Just split up with my boyfriend of 9 months, promised myself after last 9 year relationship i wouldn't get involved again and promptly fell in love derrrr! I knew deep down that he didnt want the relationship to be serious as he has commitment issues so I ended it Tuesday, why cant i ever find a man who isnt afraid of love!? sorry rant over. :(
2006-11-09 01:08:33 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
and award for most sensitive and kind answer goes to PokeYourHontas L
2006-11-09 01:19:19 · update #1
I know im generalising im just upset that's all so i'm sounding off.
2006-11-09 01:35:25 · update #2
Honey:
Giving yourself to someone is a risk - and giving your heart is always dangerous.
We're not afraid of love... we're afraid of making a costly mistake. Men are not easily able to "get over" a relationship. We'll pine away for lost loves for years. Women tend to be able to "just move on" and enter another relationship.
Ya gotta remember... our d**** are firmly attached to our hearts, and it really difficult to have a physical relationship without forming a bond. :)
That being said, men tend to take awhile to form a commitment because there are so many vairable in a relationship. You can be great in bed, but lousy on the relationship side - or visa-versa. You may be too needy and the guy decides he can't live up to your needs. You may not be able to share his interests, and so he decides you will grow apart in time. Or, you may just have too much baggage for him to want a long term relationship.
So - you may just be picking the work guys. Generally, women tend to look for what they want; not what they need and fall in lust - not love.
In the most caring way, I suggest you sit down and have an honest conversation with youself and decide what you need in a man. A relationship that survives is made up of 10% of physical and 90% of fit.
Sorry you've had such a hard time.
Tim
2006-11-09 03:23:07 · answer #1 · answered by Tim B 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You'll never find one with an attitude that you want instant commitment.
We're not like packet soup, y'know, add water and you've got what you wanted, it doesn't work like that.
Men, as do most women want to take time to make sure this is the right person to be commited to, you complain about being hurt by doing the very thing your talking about, making a commitment too soon.
Go into a relationship with a view to having fun, making love, spending time with someone special and if it ends then look back at what it was rather than what it wasn't.
By making commitment priority number one, your going to scare off just about every bloke before they've even got to know you.
2006-11-09 01:15:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Not everyone is afraid of commitment, but alot of people are. With today's society teaching everyone to be afraid of love, this is how it ends up. It wouldn't be so hard if it weren't for all the media showing off celebrities and their extremely short marriages. And maybe he wasn't afraid of love, if you still liked him why'd you end it Tuesday? Maybe it could have been more. But anyways, love hurts so much because the mainstream media has taught us all to hate it, and not all men are commitment phobes.
2006-11-09 01:13:37 · answer #3 · answered by Sam-Wise 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok girl u knew he had commiment problems and u went with him any way. The fact that u stayed for nine month made him think that it was ok with you, he felt confortable you wanting more became confusing and he is not going to change his mind now. Men need that zone of comfort and it is very unlikly for change to happen when it come to relationship,women want a man to be their first and last whilst men want u to be one of many. Am really sori but hope u find the right guy he is out there take care.
2006-11-09 01:17:14 · answer #4 · answered by bintaj01 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No matter what guy you meet, you gotta get to know them, you should have made it clear from the beginning that you wanted your relationship with him to go somewhere and maybe you would have found out he had commitment issues, but most guys are scared of committing because they wont be able to go out wit no other girl! Dont worry too much, just hope that Mr.Right comes along one day, jus take the backseat fuh a while, you'll be ayt girl.
2006-11-09 01:20:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Fear of commitment is not a condition relegated to the male species. How do I know? I am a recovering commitment-phobe. The difference between me and Mr. Wonderful is I am aware of my condition and see it as a deterrent to happiness.
Here's the deal: Mr. Wonderful probably gave you every opportunity in the world to bail. There were red flags everywhere. But for whatever reason, you chose to ignore them. Your self-worth is not determined by your ability to "fix" a man.
This is your time to reflect and learn from this experience so that you are available to accept the love of man who is able to love you back. I suspect the next great love of your life is in your life. You just don't see him.
2006-11-09 01:19:45 · answer #6 · answered by mediahoney 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dont feel bad that you fell in love again, because wouldn't rather have had that time with him then never at all, as im sure you had great times together. Men are complicated things, well i think they are but it will make you stronger and hopefully you will have some time to yourself now or go out with friends and will find love again when you least expect it.
2006-11-09 04:10:04 · answer #7 · answered by I~Love~Baileys 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
already in love and fully committed! ;) well, i used to be afraid with commitment, not the love but the commitment....... there's so many things i need to give up when in a relationship.... somehow i wonder if there's only love without commitment at all~~~ but well, i meet this guy and he made that commitment as light as a feather. i didn't even feel it like a commitment at all, it comes naturally and without force so yeah i guess i managed to throw away the commitment phobic of mine. i'm a scorpio sun/rising/venus, libra moon, gemini mars and sagittarius mercury
2016-05-22 00:08:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not all guys are commitment phobes,and one day you will find that someone that will want to commit to you-that someone where being together feels like home. Just be patient,and in the meantime enjoy your life and build up your self confidence.
2006-11-09 01:30:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are needy, they don't want to commit. Get involved with other things until you hardly have time to think about men. A good man will come to a self assured woman that is not needy.
2006-11-09 01:12:49 · answer #10 · answered by rrclaeson 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋