My five year old is driving me nuts! Help!!?

Question

She doesn't listen, & she fights with her sisters constantly. (if shes not around her two younger sisters will play all day without a fight)She is very loving and very quick to say she is sorry but its almost like she can't control herself.
Time outs don't work, spanking works only temporarily and sending her to bed ..everynight.. only makes my job harder(she needs a bath, ect)Does anyone know any where I can get some help?

Answer 1

We have 3 girls ages 3, 7, and 10. I know where your coming from. Your at the pulling out you hair stage, lol. We use a three strikes rule here. I learned from my older two, at this stage you have to be tough, or they walk all over you. From what you listed above, if she is fighting w/her sister, or is told to get in the bath, or doesn't do what she is asked. I recommend the following

Step 1 - Warning: I will even get eye contact and say this is your warning.

Step 2 - Time out: A short time out 5 -10 min. and nice little talk on what behavior you expect out of her.

Step 3 - Spanking: Don't feel bad about enforcing this punishment, you gave her every opportunity to correct the behavior, she chose not to. Now I don't know how you currently spank her but I would strongly advise that if it's not done correctly the behavior will just continue. I recommend you make her go sit on her bed and think about why she has earned a spanking. Then have a quick talk to ensure she understands why she is being punished. Then take her pants and panties down (very important, you will be amazed how much better your results are by doing this) put her over your lap and spank her bottom at least a good dozen or more times. After she has calmed down go have a little talk about how this type of behavior will not be acceptable anymore and that you love her to much to allow it. Don't forget lots of hugs, and kisses (very important!)

I recommend being very consistent with these steps, and doing them over and over until she gets the point. Like we know kids aren't stupid if they can get away with it, they will.

OH BTW - The fact she apologizes is a great thing, shows she has a good conscience, so don't feel bad, you know your doing something right, lol. It can get trying at times. Just be firm and you will do great!!

Best of luck to you

Answer 2

Well I can tell you my boyfirends 5 yr old is the same way. His daughter was never like this. Sometimes I wonder is there something wrong with him what is going on. He doesn't care (and tells you so) I think it is a attention thing and he dosn't think he needs to listen to anyone becuse he knows nothing's going to happen to him. We're not going to beat him As you said spanking works for a minute but that doesn't phase him. My niece and nephew are scared to death of the Nanny. They see that woman on TV and cry. I think the time out thing works and he will scream and cry but the key is to get past that let him cry it out. Eventually he'll get tired. That's the part my boyfriend can't stand. He gives in to the crying because it drives him nuts. Then his son ends up getting what he wants in the end. I'm afraid it'll carry on in school. Of course I'm just the girlfriend so what I say or do doen't account for too much. It's to the point where it's difficult to leave him with babysitters because he can be so difficult. Not always. I guess I'm looking for advice also. But I do think time outs are a good thing. They have to know whose boss.

Answer 3

Its sad to me that half of these answers revolve around a television show.
First of all...she's 5. She is still impulsive, and still trying to find her place in the family. I feel that it is important for kids to get the positive rewards and attention that they need while behaving in a good way. We've all heard that negative attention is better than no attention. Maybe she's jealous of her younger sisters because she's sees you do more for them, not realizing that you did all that for her when she was that age. Try taking one night a week, and having someone sit with the younger two, and let her plan your time together. If she wants to go to the park, take her.
Or, you could make a star/sticker chart. For everyday that she chooses to control her behavior, she gets a sticker. After so many stickers, she gets one on one time without the other siblings. Even if you don't have anyone to look after your other two, you could still read her a book after they go to bed.

Answer 4

Though it will be difficult with 2 other children in the house, do try to find a way to spend "alone time" with her, just the 2 of you.

If that's impossible, take 15 minutes out of your day to really play with your daughters. [Yeah, I know it sounds boring and the laundry often seems a whole lot more important.] It will lighten everyone's mood and make everything go a little bit smoother.

Another remedy is to take her completely by surprise by doing something completely nonsensical, silly, funny. I used to run around the house with my arms spread out, exclaiming "I can fly, I can fly!" and imagining I was Peter Pan flying over a city.

Hang in there. I hear it gets better.

Answer 5

On the discipline part I would tell her this "what ever her name is ... I will not put up with this any more mommy is tierd and cranky, she needs some down time and so don't you now lets go up stairs and we can play one of you favorite board games or you tell me a story whatever you want to do that is some what quiet if you don't wanna do that then you can cry, fuss and sit in your room for the rest of the day. Oh when i say you I mean your daughter and when I say I i am referring to you. and about the "I'm sorry I'm sorry part tell her that sometimes sorry doesn't cut it.
Hope this helps a bunch
~Haley

Answer 6

Nanny 911 or SuperNanny TV shows - your daughter is ruling your house and your lives. She has the control and she's using it to her full advantage. You have to take back control of the household and her. If she's five, you can talk to her. And, yes, the "naughty chair" works, but only if you're willing to MAKE it work - you may have to force her (i.e. hold her) to sit in it. Also, exclude her from your "fun" with the other girls until she can act in an acceptable manner. Play a game with them but don't allow her to play until she plays nicely. When she does, praise her to no end! Giving her "negative attention" (which is what you do when you spend all your time with her trying to correct her - you're ignoring the other children and concentrating only on her) is what she wants. Don't give it to her. Ignore bad behavior (unless, of course, it's destructive) and only praise her or give her attention when she does something RIGHT.

Answer 7

I have the same problem. My 4 year old daughter doesn't listen to me at all. She fights with her 2 year old sister constantly. I've tried spanking and time out and nothing seems to work. She is very head strong and thinks she can do whatever she wants. When you find something that works please let me know.

Answer 8

Sounds alot like some teenagers i understand... which is composed of mine in some cases... at the start permit me permit you already know this.... yelling gets you no the place till it particularly is employer, forcefull and you mean WHAT you're saying & SAY WHAT YOU mean.. In different words in case you tell him No you are able to no longer touch that or i'll spank you ( holiday, nook and so on... in spite of punishment you will do)... Then if (and he will) he touches it then save on with via with what you reported.... and be Persistant!!!! once you provide him a holiday... placed him in a community with out television, people, radio, or everywhere he could have any type of relaxing in any respect.. and make him stay for 5 minutes, then clarify to him that if he retains up with being undesirable you will upload one minute for each outburst... it particularly is extremely perplexing to handle i understand.. have confidence me! good success!

Answer 9

Yes - try some of the methods used by SuperNanny and on Nanny911. They actually work not just on TV but with our 4 kids (ranging from age 6 to age 20)! Spanking is just giving her "negative attention" (she's looking for attention of some sort).

The trick is that you have to stick to it AND do it in a loving way.

Also important - Even when our kids drive us nuts and we want nothing to do with them for a period of time - we HAVE to stay emotionally connected with them or what happens is - if we "reject" them - they will use that rejection to justify their bad behavior (especially in teen years.) I can say this because the 20-year old son acknowledges this to be true and we see it in our teenager now. Her behavior improves when we are strict but loving and stay connected to her.

Also - I know it can be very hard to do this at times - but try to have one night or one significant block of time dedicated to JUST one of your girls where you give her your undivided attention. Good luck!

Answer 10

Stick to your guns. It is a phase that she will out grow. Eventually, she will get tired of lying in bed or staying in her room while her siblings are playing. If after a few weeks there is still no change, perhaps she should talk to a professional.