what's the funniest joke you have ever heard?

Question

Yes - Superman - please tell the Colin joke!!

Answer 1

Men are better friends than women................

Women:
A wife was not at home for a whole night. So, the very next morning, she tells her husband that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment over night. The husband calls 10 of her best girlfriend's and none of them confirm that.
Men:
A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends: 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night, and the other 5 are claiming that he still is there with them!
Moral of the story: Men are better friends!!!!

Answer 2

The funniest joke in the world is the one about Colin, who claims to know everybody in the world.
It's too long to write here but I'll put it up as a question if you want to hear it?

Short one:
2 cows talking on the hillside.
1st cow says to the other 'Isn't it bad about all of this mad cow disease?'.
'Doesn't affect me' says the other. 'I'm a duck!'

The Colin one is the funniest joke ever, though........

Answer 3

Two senior citizens are having breakfast in bed after sex:
Grandma : My goodness, even after all these years, you are still great in bed! An hour has passed but I can still feel the heat!
Grandpa : Ofcourse you would! Your breasts are in your coffee.




Man 1 : Hey man, what's up?
Man 2 : Hey buddy! I just bought these very expensive hearing aids, and now I'm not deaf anymore!
Man 1 : Really? How much was it?
Man 2 : Just yesterday.




Blond : I think I'm sick! I keep seeing white spots all the time!
Brunette : Have you seen a doctor?
Blond : No, just spots.




Girl : Let's play hide & seek! If you find me, you can have me!
Boy : What if I can't find you?
Girl : I'm just behind the piano...

Answer 4

there was a man had been married for 20 years and he had a rundle he was the only one that can open it and his wife always want to know what was in this rundle and some day he forgot the key of this rundle at home when he went to his work so his wife take the key and open the rundle and she found 3 eggs and 20000$ so at the night when he back home she asked him what is this 3 eggs u was hiding he answered that when every time he shetting on her he buy an egg when she heard this she think in 20 years of marrage he shetted on her 3 times only it's okay then she ask him so what about the 20000$ he answered that every time he collected a box of eggs he was selling it

Answer 5

One is a song, and another is a Michael Jackson joke.

Number 1:

(Sung to the tune of 'I Believe I Can Fly')

♫ I believe I can die, ♫
♫ I got ran over by the Ice Cream guy, ♫
♫ All I wanted was a popsicle, ♫
♫ Instead I ended up in a hospital . . . ♫

Number 2:

Q: What does a television and Michael Jackson have in common?

A: They both can get turned on by three year olds.

That's all I got.

Answer 6

Sunday school?
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half and ram it up your ****!''
The Teacher fainted.

Answer 7

An elderly couple are sat at the front in church during Sunday Service when the old lady leans towards her husband and says,

"I've just let the biggest Silent fart go, what do you think I should do?",

The husband leans towards her and says,

" Get a new battery for your hearing aid!!"

Answer 8

The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests and in Sunday school quizzes by children between fifth and 6th grade ages.They were collected over a period of three
years by two teachers. Read carefully for grammar, misplaced modifiers, misinformation and, of course, spelling!

Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
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Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before he ever reached Canada but the commandos made it.
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Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was a actual hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It sounds like he was sort of busy too.
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The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a young female moth.
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Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. He later died from an overdose of wedlock which is apparently poisonous. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
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In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled
biscuits, and threw the java. The games were messier then than they show on TV now.
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Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Same to you, Brutus."
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Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw for reasons I don't really understand. The English and French still have problems.
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Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah!"and that was the end of the fighting for a long while.
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It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood.
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Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented
cigarettes and started smoking.
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Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper which was very dangerous to all his men.

Answer 9

The one about the clever dog.

Clever dog sits in the wild. He sees a hungry lion coming towards him. But he sees a dry bone lying next to him, so he picks up the bone and starts to lick it. As soon as Lion is within hearing distance, he says aloud: "Yum-yum this lion tasted great!" Lion gets really scared so he tiptoes away. Meanwhile, Ape is sitting in the tree and he's checking out this whole scene. He thinks to himself "this isn't right", so he gets out of the tree and runs after Lion to tell him the truth.

Lion says "I'm going to kill that dog!", and with Ape riding on Lion's back, the two of them head back toward Dog.

Dog sees the two of them coming towards him, and immediately he realises what happened. So he picks up the bone again, and as soon as the two of them are within hearing distance, he says aloud again in order for Lion to hear: "I wonder what's keeping Ape. He's been gone such a long time promising me another lion...."

Answer 10

My daughters (6)favorite joke and the funnist when we was sitting round around a table with in-laws

Why did tiger look down the toilet??

To find Pooh