We have been together for one year, he says he loves me and wants to marry me one day. However, last night we got into an argument about our pasts. I did some things I am not proud of before we started going out and he knows about them. Even though, he did much much worse. His past doesn't bother me, I let it all go, but last night he brought everything up and said he has doubts about our future. I tried to tell him he needs to let things go and that it's not fair to say these things when he has done much worse in his past, including being a male stripper & sleeping with over 100 women, when I can still count the men I have slept with on my fingers and didn't lose my virginity til I was 19 (now 21). He said he was just venting and that he loves me. But why would he bring it up and hurt me then? I love him very much and want to spend my life with him. So my question is, HOW CAN I MAKE HIM FORGET ABOUT THE STUPID PAST, AND FOCUS ON THE PRESENT AND FUTURE?? ...10 pionts to best advice!!
2006-11-09 02:05:09 · 13 answers · asked by . . * h o n e y * . . 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You can't and if you marry him it'll only get worse. This is just one of life's hard lessons: Never tell a man everything, especially things you did before you met. Move on and learn from this mistake.
2006-11-09 02:08:03 · answer #1 · answered by mstrywmn 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You can't make him into the person you want him to be. Just because he feels the need to vent does not justify him hurting you in this manner. Be the bigger person, tell him you will not listen to him when he brings up your past and leave the room or the house until he cools down and is able to discuss the real issue (whatever the original argument was about) like a mature, person who says he loves you. Also, when he brings up the past try and not let it hurt you, knowing that he is only saying it to get the upper hand in the argument. Good luck!
2006-11-09 02:10:51 · answer #2 · answered by tmp326 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well... obviously your boyfriend has issues. If a person has to sleep with that many people.. then there must be something wrong or he is looking for a mom kind of thing. Not like I know.. but maybe he has had a bad childhood and now he is sitting there dwelling on your past which isn't really a lot of years haha. But, from what it seems he could be insecure... Maybe.. you picked the wrong guy. I am in a somewhat like situation. the guy is very insecure with my past. but, of course they have it worse. Talk to him... and if he brings up your past more than once.. he will prolly bring it up always. it's funny how men can sleep with tons of women and it's cool.. a high five.. but when women barely sleep with a few men they are whores... ?? Keep your head up! If he don't stop bringing it up and hurting you... walk away!
2006-11-09 02:18:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'll say this, I have been in his position. My boyfriend and I got into a fight and I brought up something in his past that he had told me, and ended up making him cry.
The point here is that people say stupid things when they are angry, it doesn't mean that he was out to hurt you it simply means that something you/someone else has done has irritated him and whatever started the argument made it worse and he snapped.
However, if this happens on a frequent occasion then this may not be the case, if he is frequently hurting you then he is abusing you (emotionally) and you need to think if he is the person you thought he was and if you really want to be with him.
2006-11-09 02:16:48 · answer #4 · answered by Miss Lizzie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
aigght i can help u out
when i was with my x
we were dating not official bf/gf yet but we were close of becoming
so one day she went out on a date with this guy she and her friends met at a trip. they all were telling me they are just friend which i wasnt fallin it and even it was true it didnt look right
eventhough i took her back but in the back of my head i didnt forget from time to time it will bother me and it cause me to be angry at her cuz i did everything for this girl and to go on a date was like a slap on my face, honesty i couldnt get over it cuz if she did it then when i was at my peak with her imagine when i slack off
so it bother me and it was insecurity issue which ur bf is going thru right now
my x said to me the same thing to forget about the past
those words will keep ur scare in a person u need to comfort him and ask him whats really wrong cuz honesty u dont know why its still bothers him after all this time.
just talk to him and reassure him that everything will be ok and that u r his
thats all good luck
2006-11-09 02:13:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would sit down and talk calmly face to face with him. Communication is very important in a relationship. Ask him why he brought all that up. Is he mad about something else you've done that made him want to hurt you? If so tell him that's no way to communicate. He should tell you right when something happens how he feels. That it hurts him and he doesn't want you to do it again (just for example) If he can't open up and communicate about his feelings blowing up and trying to hurt you is inevitable. Tell him that's not how you want to live your life. Communication is very important, we can't read minds, so how else can we fix something the other person feels is wrong or hurtful. Good luck and God bless!
2006-11-09 02:11:10 · answer #6 · answered by lilmama 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
BEWARE Darling, his character is showing through. He has let you know in the back of his mind he has doubts about you and your future. And since he resorts to recalling the past when it suits him, this means he is trying to dredge it up in order to bring you down a notch or two to win your arguements. How low can you go? Anyone who will throw up your past to your face in the salad days of your relationship, will do much worse IF you were to marry. That means it is unresolved to them and will be to you if you allow this behaviour to continue. You cannot make him focus, he prefers to drag the pig back into the pit. Do yourself a favor, this has failure written all over it!
2006-11-09 02:11:03 · answer #7 · answered by Tippy's Mom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep your past to yourself, at least the details. It has been my experience that men never forget about these things whether you were together when the action occured or not.
If your boyfriend continues to focus on the past, you should end the relationship now. It will continue to cause problems.
Take it from me, I know.
2006-11-09 02:09:54 · answer #8 · answered by Lawana C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It appears that he is very insecure about his past and is telling you about everything...true or not...so that if you find out something in the future you won't be surprised...like a positive HIV screening
2006-11-09 02:09:00 · answer #9 · answered by IGH3Rat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is going to ruin your relationship if you dont let him stop now. you barely have time to talk about each other, why bother talking about the past? especially if its going to hurt you.
i think you guys need to do more stuff outside like bowling or tennis. believe me. its gonna ruin your relationship. look, you already wrote it up here in yahoo answers.
2006-11-09 02:08:43 · answer #10 · answered by happybeanstalk 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋