im at the end of my wits here?

Question

i have 2 girls 7 & 10 every time i set rules they dont follow them. ive tried to talk to them i dont believe in physical punishment . tried taking tv ,puter time away,no friends at my house, they break curfew . careless about school my daughter paid someone to do her homework . the father of the 7year old says its my fault they are this way. im to the point of just giving up ,i try so hard in what ever i do and i get shot down ive been really trying to work with my kids but everyone does thier own thing .my husband says if things dont change then everyone should go thier own way .because me alone willing to change n no one else is willing im really considering other alternatives i feel like the heck with them . im pysically n mentally disabled i cant do it alone

Answer 1

I think that if you are living with the father then you need to talk to him and tell him what you said here tell him he needs to help you and he needs to back you up supporting what you lay down for rules in your house. I had similar issues as these and I spoke to my husband about them and told him if he wasn't going to support my rules and wasn't going to help with the parenting to get out. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband to death however if he couldn't have that much decency to help me and help inforce the rules then basically he was just in the way and only there for me not the kids. My kids are also similar in age, 10 and 12. I put up with alot of crap for along time, then I came to my breaking point and I told them they were going to have to be more responsible and start doing stuff that I told them to do or they would not leave my house to do anything but go to school, and I would drive them there and pick them up there. They would not have computer time, phone time, company or going anywhere. I do not give them an allowance as I explained to them I pay for the roof over your head, the food in your mouths, the cloths on your back and all your medical and other needs! If they want to earn money they have to do extra stuff that is not asked of them.

I hope this helps! please feel free to email me.

Answer 2

I know how you feel my 7 year old has been rather bad don't give up.

You need to just take everything away from them and slow give back once they have strted to deserve it. My mom did this with me when I was 14.

With my son we do a reward punishment deal if he misbehaves well he gets some sort of punishment (corner time, a panking, a toy taken away) it all depends on the severity, for good behaviors he gets a toy back or gets to call someone special to him or gets to buy something from the store.

All kid are different and respond differently to things. The most important thing is to live by example and stick with it. Once you give in just a little they know they can break you at any turn.

You could always call Nanny 911 or Super Nanny their shows bring some light and humor to our home but they also help give us ideas that we hadn't thought of before.

I suggest buying, reading and apply Dr James Dobbsons book "The Strong Willed Child" he has lots of good points and actions to help parents like us.


Good luck and I will pray for you!

Another hint read the bible seek out Jesus and watch the changes as you truely seek his face.

Answer 3

Start believing in physical punishment, or if your not physically able to, get dad involved to help you out (with his daughter) These girls need strict discipline and consequences. This is the wrong age to go easy on them. If your really at wits end start spanking them, it's what they need at this age. Is your 10 year old daughter's father around? If so, get him involved and fast don't interfere (as hard as it seems at times) with him instilling discipline, and enforcing consequences such as spanking them. This needs to be a team effort, DISCIPLINE & CONSEQUENCES. I can't stress that enough.

These girls are begging for the right kind of attention from mom and dad. As a parent you need to have a sort of H bomb of punishment such as spanking. I don't mean beating the tar out of them & leaving them black and blue, but mind you I don't mean a few swats either, I am talking about a spanking right out of the 50s pants/underwear down over the lap for a good long time. I have a 10, and 7 year old daughters who I would have no problem spanking if required. Better to do in now, before it's to late. THEY NEEDS CONSEQUENCES for breaking rules

I am not sure of your disabilities, but get the fathers involved ASAP. Daddies are not built to put up with this kind of stuff, allow them to be fathers and do there job.

It sounds like you girls are from two different dads, If this is the case MAKE SURE the dads are only spanking there own daughter, I am not a fan of step parents using physical consequences on there step kids.

Best of luck to you

Answer 4

It appears that they seem a little spoiled, perhaps you should relax a little and not try so hard. I think a good way to discipline them would be to let them do everything themselves, well almost, like have them make their own lunch and dinner, or do some household chores. Perhaps you should take away their allowance, I think they are a little young to even have money to give to other kids to do their homework. You should also not fight them head to head, whenever they do something wrong, don't be too stern on them, otherwise they will get a negative vibe from you and act the same. Rather act cool and calm, even if you aren't feeling that.

Answer 5

You are right , you can't do it alone. Take a parenting class. They are great. You get to meet other parents who have been through or are going through what you are. You can see the things you are doing well and get ideas for other things to try. Most places that do parenting classes have scholarships available, if you need.

A good parenting book series is "Parenting with Love and Logic" by Jim Faye and Foster Cline

Answer 6

It sounds like you need a mediator. Try to get an appointment with a family councelor. That way, they will have to hear your side and have someone there to kinda give you the support you need and hopefully open up your husband's eyes to the truth...

Answer 7

give the t.v. away
give the computer away
give their ipods away
no curfuw because you don't leave the house to HAVE one.
no money
no friends over

learn how to cook your own food
learn how to do your own laundry
learn how to do 'it' on your own
learn how to clean the house.

all you HAVE to do is supply them with the food to cook, the shelter to clean, and the clothing for them to wash.EVERYTHING else is above and beyond what you HAVE to do.

if they have nothing clean to wear to school they get to go in their p.j.s
if there are no clean dishes from which to eat (you have a job and can order out) they don't get to have dinner.
if they decide to not make dinner they don't eat.
no problem.

Answer 8

absolutely i agree with everyone.. therapy..family counseling.. it does wonders...it will get to the root of your daughters misbehaving...they are rebelling about something...and if your husband is ready to throw in he towel...you all have to be on the same page adn work together as a team...you cant fight city hall...it has to be done..even if you go see someone your self and ween them in...

Answer 9

why not try taking the whole crew to seek therapy maybe by talking to someone else they will open up and disclose what the real problems are because they wont talk to you it seems.

Answer 10

Mothering is very tiring task...When we were kids ,(my oldersister, me and my bro) I saw my mom always very busy doing hold chores, taking care of us, have work.. She is a supermom.. .. She was loosing temper too...but she guided us till we grow up..She is like a single mom but our family is very much intact,, my father is a seaman ,he hardly comes home because of his work... Have more patient w/ kids.