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i find it hard to ask women out on dates cos of my kids,,ive been asked out loads but when they find out im single parent they run,,is it a huge problem for all women

2006-11-09 00:53:23 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Singles & Dating

28 answers

Not all women. Yes some women run for different reasons (they dont like kids, dont want kids, rather not compete with kids for your attention, etc) which is their perogative.

You will find many women out there that like, if not love kids and dating a single parent doesnt bother them in the least. Its just going to take some time.

Personally, I dont rule out dating someone with kids as long as the kids mother isnt a psycho. Hard to find a single parent that you'd want to date where the ex isnt always meddeling or causing problems, in areas that have nothing to do with the kids.

2006-11-09 01:00:39 · answer #1 · answered by Lil Jello 3 · 1 0

Not all of us have that problem, but like men to single moms, it's a little scary to become an instant parent.
And knowing that the child usually starts out resenting you for trying to take mom/dad's place is really scary. They're too young to understand that the person is only replacing mom or dad in the adults life and not their own. Plus, they always have hopes of mom and dad getting back together, and if some one else is involved, then that can't happen.
I used to date a man that had three kids and joint custody. While the thought of an instant family was scary, it wasn't them that drove me away.
His kids let it be known within the first heartbeat of meeting me that I wasn't their mother and never would be. I just smiled and told them good, that I didn't want to replace her in their lives anyway. I have to admit, the more I was around them, the more they came to understand that I didn't want to be their 'mom' in the same sense that their mom was. But I'd settle for being me and they could call me by name and didn't have to call me 'mom' or 'mother' or anything other than my name... which they did and we were all fine with it.
But, yeah. Becoming an instant parent is scary and there's a lot more responsibility than what people realize. You and I don't think much of it, I was a single parent when I met and married the hubby. But for the people we bring into our lives and the lives of our kids, it's a scary thing.
I never denied having a child while I was dating. It was always one of the first things I spoke of, this way, if they didn't want to get involved, it was done and over with before any feelings got hurt, and there was no chance of them not knowing what was going on.
Keep looking, dear, she's out there somewhere and you're bound to find her. Don't be afraid to ask women out on dates, it's like you stop looking and if you don't look, you won't find her.
You could try something along the lines of Parents Without Partners, it's a group of single parents that get together once in awhile and visit and chat, you might find some one of interest there. I've not been to a meeting, but know several that have, men as well as women, and they chat about average ordinary things in life along with the talk of kids.
Good Luck to you and don't give up!

2006-11-09 09:21:06 · answer #2 · answered by Lucianna 6 · 0 0

Well, my fiance has four other children aside form our daughter from previous marriage. I must say I don't run from men with children but he has a daughter with his ex-wife and I must say I would much rather deal with boys and children that are three and under or eleven years old and up. I catch h*e*l*l dealing with his daughter she is very arrogant and a plain nuisance. Her father tries to ignore it and correct her but she's just plain unruly and girls are very different they go through a LOT of changes MOOD SWINGS and even the sweetest innocent ones have devious ways about them. And one must think is it really worth going through all of these changes that otherwise wouldn't be an issue if your all weren't together. The strain on my relationship is that their mother doesn't support them financially so he's always strapped for cash nor does she see them so we never go out or get a break!!! So, to answer your question yes there are woman however they are rare because like myself sometimes most women feel it's a ready made family and that it's hard to focus on their relationship when there are distractions and a lot of sacrifice so that the children are the main focus, Good Luck!

2006-11-09 09:11:19 · answer #3 · answered by souljagirpart2 3 · 0 0

Not at all. Lots of men who are available for a relationship have children, if a woman refuses to consider any of them, she's missing out on a lot of potential. I'd only be put off by a man who kept his kids a secret from me, or one who had kids and wasn't interested in them.

A man who has kids that live with him, or who he has a regular commitment to see, will take more hard work and commitment from a woman to make a relationship work; but that won't put off the right women!

Next time this happens, ask the woman why it's a problem. Hopefully, she'll tell you her fears honestly and you can reassure her and work through them.

When you are in a relationship, you're going to have to work hard to ensure your kids aren't jealous of your partner, or vice versa. Good luck!

2006-11-09 09:55:51 · answer #4 · answered by Rebecca M 2 · 0 0

hi, i guess it depends on the woman herself, personally i think its great you are a hands on dad, i know it is a hard thankless job at times, i can't really see what the problem is unless your kids are rude to the women who come to your house, as you get older you collect more baggage and unfortuneatly not all relationships last and we do get single parents, but this should not be a problem if they want to date you then they should realise that your kids come as part of the package, you may be mixing in the wrong circles what about a singles club there are bound to be other single parents there and maybe they won't find it as off putting, i guess you have to widen your social circle so there is more of a chance of meeting a woman who isn't intimidated by your kids, good luck hope you find a nice woman who will treat you and your kids well.

2006-11-09 09:11:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

No it isn't but I guess some have a problem with it. I am a single mom of 2 and I find the samething is ture for me. As soon as they find I have a 7 year old who is my world they stop talking so what you need to do is find someone that has kids to and loves kids. Most woman feel that if a guy has kids that they will have the woman watch them all the time cause in most of their minds that is the what woman do so I guess they get scared.

2006-11-09 09:03:15 · answer #6 · answered by loveit39 1 · 1 0

I married a divorced men with two kids and I can say it was hard. His ex wife could manage to be a mother and a woman but my husband could be nothing but a father. the kids at home would mean no sex life, and no opportunity at all for me to getting close to him. the kids not at home would mean i could not even get some food done nor go out for eating cause we had to 'wait for the kids'. I tell you, it can destroy a relationship.
Anyway not all parents are the same. The smart ones, like my ex husband first wife, can manage to do both things well.
If you are NEVER willing to forget about your children for 2 seconds in order to have a romantic dinner or cinema, or anything, then it may be hard for you. And even harder when they grow older, like my ex's kids who are almost 18 and already making plans for living home, and he knows he will be left alone cause he could not build a relationship.
Remember a relationship is sharing, so you have to have something left to share with the other person. If you do, then you will find a woman for you, that is for sure.

2006-11-09 09:06:27 · answer #7 · answered by Graça 3 · 1 0

I am a single parent of an eight year old boy, and i find the same problem. As soon as they know your a parent they back off. I don't think it is just woman that have a problem. Its a very serious commitment to take on someone with kids.

2006-11-09 08:57:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Not all women, however, it is a reality that some women choose not to date a man with children. As many men will not date a women with small children. You will just have to find someone who is willing to put forth the effort to date you and include your children. This is a challenge with anyone who is dating someone with children. There is always the idea that there will be baby momma drama. Good luck and God bless

2006-11-09 08:57:36 · answer #9 · answered by ? 7 · 0 0

it works both ways.... i have asked a similar question from my perspective before...

i am a full time working single mother of 3 kids (a puppy, 2 goldfish and several hundred sea monkeys - little shrimp like things before u ask lol) and i find it hard getting men to accept a woman with kids .. they want me but without the ties.... no can do tho... its the whole package or nothing..

good luck and i hope u find ur dream lady soon xx

2006-11-09 09:05:46 · answer #10 · answered by Cubangirl 3 · 0 0

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