Inability to plan?

Question

This is not a rant - I'm looking for serious answers to help. My wife cannot plan or visualise the outcomes of actions - C can think in terms of "happy" outcomes but not the stages required to achieve them. For example, Xmas is a happy outcome but C cannot see the steps and follow them through - eg buy the turkey, plan the guest list, send out invites etc. C always needs instant gratification - C will decide the re-decorate a room and go ahead and just buy the paint without consulting on her ideas. C knows this is a problem but she cannot help herself. C doesn't have other compulsive or addictive behavours. A more serious consequence is that our son has aspergers, and C cannot understand the linkage between what we do or don't do to help him now and how he will survive as an adult. C just hopes everything will be alright. I am the opposite (a planning freak) and so maybe I am too extreme the other way. Cdoes therapy, but I an not sure this is the only or best solution. Help please.

Answer 1

Therapy probably is best. But if she has been going to therapy for months with no effect, it might be worth finding another therapist with different techniques. Cognitive therapy might work, whereby she is asked to challenge the logic behind her actions. But if you think you might be a "planning freak" maybe you should look into therapy too, at least to help you deal with her spontinaity. If you need things planned precisely, you should do xmas. You can't expect her to become as methodical as you are. She needs to rely less on instant gratification for her own sake. Sounds hard for you both. Hope things work out.

Answer 2

This is not as bad as you are making it out to be. Lots of people don't believe in planning. they live by their faith and believe that all things work for good.....

However I suggest you teach C to plan. That is for you to go through the whole theory and how it works. Be nice about it please. Also explain the related advantage. Take a project and work on it together. Show her how much fun it can be and the ease of executing a planned project. This Christmas could be a good project. You 2 work on creating a plan for the family to enjoy Christmas and execute the plan together.

I think this will be a better approach than therapy. Also, I also like instance gratification. I don't always get it but its not wrong to like it.
You might be worrying too much.
Cheers

Answer 3

I am concerned that it is you writing so it is you who has a problem with this. Does she feel the same? You say she is getting therapy - are you too? You said you are a control freak so maybe you need to address that issue in yourself. If it is you who is finding this hard then you need to find a way for you to deal with this, not try to say she has a problem and she needs to sort it out. I can see where you are coming from but if she is happy and does not feel she needs to change then I am not sure what we can do to help!

Answer 4

You and your wife need to spend some time together, just the two of you.

You can try asking your wife to write things down. Maybe make flow charts of spider diagrames will help her see the bigger picture.

Encourage your wife not to rush into things too.

Answer 5

If she is not coming to or causing, any physical or mental harm to anyone then I cannot see that there is a problem.

As a mental health professional once said to me:

"You cannot change other people, so don't waste all your energy trying. Change yourself to accept people for who they are."

That saying worked for me, but that is not to say it works for everyone; everyone's situation is different.

Answer 6

men are from mars....... women from venus! i m sure theres a book out there ..... hmmmm, ???