I'm scared of being hurt?

Question

My boyfriend that I have been with for three months now told me last week that he thinks he's falling in love with him, and I think I am too, but I've been hurt many times before and I'm scared that he will too. I make time for my friends so that I can have space and at the same time he can too. And he told me he would like to spend time with me more, and I said yes but too much of something you won't want anymore, like eating too much and you get full and you don't want anymore... then I gave him an example, I said to him "I'm not trying to say we're gonna get married, this is just an example, alot of guys are like oh no I'm gonna be with one women and sleep with one women for the rest of my life..." and he looked and me and said I don't know about you but I'm actually looking forward to being married and having a family. Okay I too look forward to being with him alot and having a future, I don't tell him that though, because I worry that I'll get too attached and he'll get bored :-(

Answer 1

I know exactly how you feel! I've avoided relationships for a long time because I was afraid of getting hurt. I've been with my current guy for a little less than a year now and it's been the most anxiety-filled year that I've had in a long time. There were many times when I almost felt like running away because the fear was overwhelming. But the thing that makes me stay is the realization that in order to get the things I want most in life (not just in relationships) takes an amount of risk. If we play it safe all the time, we'll never get hurt, but life would be bland.

Answer 2

Here's my question: Have you slept with him yet?

If the answer to that question is "no", then he's just saying it to sleep with you. Honestly, nobody falls "in love" within three months, sorry i'm not trying to be a jerk, but look at it from a guys point of view. The whole talking about the future thing is just to get someone to feel comfortable, and safe, and whatnot in a relationship, make them think it might actually go somewhere.
OR
if you haven't slept with him, then he's probably being genuine, and just take it slow, because you're right, too much commitment and too much time together up front does not make for a good relationship. You have to get to know eachother and br friends in order to make the relationship last.

Just remember to look at it from all angles, best of luck

Answer 3

You shouldn't be so negative about this.
We all get hurt in one way or another.
It's part of life.
We experience so many things and everything happens for a reason.
We may not know what the reason is yet, but it does.
We gain experiences and we learn from them.
We use the past to build the future.
I think you'll end up messing this relationship up with all the negativity.
Don't get me wrong. It's good to not be too optimistic.
But it's another thing to be too pessimistic.
I was always pessimistic too.
But then someone fell in love with me and I fell in love with him.
I have enjoyed every moment with him. We talk about marriage all the time.
You two should spend time together. And no, not TOO much time to where you're practically living together because of course... you two need your space as well.
Just enjoy the relationship... anything can happen in the future.
You'll never know if you're too pessimistic. : }

Answer 4

nothing in this life is guaranteed ,and you cant expect it to be ,either for your boyfriends future feelings, as well as your own,
everybody gets hurt several times in their life ,maybe one time is for sure and then you are lucky,

so just relax make the best of it and take it as it comes .
what happens happens ,worrying will only put unatural strains on things .

just be honest and dont keep things secret ,that is most peoples mistake ,open your heart.hurt will only make you stronger if that happens.

that is the best you can do ,and this makes a better person to love or like anyway

Answer 5

you have everything to gain if you stop concentrating on the possibility of getting hurt.they say if you want it to work you 've got to love like you have never been hurt.it is good that you are taking your time before opening too much but give a try and you will be happy when it works out.you being paranoid could actually drive him away.you better stop measuring him against the jerks who broke your heart before.

Answer 6

Honey you sound like you're way to young and your emotions are way to fragile for you to even be talking about love and marriage. My mom and dad were married for over 50 yrs and when he passed away I asked my mom how she knew what love was while she was with my dad. She told me no one knows what love is until they've spent a lifetime with someone.

Answer 7

This is sort of like the toothpaste squeezed out of the tube, darn hard to get beck in, Tell him you just need to be right with this and I am sure he will respect your wishes

Answer 8

That's the risk you take when you wake up every morning. It's something you should learn to accept and not be afraid of.

Answer 9

there is no easy way in a relationship
to be hurt simply means you value the relationship
the question is now
about trust and committment
no one really knows

Answer 10

he's just saying that to get you a bit more wild in the bedroom. (I love you darling, can you roll over so we can have anal sex?).