yourself, but your circumstances are not in any way hurting your daughter and are in fact benefitting her.

Being a mom is an important job, but staying with your baby 24/7 is not the only way or even the best way of doing that job. You have other obligations in your life---being able to put food on the table is another important one!---and you do your best to balance it all. You clearly love and care about your child a lot, and that will always come through.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I don't feel any guilt.

I have to work, and I want to, besides.

My kids go to a great in-home daycare. They've attended since they were about 6 weeks old (they're almost three and a half, and 16 months now), and they love it. I've never had any episodes of them crying and calling for me when I drop them off, and they're equally happy to see my or my husband in the afternoon when we pick them up.

Deb does all the things with them that *I* would do if I could be home: art, music, stories, outside time, field trips to cool places, chores, gardening, baking...the works. And the mixed age group means that it's like being part of a big family all day.

They love her. So I love her. And the whole situation works out really well for us.

My advice is this: really watch your child to see how he/she adjusts. If the baby seems happy, daycare is probably a good fit. And there's no need to feel guilt: all the mommy guilt notwithstanding, there are some substantial benefits for kids in daycare. If your baby doesn't get excited about going, or you don't have a good feeling about the place in your gut, find a different place.

There's good daycare out there. You just have to find the one that's right for you and your child.

And be careful that you don't telegraph your anxiety to your child. Lots of kids are excited to go and play with different kids, different toys, have a different experience every day, and they get all confused when we moms make what could be a great adventure into a sad, anxious thing.

Answer 3

I had the same problem. I worked around my husbands schudule to keep from putting her in daycare. Things started going sour I had to just start picking up more hours. It was sooooo tough at first and it eventually got easiernot that i enjoyed dropping her off for someone else to watch.

I will eventually get a little easier the more that you have to drop her off with someone else. It never is easy though. It may be easier next week when you are at work and you are not able to constantly think about what she is doing. I wish you the best of luck with the whole situation and I hope things do get easier for you. My heart goes out to you.

You are not being a bad parent you are being a responsible parent. Good Luck.

Answer 4

You have no reason to feel guilty about going back to work. some women have the time and money to stay home and you don't. Your baby won't hate you and sometimes it's best for them to actually go to daycare especially if he's the only child you have. This way he will learn to have friends, to interact with other children and if you spend quality time with him or her when you come home that's all that matters. You can be home all day and totally ignore your kids. I'm a daycare owner believe me I've seen everything.
Take one day at the time and give him the best of you, and everything will work out.
Just don't raise him or her by giving him everything because you feel guilty that's when you have problems and believe me the kids aren't any happier at the end.
Good luck

Answer 5

Honestly i was joyed when my little one started daycare. She was cared for in home by a sitter for the first 18 months and then she was put into regular daycare. It was nerve wracking... however she got the socialization with kidsher own age, got to paint and play and do story time and adjusted VERY well very quickly. I still worry and get upset every now and then, however i just pick up the phone and call and check on her. Any reputable daycare will not mind a parent checking in by phone or just popping by unannounced.

So go to work, enjoy the adult atmosphere minus the "wiggles" music playing lol. You will BOTH benefit from this. Plus it makes time at home together all that much more enjoyable.

Smile!

Answer 6

Sounds like you are so torn between staying at home with your precious little one and working... I had to go back to work with after having my 1st and 2nd child at six weeks so I didn't really get all the bonding moments....I never really thought too much about it. With my 3rd child I've been at home 12 months now, I couldn't imagine having to put myself through that....I need to get a job but I can't... My daughter is breastfed and will not take a sippy cup. I wouldn't make enough money to cover the cost of after school and day care.... So I continue to be at home thankfully. Going back to work doesn't make you a bad mommy and you shouldn't feel guilty at all... Be proud of yourself for loving your child and caring enough about your child to want to provide everything that you can for your baby.. You baby will love you the same if you see them for an entire day or minus work hours... Just knowing that when they see you with a smile on your face and and open arms and long lasting kisses will make up for that...It will take time for the both of you to adjust, and in time it will get a little easier...you are doing the best thing for your baby and You should get an award for that....If it was possible for me to go to work, I would and my love for my kids wouldn't be changed by that at all. You are struggling with this very much and it is heart-breaking but you are strong enough to overcome this and your baby is too..... You will do fine. If it doesn't work out at the daycare, you might could have someone come into your home and watch your baby....It would be less stress ful, the baby is in a loving enviornment and you are leaving them at the best place possible.... Good luck to you and your baby on this journey...

Answer 7

Well, I have grandparents to watch my son, but I send him to daycare anyway because I want him to be around other children. Social skills are hard to learn and take a lifetime. It's best for kids to start early. That way, preschool and kindergarten won't be so hard for them.

And surprise - he loves it! They play games and sing songs and he gets to play outside. He's learning all kinds of things and playing games. When I see him talking to other kids when I go pick him up, I smile because I know how good it all is for him. He's a shy boy and I need to do this to help him learn to deal with others.

As mothers we don't always enjoy what we must do for our children, like disciplining them or teaching them limits and not letting them have their way. But it's absolutely critical for them to learn to cope with the world, and that's your job as a Mom.

I think you are doing the best thing for him.

What I recommend you do is, call the daycare once or twice during the day just so that you can hear he's all right. Let them know you'll do this, they will understand. Don't worry if it's tough for you and for him at first. For me, only my first day back was hard. After that I felt great. I've heard from other Moms that after a week it got much easier.

*HUGZ* hon, good luck to you.

Answer 8

Hi Sweetie ..don't cry I know what you are going through right now. When I returned back to work my son was only sixteen weeks old, and I cried all the way to work and then while I was at work . That went on for a week straight. It did eventually get better as my son adjusted he did so well and he really liked it which made it easier for me to concentrate on my work. So I can promise you it does get better. The weekends will so much more enjoyable for you.Just know that you are providing for all your baby's needs emotional and financially too and that make you a GREAT MOM!!! Good Luck!!

Answer 9

i understand where you're comming from, i've recently put my girls in daycare for the first time, and it was difficult for me. the best thing you can do is focus on all the benefits your baby will have from being there. your baby will actually be better off in some respects, like learning independance, starting to talk earlier, learning how to interact socially, and it's good for them to be in a learning environment, they may even learn to read faster. my girls just turned 2, and since i put them in daycare, their vocabulary and language comprehension has had significant improvement. now, there's a good chance that your baby will be sick very often from picking up the germs that the other kids are passing around, but in the long run, your baby will have a stronger immune system for it. this is going to be a big transition for both of you, but with time it will be easier, and you'll be glad that you made this decision. good luck!

Answer 10

I understand how you feel. My son attends daycare and the first week was awful. I felt so bad leaving him. I felt like he needed his mommy. What helped was know I had picked out a great daycare. My son started going there when he was 6 weeks and still goes there at age 3. He loves it.