I'm 2 seconds away from......?

Question

strangling someone!! My mother in law normally means well. She allowed my family and me to move in with her when we were going through a rocky time. She has done a lot for us, and I appreciate it. I am expecting her first grandchild in January. Yes, she has every right to be excited. Does she have every right to run my pregnancy and parenting life? I can understand her wanting me to take my vitamins and be a good mom, but she's going overboard. I wanted my husband and my mom in the delivery room with me. Now I have them and my MIL in there! She actually came out and said that I better get my tubes tied after this baby is born.(I was going to anyway, but she made it out to be an order!) As far as baby shopping goes, she's picked everything out except the furniture, and I picked it out because it was on sale. She even told us what the baby would wear home! Do I need to say something , or have my husband do it? This is causing problems for us. He says she means well. I say she's pushy.

As for the outfit the baby would wear home from the hospital, my 4 yr. old picked out a cute outfit. I was telling my husband about it, and his mom goes, "I already picked out what she's gonna wear, and it cost me a fortune, and she's gonna wear it!" It almost made my 4 yr. old cry, because she's excited about her baby. It's like me and my husband (mostly me) can't have a say in anything. She even got mad at me and my husband for not asking HER what the baby's name should be. It's our baby!!!

After this, I'll shut up, I promise. The only reason I didn't want my MIL in the delivery room is because she gets excited too easy, and me and my husband are afraid she'll pass out or something. I love my MIL, I do, but the last thing I need when I'm having a baby is a hysterical granny in there!! My mom has been in the DL with me before (my first baby), and she stayed calm and level headed the whole time. That's why I want her in there. Also, this is my husband's first child, and he'll be bad enough by himself!

Answer 1

Wow.... your mother in law is a control freak... I feel sorry for you. As soon as you can, move your family out of that household. Now, who's having the baby here, you or her? If you want your baby to wear an outfit home, then guess what, do it.... if you need an excuse, accidentally forget the outfit she picked out... Your husband should say something, you're pregnant, let him deal with her, not you. Also, look at the bright side of things, your MIL is spending her money on the child, and you can save your money, she'll be able to baby sit your child and certainly willing. Why not throw her a bone one of these days, ask her about something related to parenting, i.e. " do you think this color or that color would match better " If you involve her more maybe she'll feel like she's more involved and be able to back off on ruling your life

Answer 2

I think you need your husband to have a quiet word. Yes, she is being over the top and probably doesn't even realize it. Bit worried about having your tubes tied, does it mean being sterilized? If it does, it is none of her business and you should have politely told her that. Do not decide on such an important decision yet, you may regret the decision. Wait until you are settled into a new place of your home. You really do need to get a place of your own as soon as possible. Do not let her run your pregnancy, it is your pregnancy. You decide what you want to do, you only need to listen to advice and say thanks for the advice I'll take that on board when I am deciding what to do. or words to that affect. When your mother-in-law sees that you are taking charge of your pregnancy, she may not like it but she will respect you for it. It wouldn't hurt to thank her for all the things she has done for you either, it will let her know that you really appreciate her. Good luck with the baby, I really hope you get a place of your own soon, it will be for the best.

Answer 3

You'll have to play this one very carefully. In my mind I think just standing up to her as a united front, you and your husband, and telling her that this is just not right is the best idea, yet this could get out of hand and could damage family ties if not done carefully. I think the best idea is talk it out with your husband, and sit your mother in law down and tell her that you feel shes being overprotective of your child, and that it is your responsibility. So long as you and your husband present a united front, she will have no option but to accept this. As far as the delivery room goes, telling her she cant might be tricky, so you may want to say you would love to have her there at the birth, just so long as she stops being so pushy (well, not in those words of course, lol). At least this way she can feel like she's involved, while not causing you any further stress. Then when you need to have a break form the baby, at least you know your mother in law will want to look after her/him. Hope that helps!

Dan

Answer 4

It's her first grandchild for God's sake but you're right she is a bit overpowering. Tell her in a quiet moment that while you appreciate everything she has done and continues to do for you that she is spoiling you and making you too reliant on her. Tell her you need to find your own feet and that while you still value her input, that you would prefer for her to wait until you ask for advice or help in the future. Good luck with the new baby and everything

Answer 5

you have every right to be mad!!! I would be fuming I would tell your husband and then tell the mil ... as for the delivery room why not have just your husband there so there is no fights between mil and mothers etc.. it is your child not there's... good luck and congrats !!!

Answer 6

Well you have two options:

1) Tell her to leave you alone and risk being thrown out onto the street

OR

2) Keep quiet until you have your own place

What's more important to you? Clothes or having a roof over your head?

Answer 7

Some parents believe that because they help you that they can order you around forever. Nip it in the bud. You and your husband need to stand up for yourselves and tell your MIL that she is overstepping your authority. Its your child and you decide whats best.

If she wants to throw you out for speaking up to her then she really does not need to have contact with her grandchild.

Answer 8

i was in the same situation and i told them to back off but you need to let them know that your thankful for letting you stay there and need to tell them that they need to back off this isn't their kid they are raising its you and your husband and they should have no say over what happens with the baby and when and where things are gonna happen! they also need to give you and your family the respect that that you deserve when i was living with my fiance's mother omg! try and control ever move we made! she would tell us what to do and what not to do and when to do it! it was a nightmare! never again will i ever live there under any circumstances. his grand parents were worse! but finally i told them to **** off not in those words! lol but would been glad too.but when i was pregnant living there i ended up having a miscarriage! :( i don't speak to his side of the family and I'm pregnant again now and i refuse to be around when my fiance tells him mom and grandparents that we are again! his family is to much stress! yeah so just tell them you need your space and that your having this kid not them!!!!!! they need to accept that and give you what you need! good luck Hun!

Answer 9

i would get your own place she is to controlling. i feel bad for you. talk to your husband see if she is bothering him too. you are the mother to be not her. she had her own children. she has no right to tell you to have your tubes tied. ask your mom what you should do why dont you move in with your mom and dad.

Answer 10

Relax.