My boyfriend is suicidal, please respond, I need to know what to do!?

Question

Ok I will do my best to keep this short and sweet. My BF is in his 30s just went through divorce and he's loosing his house and his company is going under as well. He doesn't care about anything anymore, He says I am the only thing that makes him happy, but we fought last week and he went out and started doing Ecstacy. I asked him why he can't just start climbing up and trying to recover from his world unraveling and I said going out and doing drugs is just delaying the inevidable. He use to be so ambitious but he just is loosing his will, he is VERY suicidal and I wish I could just step out till he hit rock bottom but I am terrified that would mean I was going to his funeral. How can I be there for him without destroying my emotions. It's killing me to do this. It's said "can't help someone who won't help themself". I keep telling him show me your friends I'll show you your future, they all do drugs and are bad news, outta control, but I just don't think I compare to them, Help!

Answer 1

He needs professional help. Please call the suicide prevention hotline in your area ASAP!

Answer 2

This sounds serious!

I use drugs recreationally from time to time. I have only done E once. But Drugs can be especially destructional if taken for the wrong reason, like avoid problems or emotions. They can amplify the chemical imbalances of the brain.

First, I would say professional help is need. I personally hate SHRINKS, and never thought I'd recommend anyone see one, but I think here it applies. Temporary drug treaments should be a consideration, and long term ones may eventually be needed. But be careful Pysch Drugs are a slippery slope.

Second. Bring out the LOVE. Family, Friends, Parents, Children, and especially pets. Who knows a new dog might save his life?
He need support more now than ever.

Third. Find some good books, music, and movies, to cheer him up and help him deal with his problems. Sometime we are to much the subjects of our environments, and although it seems superficial, redecorating a tad, or taking a vacation can be very helpful.

Also. Talk. Talk. Talk. That is the best way to deal with emotions. Sometimes all we need to do is let it out. Sometime, guys especially like to do this physically. It might not be a great idea, but the equivalent of shooting cans, bottles, and old cars, really helps guys vent. Maybe even throw rocks and bottles. He needs to realease pent up emotion in a positive way

Finally, if worse comes to worse, call the police. It may be your last chance. Don't over exaggerate, don't under exaggerate. But if you believe those critical final moments are near, they may be able to start a chain of events that will eventually save his life and make it better. After the police intervene, he would probably be taken to a hospital and put under careful watch. This will really piss him off, but it might be the only way.

The Bottom line however is if someone is 100% convinced that he needs to end his own life, if his life has become more unbearable, in his mind, than the Holocaust, than he will and almost nothing in the long run will stop him. I live in SF, over 500+ people have jumped off the Goldren Gate Bridge.

I should also mention that it is a strong philisophical arguement if someone does have the right to euthanasia, but that is more for terminal medical patients than people in a life crisis.

Life crisis don't last forever.

More than anything else, History and Human Experience tell us that when we have nothing else, we need to turn to God. He is there, quiet and listening, and they say he works in mysterious ways. Ask for his help too. (I don't believe in him, myself, but he bailed out George W. from his alcoholism and addiction to coke, and last I checked he was still clean and president-I don't believe in him either thought).

Answer 3

You need to get him to see a doctor for his emotional problems. However, this doesn't seem like something that just happen. It seems as if he has had problems building up for a while. Why is he losing his company and house? Also why did he get divorced? Do he have these problems because he was doing drugs, hanging out with a bad crowd and cheating on his wife. In other words which came first the drug problem or losing his company.
P.S: Which ever came first he should see a doctor, he may not be able to deal with it on his own any more.

Answer 4

If he is saying he wants to die you can call the police and they will have him locked up for a mental hygiene review. usually 48 or 72 hours where mental health professionals can evaluate him in a safe environment while he is drug free.

Other than that you can continue to give him support, but if he doesn't want it, sadly all you can do is sit back and watch him disintegrate or you can move on. This is a very hard subject because he is capable of doing anything, and you are powerless to help. I have been through this myself and the outcome was not the one I had worked so hard for. Hang in there and seek help for yourself. find a group to talk with or call a suicide prevention hot-line and tell them what you are going through. Maybe they can give you some solid advice on some proven methods.

People with drug or alcohol problems can not be made to stop, they have to hit bottom (and everyone has a different bottom) and they have to want to change, you can't make them.... Talk to AA, NA or some other professional...

Answer 5

Im not a psychologist or a counselor or a GP so can only offer you my personal advice.

I have found in situations like this it is best not to push an isue or over criticise. It is like with a teenager, you tell them not to do somthing they will do it 10 times worse. When people get into this state of mind confrontation can be like hitting a self destruct button. As is often said people need to hit absolute rock-bottom before they can start back up again. It may be that that is what your BF is doing at the moment, he has found himself in a situation where to his perception he has nothing to loose anymore so all he can do is let loose and crash and burn. From your point of view the best thing you can do is make sure he knows you are there to ffer love and support, and that there is things there for him. Make him aware that there are counselors, support group, psychiatrists freinds (real freinds) around who are only to willing to help. Dont push him just let him know. At the end of the day these are his demons and he is a grown man so it is up to him to make the decisions. I know it is very difficult just to stand by and aparantly do nothing, but that is often what is best for your own and their mental health.

Answer 6

1. Be supportive and let him know how much you love him.
2. Let him know how this is affecting you. Tell him how scared you are. Tell him that it's killing you to see him this way. Share with him, and hopefully he will share back. Don't expect it though. He may not want to burden you. Then the burden would need to fall to a professional.
3. Does he have a plan? If he does, then it is time to seek professional assistance. When a suicidal person has an actual laid-out plan for killing themselves, you need to call in the Calvary. The first place to start could possibly be a suicide hot line. They would be able to tell you who to contact for help.
4. Remove temptation. In other words, look for and remove any weapons from the home. That means guns, knives (including kitchen knives), razors, ropes, etc.

Answer 7

sounds corny I know but he needs counselings right now in a bad way. Does he know how much you care and he is on the road to ruining that now too...just be blunt and to the point maybe try stop feeling sorry for him and give him some tuff love. Drugs are not going to solve his problem just make them 10 time as bad specially when he wakes up and stops the drug there will be a withdrawl which is tough anough to go through without everything else in his life on top of that.....He needs to wake up and help himself right now....hope you dont get dragged down with him, keep your head up

Answer 8

First things first: If he is threatening suicide right this moment you need to call 911.

If there are drugs in the house with him there is an easy solution that will get him help ASAP. Call the police and tip them off. Let them know that you are concerned that he is suicidal and you know he is doing drugs. They will truck him off to jail and the judge will ORDER help for him. But that is pretty extreme....only do that if you HAVE to. I would get the drugs out of there though...chuck them in the toilet.

Otherwise, I suggest you get ahold of his parents or someone who might be able to make medical decisions for him. It sounds like he is in no shape to deal with this alone. If you don't have the number grab his phone while he's in the shower or otherwise busy. I know it sounds sneaky, but he needs your help.

Finally, bust out the phone book and look for the suicide hotline in your area. Tell them what you told us and then ask for advice.

You can do this!

Answer 9

You hit the nail on the head by saying you can't help someone who doesn't help themselves.
At some point you will have to ask yourself how much of YOU are willing to lose to try to save him. You have to think about yourself. It sounds like you are doing all you can for a person you love.
Does he have family or close (clean friends) around that you could stage an intervention? Call NA and get some information from them on how to do this.
Good luck to you and God Bless.

Answer 10

Sorry to hear this.......Call an intervention line to get some professional advise. Look in the yellow/white pages in your phone book. You can not control his future or his destiny. He's a grown man and he has to want a better life. Talk to him again after you have made that call for intervention, and let him know that you love him but you will not be apart of watching him destroy himself or you in the process.

Answer 11

Depression is a scary thing. He needs help; get him to a consular. Or if he won't go, call his family doctor and talk to him then try to get him in for a visit. Perhaps he can prescribe some meds for him in the short term. But you are right, you alone can not pull him out of this.