Is it to late???

Question

Hi am am 34yrs old and i have a 13yr old girl and a 10 yr old boy.
Do you think it's a bit to late for me and my husband to have another child?

Me and my siblings are very close in age and i have always liked that, but if i were to have another child what would they have in common?
The age gap would be quite large, would it be fair on the new addition?
I never really had a set amount of kids i wanted it just worked out that way (never seemed to be the right time!!)

What do you think???

Answer 1

Oh my gosh, Heck no!! we just had our 6th child and I am 35 and dh is 36. And I will tell you, I have more patience and am a MUCH more easy going mom now :) our kids ages are all spread out too, LOL our kids are 17, 16, 14, 13, 21 months and 4 months. Our older 4 absolutely ADORE the babies and all of them will tell people they cant imagine life without the babies. Of course our babies have nothing in common as far as sports, etc.. but they LOVE their older brothers and sisters and our 21 month old is THRILLED when they walk in the door from school. Also as you know with older kids they have their own things to do and places to go, so you would have PLENTY of time and attention giving to the new bebe'. Good Luck to you!

Answer 2

My husband and I have been thinking the same recently. We have a 13 year old and an 11 year old, both girls, and he would really love a boy to complete the family.

What we have been doing is completing a list of pros and cons for both scenarios. You could do the same. Pros would be things like you are still a young woman with plenty of energy to cope with a baby. You would have some built-in help with the new baby that you didn't have the first time around. You are probably more financially stable than you were the first time around and will be able to cope emotionally more better. You may also be thinking that the clock is ticking and if you are going to do it, best to do it now whilst you still can.

Cons would be that you have to go through the sleepless nights, nappies, sick on the shoulders of all your tops, never leaving the house unless it looks like you are mounting an expedition to Mount Everest again. Could you do that?

Do you have enough room in your house for another child or would it mean moving? What about your car? Is it big enough to have 13 year old, 10 year old in car seat and baby seat?

What about holidays? These are usually priced as 2 adults 2 children. You will need to pay adult fare for 13 year old anyway and by the time you come to have to pay for baby, you will be paying adult fare for 10 year old too. Sometimes the cost of a 3rd child is really high especially if you holiday abroad.

What about your job? I don't know whether you work or not or if you would intend to return if you do. As both of yours are currently in school, you will need to factor in some form of child care for baby which can be expensive even though there are various tax credits available now. Is yours the kind of job you can afford to take time off from? If you have a career rather than a job, it may mean taking time out and then starting all over again when you come back to work, having already done this once before.

How would your children feel to have a baby in the house? Are they saying that they will help, be happy etc now but you know yourself how demanding and time consuming having children is. Will they still feel the same when they can't sleep for baby crying or if the little one is entering their rooms and playing with their stuff when it starts to walk or when they can't go somewhere or make noise or have friends to stay in case the baby wakes up? What if you have to turn off Nickleodeon in favour of CBeebies? Will this cause World War III? Will they now have to share a room so baby can have a nursery?

Is it fair to have a child at this stage when in a relatively short time your other two will have moved out to college or whatever and the baby will be 8 years old and on their own at home or will you feel that you will have to have another one to keep that one company?

All things that only you and hubby can answer. I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide. We have thought about the above time and time again and still can't make a decision. I guess what will be will be.

Answer 3

If you and your husband both really want another child, it is not too late. The new addition will in fact be loved to bits by the four of you. The elder children are mature enough to accept a new brother or sister without being jealous.
However it will cut out a large slice of your freedom just as the two you already have require less constant attention.You will be at least fifty five when that child reaches twenty and becomes independent...Can you face this? If yes, then go for it.

Answer 4

I can talk from experience from both sides of the scale. Firstly, my sister is ten years older than me and she is like my best friend, I would be lost without her in my life. She guided me through many hard times and I learned a lot from her maturity and experience. Secondly, my son and daughter were 12 and 11 when their little brother was born. They adored him from the first moment. They are now 19 and 18 and the little one is 7. All three are extremely close and little bro absolutely idolises big bro. They have a great relationship and the age gap has never presented a problem. In fact, my eldest son assured me that if anything happened to me or my husband, I could rest assured he'd always take the best possible care of his little bro. I was also unsure of the big age-gap at first, but now I know I wouldn't have it any other way. Go for it!

Answer 5

I think it's entirely up to you. If you want another child and you're happy to go back the the sleepless nights et al and feel you can readjust your lives back to that stage, then of course it's alright. I think there are issues, such as family holidays with two young teenagers and baby will be difficult, as one of you will be with the baby and the other with the older kids etc.

A friend of mine has a 9yr old and is pregnant now, so her daughter will be 10 when the baby is born. She is aware of all the potential problems, but really wants another baby, and knows that the second one will have a similar childhood to the first (feeling like an only child at some stage) when the older one hits their later teens. Personally, I couldnt imagine going back to having a small baby in the house and going through the early years again (I loved it, but cant imagine having school run, work, homework etc and sleepless nights... much less the military maneourvers of transporting babies around (car seats, prams, nappy bags, feeding equippment etc etc).

But I would say, at 34, if YOU really want another one, then you should have one.

Answer 6

If you and your husband think that you can bring the child up in a loving home then you will be OK.

Your other children may feel a bit put out if you do but a lot of children have that whatever their age when a sibling arrives!

My son's best friend is the middle child of five he's 18 and he has a 7 year old sister and a 2 year old brother and he adores them, So a prime example of how well things can go.

Good luck!

Answer 7

It's not too late. I have an 8 year age gap between my two girls and I've been able to give each of them a lot of attention when they were small which was a good thing. The problem you will have is that the two kids you already have are old enough to know that their parents will have had sex to produce this baby! They will see that as absolutely gross as they probably like to believe that you've only ever had sex on two previous occasions (which resulted in them being born). Seriously, if it feels right, do it.

Answer 8

Go for it!!! I didn't have my last child until I was 35 and it was an awesome decision, my cousin just had a baby and she is 40. The age gap would not be a problem either many older children like to help out especially when it is their little brother and sister.

Answer 9

Having another kid now would really change a lot of things that you do now. Simple things would now become harder, even if you were heading to your son's basketball game, think about the baby who would cry or squirm in it's seat. You wouldn't relax. On the bright side, your children might enjoy having a baby around to take care of and will probably make them think twice about having sex too early. Ann Landers once said, don't have a kid until you can't stand not having one. So, if you're dying to have a child, go for it. Possibly ask your kids what they would think if they had a little baby around the house. Also think...can you afford this new baby? Just wait to college age....think about the money you're going to need to pay for college for not only your older kids, but the baby too. Wish you the best though.

Answer 10

There really is nothing wrong with an age gap. Sometimes it can be nice for the youngest to have siblings old enough to take care of them. And lets face it there is nothing in this world that can bring more joy to anyones life than a baby especially when they are brought into a loving family and the fact that you are even asking advice means that this is a decision that will be taken seriously.