How do I get over my best friend dying, it has been 5 years and I still miss her so much.?

Question

My friend was diagnosed with cancer, they night before she was going to be given a bone marrow transplant and all hope was so high that she would fully recover after two years of cemo she had a fit and pulled out her hickman line, septacima set in and she died hours before the transplant - life just seems so unfair, i think i could havre coped better if we werent told that she would be fine, i cant make close friendships and bottle up my feelings and then bang I weep for days - any advice would be welcome

Answer 1

you need to see a grief counsellor to come to terms with your loss and grief

Answer 2

Ignore people telling you to get professional help! i was seeing a boy when i was 15 and so was he im now 22 he was diagnosed with leaukemia and i was certain the bone marrow transplant he had from his brother would work because he was a real fighter but sadly he passed so i know what it feels like to have high hopes, the best way i dealt with it was to express how i felt thru a diary sounds stupid but i couldnt talk about it either because i just burst into tears. It really helped me over a year or so and i am moving on in life but the pain of someone close to you dying doesnt ever go away just gets easier over time. thats the best advice i can give, you dont know until you try hope that helps. take care.

Answer 3

My cousin who was a very close friend of mine, i was 3 weeks older than her and our kids were same ages and they went to same schools, we had all the same friends, she died 3 yrs 3months ago! She had cancer too, we knew it was terminal 3 months before she died! I found it so hard dealing with it all, and especially seeing her son and my son doing their leaving assembly together, i found it hard to cope with everything like sports days, plays, and just seeing her kids live without her. The have since got a new stepmum and have 2 new babies in the house! i have found it all so hard! in january this year we moved away, and too be honest i think for me it has been part of my healing process, as i don't have to see her kids, even though i miss them dreadfully, i don't have to see our old freinds, i don't go down the shops with the dreadful memories of those months when it all happend! I don't have to go to the dr's and think " if i see the dr that looked after her when she died i will say something! " basically everything and everywhere had a memory, and most people knew we were cousins and close! so moving has helped me!
She also had time to leave me a letter which helped and still does help!
It seems so unfair when you miss someone you love and always had contact with!
I just feel you have to go out and find new friends and live the life for them! Isn't that what she'd want! i think you have to accept there is a big black hole that sometimes you will fall into when other times in your life you manage to walk around the black hole!
have you read water bugs and dragon flies !? by doris stickney, you can download it online somewhere ! it helps!

Answer 4

Dear swimmingfitness,sorry to hear about the loss of your friend and it is unfair that your friend died of cancer...although this is a touchy subject to alot of people in the world nothing can really help besides time..it is extremely unfair that someone close to you has gone but life is cruel anyway as it always has.If you think about it this way would you have liked her to suffer than be somewhere that she isnt in pain.
And you upset that you have a loss which you can't cope with...try and remember the good times and the fun you had together and hopefully you can get it over it pretty soon even though it has been 5 years..when your ready to let go things will get better.it seems to me that you cant get her out of your mind.Unless you cant do this her passing will get to you more,try and focus on the positive and your family around you.
If there is anymore i could say i would.

My heart goes out to you but the only way you can fix this is yourself.you friend would probably want you to be happy not sad.

take care xxx :)

Answer 5

Remember you friend by the the good times you both had together. I am sure she would have done the same. I know death is the end, but not the end of your life.

I lost my mum and dad within 8 year of each other, I miss them both so much I still cry, and wish I was with them. Have a good cry but don't bottle things up, maybe you should go for some counselling, talk it through with some one who knows how you are feeling. Yeah life is unfair it takes too much.

Answer 6

Hun. You sound like you need some counseling. I know it's hard because I had a friend who got shot in the face and passed away. Just remember she is living better than you right now. She is somewhere where there is no pain. Try to go and see someone, maybe you just need to let it all out from having it all bottled up inside. It's not good to bottle stuff inside, it makes thing worse.

My advise is to you, go see a professional and just let it all out, tell her/him everything. After that you should feel some type of closure.

Hope this helps
Good luck.

Answer 7

Ouch. You've understandably built up some thick walls in the last five years and they need to come down. It's time you start letting people in instead of pushing them away and start trusting people again. It isn't easy, but I suspect your best friend would want you to start living life again and having fun. If you need to, go talk to a therapist and get some coping strategies and ideas for how to start breaking down those walls. Finding a good circle of friends and family will help.
I'm not saying it will be easy, but it is worth all the pain and struggles. Start by honoring your friend and doing things that honor who she was. This will give you the strength to live well. Also, don't wallow in grief. Grief spawns more grief and it's disrespectful to wallow in it. Stay busy and embrace life. Open up to friends on the hard days.

Answer 8

Oh you poor love..how awful for you...it made me think how much I love and appreciate my best friend..I don;t know how on earth I would cope if I lost her...but after losing my dad, I know that life has to go on and that crying is sometimes the best release I have...someone told me that crying is good for us when we are grieving because it cleanses our souls, which for me sounds so good, like my crying has a purpose. There is no cure for your heartache I know that...and yeah I get times when I feel that it was so unfair that my dad died, why him etc etc...its all normal...you are still grieving for the friend you loss...maybe a self help group or CRUSE could help.....i wish I could do something to ease you pain...if you want to mail me , please feel free...I am a good listener...my thoughts are with you hunny, try to be strong and look back at all the good times, the joy and the love that this beautiful gift of friendship gave you....take care xxxxx

Answer 9

So sorry to hear about your best friend, yes life does seem unfair,but i am sure she is in a better place, free from pain,and i do no that it is hard, but you need to get on with your life and get out there and life yours to the fullest. You are scared to make close friend because of the feelings that you are going to lose them again, you need friends and especially a close one, that you can talk to and share all these thoughts and feelings that you have...........you don't need to get over your friend dying, you just need to learn to live with it, and these feelings that you have a all normal, and are part of the grieving process, so good luck and god bless, i am sure that things will get better for you, i know as i have been thought it to , i lost my son and my Mum, and a good friend.

Answer 10

that is tragic. I am very sorry. You will always miss your best friend I am sure. that is the proof of the friendship. Have you tried any bereavement counselling? Talking about it to a member of your church or a professional. Talking is the best healer,although it can be painful. You musn't bottle it up. your friend would want you to make more friends too. It wouldn't be betraying her friendship or forgetting her. You need to make more friends. Try talking to your friend even though you can't see her anymore. She is with you and wants you to be happy. You can cry out to her and she can probably help you now. Do try and find someone to talk to about it, as you need to become at peace again and maintain her memory at the same time. Best of luck. Thinking of you.

Answer 11

hi Thomasina, the sentiments you're having are completely commonplace. that is an journey which you will on no account "recover from"! I lost my husband 5 and a nil.5 years in the past and that i nevertheless am devastated with out him. i've got faith like while he left, he took my heart with him. Then my heart aches plenty for him that i are conscious of it continues to be in my chest. undergo in ideas that your loved ones is often there for you. There are additionally help communities that cope with all forms of loss. somebody in the previous reported, and that i agree completely, which you on no account recover from something like this, you merely progressively become greater accepting of the area. no you're able to ever take your extraordinary ideas from you!!! good good fortune and that i will shop you in my ideas.