Last time I was there, two months ago for the birth of my granddaughter, I was thrilled seeing her and my daughter, but distressed by my son-in-law's frequent yelling, ranting, fuming. I also worry about the amount he drinks and the effects of his behavior on the new family's emotional and physical safety. It's a dilemma, because I love my grandchild and daughter, but the idea of staying with my son-in-law gives me "fight-or-flight" feelings. When pressed as to why I didn't want to return just yet, I told my daughter my problems with his behavior, and now they are both upset at me...
2006-11-08
16:11:00
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8 answers
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asked by
Anonymous
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Family
Mom, your daughter chose this man to spend the rest of her life with and as her mom, you have to accept that whether you like him or not. If staying with them while visiting is too hard, then rent a hotel room close by and tell your daughter that you got an excellent package deal. Or if you want to be honest with her, turn it around and say that you fear her husband's anger or outbursts are caused by you staying there and you didn't want to cause trouble for her. It's going to be a touchy subject for awhile, but take into consideration that they are new parents living on little sleep while they care for your grandchild. You remember what that was like. Everyone handles stress differently and if venting is his way of release, then let him vent. The drinking on the other hand, is something I'd be worried about too. But just because you are against it (and rightfully so), it doesn't give you the right to voice your opinion about it to them. This is one of those situations where you have to wait patiently until your daughter comes to you with advice on this....and from the sounds of it....if this continues...she will. So for right now, get the hotel room, make the best of your visit and spoil the heck out of your new grand baby! Congratulations by the way!
2006-11-08 16:21:03
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answer #1
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answered by Hollynfaith 6
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well to have your daughter an grandchild in your life you have to accept the son in-law, even tho he has huge huge flaws, but , to settle the confusion when going to VIst just stay in a hotel. an tell you daughter, that you prefer, that , to show respect for , don't feel bad that you don't want to go visit them because of how the soninlaw conducts himself, your still mother, an should always be respected in that way, yes it will be very emotional with the husband drinking an what ever else he do, an say, but the thing is no matter how bad he acts your daughter an grandchild need you , so just enjoy them as much as possible. an tolerated husband (smile) DONT LET , YOUR FEELING ABOUT YOUR SONINLAW, SEPARATED YOU FROM YOUR DAUGHTER AN GRANDCHILD. because one day, that child will grow up an wonder why ??? you was not around much,
2006-11-08 16:24:24
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answer #2
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answered by Bosha 2
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Close your mouth and love your grandchild. Let them work out there own problems, don't you remember when your in laws busted on you? When you go (and you know you will) stay in a hotel just say you don't want to interfere with there day to day life.
2006-11-08 16:23:57
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answer #3
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answered by landersonjr1958 6
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Go, do not let his problem behavior separate you from your daughter and grandchild. Stay in a local hotel, or inn. Your daughter must know you are there for her.
2006-11-08 16:14:01
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answer #4
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answered by chris 5
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I sure think A hotel would be best if that upsets them too don't go. If he acted like that 2 months ago he will be worse this time
2006-11-08 16:18:28
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answer #5
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answered by mary texas 4
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I agree about staying elsewhere, but what I also believe is that she will resent you if you continue to bad mouth him, just be there for her when everything goes to hell, and it will, as you know.
2006-11-08 16:15:17
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answer #6
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answered by ? 3
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they should be upset with you....you just sit and watch ..your daughter knows how to treat her son better than you.
2006-11-08 16:14:58
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answer #7
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answered by Anonymous
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hotel or hostal would work....or have daughter and baby visit you.
2006-11-08 16:12:36
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answer #8
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answered by I'm Trying 3
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