2006-11-09 00:20:18 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy.
"Are you the landlord?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no" he replies.
"Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"Im afraid I cant" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"Tell him that there is no loo paper in the ladies."
2006-11-09 02:02:52 · answer #1 · answered by Electric 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So, this guy with a back pack walks into a piano bar. He sits down and the bartender asks him what he wants.
man: "Well, if I show you the most amazing thing ever, would you give me a free beer?"
bartender: "I don't know. I've seen a lot of amazing things in my lifetime, but go ahead. Let's see what you got."
So, the man pulls a twelve inch little person out of his back pack and sits him on the bar.
bartender: "oh wow, that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen."
and he proceeds to hand the man a free beer.
the man finishes his beer and asks the bartender, "hey, if I show you something even MORE amazing, will you give me another free beer?"
bartender: "something more amazing than this little person?? okay, deal."
the man snaps his fingers and the little person runs over to the piano in the corner and starts playing some Beethoven.
bartender: "Holy crap, that is amazing. here's another beer."
So, once the man was finished with his beer, he began to place the little person in his back pack. While the bag was open, the bartender saw something shiny inside.
bartender: "Hey, what's that?"
man: "Oh this? It's a magic lamp. You just rub it, and it grants you a wish."
the bartender thought it over and decided to trade the man another free beer if he gets to rub the lamp. the man hands the lamp to the bartender and the bartender proceeded to rub the lamp.
Out of nowhere, a million ducks filled up the bar. They spilled out onto the street and ran amuck all over the place.
The bartender said, "What the crap?! I wished for a milllion bucks, but instead I got a million ducks!?"
man: "Yeah, well do you think I asked for a 12inch pianist??"
ZING!!
2006-11-09 08:30:23 · answer #2 · answered by Holly W 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A farmer bought a new young rooster for his henhouse, and back at the farm, the young stud met the old rooster.
Young stud: Hey paps! You're time is up. I'm the new rooster around here...get lost!
Old rooster: Whoa....hold on young kid. Can't we just share the hens in this henhouse?
Young stud: Beat it! You've been replaced. It's all about me now!
Old rooster: Hang on. Do you seriously think you can handle all the hens in this henhouse? Just look what it did to me. It made me old and weak.
Young stud: Stop whining old-timer...you're out and I'm in.
Old rooster: Okay, okay.....indulge me...a race around the farmhouse, and the winner gets full domain over the henhouse.
Young stud: Haha! Are you kidding me?! ..Fine...and just to be fair, I'll give you a headstart.
So the old rooster took off and about 15 seconds later, the young stud went after him. As the younger was catching up, only about 5 seconds behind, the two roosters rounded the corner near the front porch. And at this time in the afternoon, the farmer was on his porch relaxing on the swing bench. As he saw the two roosters running around the corner, he pulled out his shotgun and..BLAM!....blew the younger rooster to smitherens. The farmer sighed and softly said, "Dang it. That's the third gay rooster I've bought this month."
2006-11-09 08:29:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
An Atheist is walking through the woods, enjoying God's creations.
When he happened upon a grizzly bear. He started running and the bear kept gaining on him until he finally caught him and knocked him to the ground. The bear raised a paw to finish him off and the Atheist cried out,"Oh, my God."
Suddenly the forest grew quite and a light came down through the trees. God Said,"Why do you Atheists all call on me when you get into trouble?" The Atheist answered," I've never believed in you, so I'd be a hypocrite if I suddenly became a Cristian just to get out of this. If you can't make me a Christian, would you at least make the bear a Christian?"
God said," OK if that's what you want."
The forest came back alive as the light went back up.
The bear got off the Atheist and got down on his knees beside him, put both front paws together and said," Dear Lord, In Jesus's name, I ask you to bless this food that I'm about to partake Aman."
2006-11-09 08:36:53 · answer #4 · answered by Cal 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How do you get 4 elephants onto 1 bar stool?
Turn it upside down, of course!
2006-11-09 08:27:02 · answer #5 · answered by moonlighting54 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know a lot of funny jokes, but I can't ever remember the punch-line.....which makes people mad at me. They told me never to tell them a joke again if I can't remember the punch line.....LOL........
2006-11-09 08:27:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
aguy walks into the doctor and says he has a strawberry stuck up his butt
the doctor says : i have some cream for that
2006-11-09 08:31:32 · answer #7 · answered by Talking Hat 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
http://www.funnies.com/blondecircle.htm
2006-11-09 08:24:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
http://www.ajokeaday.com/
2006-11-09 08:30:23 · answer #9 · answered by Stone 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you call a fly with no wings?............. a walk!!!!!!
2006-11-09 08:38:57 · answer #10 · answered by alanickers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋