My mother-in-law has been living with us since July and can't seem to make up her mind in what she wants to do. Well she has also occured some bills and now wants us to pay them for her well she gets more than 2x a month than we get and she eats all our food and kids' snacks and has raised my electric bills and just won't help out she won't even babysit how do we get rid of her. My husband has tried talking to her and all she does is cry and then he feels bad and thats the end of it. I'm not allowed to talk to her cuz I'm too mean but I need some sanity!
2006-11-08 18:49:31 · 17 answers · asked by emotionalyhurtmom 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
hi there ......there is nothing worse than having the mother-in-law move in ,but you are here and ive read some of youre other answers and the last thing i would do is give youre husband the line of ....PICK ME OR YOURE MOTHER !!!!! that is asking for trouble you will have to live with youre husband after she has gone,you and youre husband need to sit down and sort what you both want out ,i take it he loves his mother and without being to cruel in this would also love her to move out and into her own place ........right then you need to then tell her as gentle as possible that you need youre space back and that you will all help her find a place and when she does you wll all help her move in and come to her for dinner and enjoy a good cooked meal at her new house ,if she refuses as she could well do then id make it as clear as crystal that she has to start paying her way as you are having problems with paying youre bills ,tell her that it is putting a strain on youre marriage ,let her know that things cant go on like this ,she has a free meal ticket up to now and you all need youre space back .......but i do feel sorry for youre husband this old fox of a mother he has knows what buttons to press and how to get things her way .......this is not fair on her son ,she should have more respect for him and his family and realise that she needs to get herself sorted out .......please dont be to hard on youre husband how would you feel if this was youre mum doing this ?? give him a cuddle and let him know that when you all get youre home back to just you and youre kids that you have a evening plnned that is only for the 2 of you .......that might help things along .......good luck and take care xx
2006-11-08 19:20:13 · answer #1 · answered by a parent hows been there !! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
for someone getting your help she isnt showing much gratitude is she,,she may be a little depressed,,to move into your childs home when they are an adult can be distressing as it is you doing the care-giving now,not her. you have a right to speak but really,it is your husbands mother and it will be better for any future relationship you have that he speaks to her,,both of you sit down and really work out if you can keep her because him bottling out is doing just that and if that is not either of your intentions,he must dig deeper for the strength to ask her to move out,,work out how you see she could live quite well on her income,,what kind of place she could afford,,what will happen when she does move,,who will help her and support her,,assuming she is alone she may just be hanging onto the other end of the apron strings and just not seeing there is no one at the opposite end.your husband does not want her there either but it is from him that she must accept this decision,,you and he have a life,,she has had her family life,,do not risk what you have and do not let her make him choose between you and her,,she has no right to force her desire on him just to stay where she is comfortable.
2006-11-09 03:27:57 · answer #2 · answered by lex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are right, your mother-in-law should give you some privacy. i dont think it is fair for the both of you, she is threthening your relationship with your husband, call an older member of your family to come and talk sense into her head! dont let her get away with this this because she is a parasite and selfish. dont wait too long without taking actions beacause the next thing she will do now, she is going to tell you that you are not the right wife to your husband. mother-in=laws are like that more especially from men' side. just hang in there!
2006-11-09 03:07:30 · answer #3 · answered by Lorato m 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
unless there is a medical reason of some kind to stop it, I agree mom-n-law may need to go... strain on marriage and all that .... YOU need to sit down with hubby, explain to him, in detail , just how you feel and why.. be calm and respectful, no talking ugly about mom, that will automatically put him on moms' side... put it all down on paper so he will have visual, men like that and understand it , show the difference in the elc., water, food, etc.. and make sure any other bills SHE has incured are written too... make a full presentation to him.. what ya'll make, what mom makes and how spending your money on her is effecting your budget... go slow and keep to the program !!!! then, tell him ways it can be fixed, such as her paying rent or being responsibble for certain bills, again showing the difference it will make, and throw in how much could be put up for later in savings account, etc.... then standing firm give him options, she pays or goes..... remember, be respectful about his mom, but be firm on how YOU feel.... it is also YOUR HOME, not just his..... God bless
2006-11-09 03:01:31 · answer #4 · answered by Annie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure when you married, it was not with the intent that any of your parents would be part of the living arrangements.
It's time to give your husband the ultimatum. If indeed she has sufficient independent income, then it's time for her to go. There are tons of senior apartments and residential living where she would more than likely thrive with people of her own generation sharing like interests.
It's time for your husband to stand up and be the man you thought you married. His vows were to you, not Mommy, therefore his interests should be in preserving his marriage, and his family.
Best of luck.
2006-11-09 02:55:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
after all shes a mother ..you need to respect her ..i am sure many times she was tired of her kids including your husband and she never complained ...dont want her to leave ,,just explain the situation about ur lack of money and ask her if she can pay some of the bills but dont kick her out,,its a sin ...
2006-11-09 03:03:35 · answer #6 · answered by Creative 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as a wife dont say anything to her, your husband who is her son should be in the right position to talk to the mother. tell her things are difficult, if she does not manage she will go back to where she was staying period. you are married to your husband you dont need a third to start bring problems to your family. the son should tell her. Dont speak most of the motherinlaw are very wicked, before hatred will come to you, instead of the son.
2006-11-09 05:55:23 · answer #7 · answered by Jecs O 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Damn, Honey your mother-in-law is playing the hell out of you and her son, put her A ss out be fore she makes you lose your mind and your house. Is you husband the only child if not take her for a ride to their house and leave her there for them to look after. But sister girl is playing you like a flute.
2006-11-09 17:32:09 · answer #8 · answered by This is just my opinion! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Set a date for her to move out. Tell her you will all pitch in to find her a place to live. Life is too short to be afraid to speak up.
2006-11-09 02:53:56 · answer #9 · answered by Logicnreason 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't care if your husband approves or not. Ask her nicely for some money. If she asks why, then explain to her that she is a burden and that you and your husband can't really cope with it. But be nice and matter-of-factly.
2006-11-09 02:56:30 · answer #10 · answered by seek_fulfill 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋