child asked by principal for a written statement?

Question

My son, age10, 6th grade, told me that the principal asked him to write a statement describing an incident at the lunch table. Evidently another boy, a chronic problem (hitting, cursing), said something vulgar about a girl in the class in front of all the other boys. My son told the girl (yes, I know this was a mistake and I chewed him out about this -- told him he should NOT have told the girl, but either kept his mouth shut and stayed out of it or told a teacher or some other authority, that by repeating the remark to the girl he had participated in spreading ugliness and I was very disappointed). Apparently the girl told her mother, and the mother complained. Again, the boy who said the vulgar thing is a repeat offender. I am very uncomfortable with my son being asked to write a statement. I don't know how the principal intends to use it. I feel that if she can't rely on my son's verbal statement to pursue the matter, then it must be dropped. Any advice?

Answer 1

The school I went to in Middle School and my son's Elementary School often would have kids write incident reports out. I never learned what my prinicpal did with them. My son's principal kept them in the kids' files but I think's that all, just for future reference by the child's point of view. But Elementary is young to have them do this.
I highly suggest that you make an appointment with principal and the girl's mother and discuss this openly. And then ask to speak with the bully's parents, if need be. Many times the bully's parents are left out of the loop.
I don't see anything wrong with your son telling the girl, unless he got the words wrong. Maybe he thought that in order to stop the gossiping and lying, he would cut if off at the path and let the girl find out before the lie got bigger. I would be proud of my son doing this, honestly. Since he wasn't involved in the making up of the gossip/lie, he has the right to protect another child and warn them of what is being said behind their backs. My son is 11 and I repeatedly tell him not to listen nor believe in gossip and if he hears it, either tell the gossiper to stop it, tell a teacher or me that day, or go to the child that is being talked about and tell them so they are aware of it and tell that child that you will go to the office with them if they want to talk to the principal. Just ignoring the gossip and lies does no good for anyone. The bully has to be confronted right away or at least that day so they will learn that they have to stop this now. And the child being gossiped about has the right to know about it right away as well. So please don't be hard on your son. He was 'man' enough to warn the girl. But you should talk with the principal and the girl's mother, face-to-face, no over the phone. Good luck!

Answer 2

I wouldn't feel comfortable making a written statement either.

In defense of your son he really didn't do any thing wrong.
I agree with you about telling an adult. But I think you should encourage your son to be open with you & share these things with you & ask you what would be the best thiing to do.

Confronting this problem boy, may just be a case of I never said that . Then you bring other boys into it & some may agree & some may disagree.

Now your son is in the middle of this & likly to end up being the bad guy, if a big thing is made of this. Your son my find him self being left out of many things that the boys do. People usualy don't want to have much to do with a snitch.

But I think every one should look at this as a Sticks & Stones thing. (Sticks & Stones May Break My Bones, But Nasty Words Won't Hurt Me.)

It wouldn't be a bad idea to tell the principal & the girls mother that for your part you don't want to go any further with this. Children say & do things that they shouldn't. They have to learn how to get along with each other. If too big a thing is made of this, sides may be taken, & more harm than good will come of this.

If the problem boy is a disruption the principal call take the boy aside & caution him on his actions.

Answer 3

Sometimes "repeat offenders" are also popular in the other kid's eyes or they are bullies. That child's main goal is do what it takes to get out of trouble, which means persuading other kids to change their stories. If the story is written down right after it happened, it is much harder for the offender to threaten anyone to change their story. If this boy is as naughty as it seems, he may even try to blame the whole thing on your son. The principal has to deal with all parties involved both sets of parents are going to be very upset and defensive. The principal needs to have all the facts in line before she meets with the parents and sets up the discipline. The last thing she needs is kids changing stories and undermining her authority. It is a very common practice in school today.

You can request a copy of what your son has written. Better yet, have your son write it up at home and you keep a copy. Be sure you all sign and date both copies.

Answer 4

Honestly, it's hard to know why unless you ask. Which is exactly what I would do, That principal is there for you and your child as well as this girl and her parents. Go to the school and flat out ask the principal why he/she feels that this is necessary. If you agree with the reasoning, then that's great. And if not, stand up and give him/her a better idea. You are still the parent and have the last say in the matter weather they like it or not.

Answer 5

Personally, I wouldn't be very comfortable with the fact that the school didn't contact me before asking my child to give a written statement. I can understand the need for one, but if no one called me in to the office before my child was singled out, I would be a little irritated. You need to speak with the administrators to find out what's going on with the situation and what was the intention of have a written statement. If it's all reasonable, then ask to see (and receive a copy of) the statement given by your child. At that point I might let it go, but I'd make sure the school knew how I felt about the lack of communication on their part.

Answer 6

You need to speak to the principal personally. He probably wants a witness report that he can file to get this kid some help or move him to another school. Your son is a minor and he should not sign a statement. The principal can ask him questions and that should be enough.

Answer 7

Being a mother myself- I completely understand where you are coming from. And you were right about not wanting him to write a statement. I would polite say that you are through with the whole situation. And leave it alone. If he can't take your son word then he does not need your son's help. So therefore just leave it alone tell the Principal you want nothing else to do with the situation

Answer 8

Oh my! I would definately request that you be allowed to participate in this if the principal is going to insist. Talk to the principal and see what her goal is. If she is planning to take action against the other boy, statements in writing from other students would certainly be more powerful than a "he said, she said." I wouldn't freak out just yet. If you don't get a satisfactory response from the principal, refuse to let him. I hope all of this gets worked out for all of you.

Answer 9

Dear mom of witness,

Here's the thing... Don't worry about it. If it's a big deal to you it'll be a big deal to your kid. The principal did his thing, your kid told the truth, now lets move on. It'll eventually go away all by itself. You will cause yourself stress by worrying about this. It really isn't your problem so let it go. Seriously, that's what I'd do. There are more important things in life to focus on. Besides, it looks like the principal has it under control.

Answer 10

I would have your son write out the statement. The principle may not want your son in the room when he speaks to the offender's parents, but needs to be able to recite exactly what their son has said. It might actually help straighten out the little offender.