I met this guy, and now we are sharing a place together, he said he is in love with me but he doesn't want a commitment yet cause he feels he can't be faithful at this time. But he is home with me everynight and we sleep in the same bed. Tells me all the time he loves me and when we talk about the kids they are ours not his or mine. Does he really love me and is just afraid and in his mind taking it slow but we are really together. I just don't understand. Should I date?
2006-11-09 01:10:14 · 15 answers · asked by loveit39 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Darling, he is leaving the door wide open to have sex with others. He is making sure he has told you that he isn't ready for a commitment, and even if you are there every night for month of sundays, he can still go have someone else, as you aren't it YET! I would suggest making yourself play the field too, until he is ready. Now I know you say you only want to be with him, notice I didn't say go sleep with someone else, but go play. Whether you go out with your girlfriends or by yourself, do take that time to not be available to him just cause he doesn't have another date. The way to get commitment, is to make him want it from you and be willing to give it to you in exchange. He has no reason to do that, as you are COMPLETELY AVAILABLE TO HIM 24/7. He doesn't have to commit, as you are commited to him already. See? When a man wants a woman to be exclusively his, he usually has to give his up in the exchange. He didn't have to do that, cause you gave it to him as you really love him. He may talk talk talk of kids, of your kids, our kids whoseever kids. Doesn't matter, because it means nothing if he isn't in an exclusive, monogamous relationship with you with no doors left open for anything else. He has been honest he has left the door open for something better to walk through, I would suggest you keep your door open to that also. I had a bf who as we got closer, said he wasn't ready for a commitment just yet, I said no problem, I said no problem, I wasn't ready either and then said nothing. He looked at me funny, and asked "oh are you seeing someone else?" I said "well, I don't want to get into that too much, but I didn't think we were exclusive". I didn't get ugly, I didn't lie, I just made myself very scarce intermittently, with no explanations of other than I had something else planned. He got "commitment minded" shortly afterwards and was ready to take it to the next level. Why? Because he didn't want my door open to any other possibles, like his was. A dog knows his own poop. So with that little piece of info, I think you can see why it is unwise to let a man think he has you, when you don't have him. Get it? Got it? Good! Good luck to you!
2006-11-09 01:28:10 · answer #1 · answered by Tippy's Mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What? I'm confused...you basically what you are saying is that you guys are friends with benefits...you're not officially "dating", but you are living together, sharing a bed and talking about the future...it sounds to me as if you are being hoodwinked girl. You know the old addage...why buy the milk, when you're getting the cow for free? You have got to stand some ground here...he is holding you there by saying he "loves you" and sleeping with you everynight and sharing a living space, but if he is not willing to make a commitment to you...what are you doing there? If he really LOVED you, then he wouldn't have a problem being WITH you and ONLY YOU...
If you want to wait it out and see where this leads you, then that is your decision to make, but take a good look at the situation and ask yourself if this is fair to you...are you letting someone else pass you by, because you're foolishly waiting for him to come around. Talk to him, and tell him, you won't wait forever...if he can't see what he already has, than he may not be the one for you.
2006-11-09 09:17:30 · answer #2 · answered by laydehoo05 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It means that he wants to play the field for a while. He doesn't know what he really wants in a woman yet so he wants to date a few before he settles down, and he wants to make sure he picks the right woman for him.
And, what were you thinking moving in together and this man is not ready to commit to you. He probably already fills that since you guys are living in sin, why should he have just you. You have already proved to him that he can get the milk for free.....
2006-11-09 09:18:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think what he means by that is that he does love you but he doesnt know if having a relationship with you will screw that up.
[if that makes sense at all. (which men usually dont...)]
It could also possiby be that he wants to date around but at the same time, he doesnt want you to date anyone else.
If i were you, I would talk to him about it. Tell him what you think and how you feel about things. If he really loves you, then he will listen and undertstand where you are coming from.
Good Luck to you!!!
:]
2006-11-09 09:16:53 · answer #4 · answered by sweet.heart_xoxo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have a pretty good home life going on. It looks like you just want that ring and a new last name. That can really make a mess out of a good relationship. I know that for sure. I have been there more times than I want to count. So when it comes to I Doe's I DON'T!!!!!!
2006-11-09 09:25:26 · answer #5 · answered by ranchforman57 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
commitment is one of the hardest situations to keep solid besides marriage. Maybe he's afraid that you or him might damage that relationship. If the relationship is fine the way it is, so be it. But if one or both of you are insecure, controlling, untrustworthy,etc., then taking it to the next level is not the best idea. Just give him time
2006-11-09 09:21:08 · answer #6 · answered by hardworkur84 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why should he commit to anything, hes getting everything he wants from you without the worry!
This comes from the live with life style and is common, as the old generation said it so elegantly: why buy a cow when you're already getting all the milk you want for FREE!
Learn from this and don't ever move in with someone if you want them to marry you, marriage come before the move!!!!!!!!!!
2006-11-09 09:19:59 · answer #7 · answered by Barbie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether or not he wants to admit it, he IS in a committed relationship with you...just because there is no piece of paper that says so, he is. He got into a committed relationship with you when you two moved in together. So I guess in his mind, if he should cheat on you, his line of defense can be "we're not committed"... I guess you can ask him "since we are not in a committed relationship, then it would be alright for me to see other people?"
2006-11-09 09:16:53 · answer #8 · answered by angeleyes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's already given you a commitment by moving in together, not sure if you are wanting more at this point or what, but whatever it is, SLOW DOWN!!!
2006-11-09 09:18:16 · answer #9 · answered by topcat 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he wants his cake and wants to eat it too.....meaning he does care about you, but he's not willing to give up the possiblitiy of someone else coming along. Sounds like he's holding onto you unless something better comes along. Just be careful
2006-11-09 09:13:29 · answer #10 · answered by curious cat 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋