teenager daughter hates me?

Question

I have a daughter who is 15 going on 16 in march, she is living with family friends at the moment the family friend has temparary coustody for school pourposes , she has made some allegations on my husband and my son so she could stay there longer because she does not want to leave , I went to court 2 days ago because the family friend wants me to give up my parental rights I REFUSED!!
and the judge agreed , now I have to go to counseling with her to make things better between us , she really hates me I feel, how can I make some head way with this child , l love her so much and I feel like I have been replaced in her life and I am not wanted anymore, also this child is very spoiled and she gets everything she wants from this friend and I feel like they have won her over , now im in the cold looking for a way to get back in her life to make things right I just dont know how to go about doing this any suggestions???

Answer 1

OMG!! You totally did the right thing by not giving up custody to those people. They made it entirely too comfortable for her there, so she would be foolish to leave in her eyes. Your her parent, and I suggest you take back your daughter. If she refuses, you call social services and say she's on run. Let them know the situation, and the address that she is staying at and also let that family know that you are no longer supportive of her staying with them. If they continue to let her stay there, they will be charged for aiding and abeding a minor without parental consent. She may have to be placed in a foster home, or even a juvinal facility for awhile untill she comes to her senses. But that is her choice, not yours. You just want your daughter to come home, if she is able with these pending alligations. Now, if they are just alligations and nothing has been specified about where she is to reside, then she is to come home. Man, I hate how people seem like they are on your side as a parent, and then they turn it all around like that! Talk about a slap in the face...

Answer 2

You poor woman. Well this is the age when they start to act out. I am not even going to lie I did the same thing. Counceling is the best answer. You need to get to the bottom of the problems and have them addressed and soon. I know that you feel like she hates you but no matter what no one can replace the love of a mother. When she grows up and becomes a little more mature she will know this. The pain is hard but it will go away. Tough love is sometimes better. Dont give in to her until you know whats going on. When she comes to you refer her to them maybe then she will wake up and realize what she has thrown away. When a child starts to make allegations towards the males in her family there is a deep seeded problem that she does not know how to express without getting negative attention. Deal with this quickly before you end up becoming a grandmother before your time because it sounds like this other family will let her get away with murder. I will be praying for you please let me know how things turn out. God Bless and Good luck

Answer 3

I feel for you so very much!!! I have my own story along that line. What you need to know is that God is with you all of the time. Trust It's process. Trials are to build us up to be better people. I know that the time span can be long & hurtful. I've been there & still am. It's going on five years for me with my (step) daughter. I don't think that she really hates you, but she may certainly think that she does. Do not give up your parental rights!! In your daughter's heart, she knows that being spoiled isn't being loved, but she is not willing to see that. Keep telling her that you love her, even if she rejects; it hurts when it is rejected. Your "family friend" isn't one, or she wouldn't want to take your child from you. I know that your pain is deep. Have a minister counsel you for how you feel & helping you to be guided by God. Have a support system; it helps. Take care of yourself.

Answer 4

When I was that age I had huge issues with my mom. They never got that bad that the courts were involved but I did move in wit h my father, we have a great relationship now though.
My concern is why are the courts involved and why is there an injunction so that she can go to school. I do not want to judge or say anything harsh but I would be taking a step back and trying to see what is happening in your life for things to go this way?

Answer 5

I hear you, (figuratively of coarse!).
I suggest you may want to decide what you alone will do as a person first, not mom or wife; (this helps in the respect dept. as mom's can be put through the ringer at times like this). You may be caught between other relationships (husband, son; family friends); don't take care of those other relationships with your daughter, they can each do that. Keep on good terms with your daughter as much as possible without surrendering fairness to yourself (your values); that way you keep mutual respect between the two of you and getting everything she wants can't get respect as easily, it has to be earned between two persons.
Sounds like this is a cover for something else gone wrong: maybe learned misbehaviour or an unhealthy issue at home (every family has issues at times to work on I think!)
Take this time out as an opportunity to re-look the issues again, do this weekly as more info comes about; info may change, although you don't have to share everything, be honest as much as possible with yourself. Counselling will help, take every opportunity to do this with her as she agrees or you alone until she agrees; great for destressing.
Hooray for the judge! You don't ever have to give up.... that's your choice and your parental right! Hang in there, good luck.

Answer 6

Once she's in your care, don't let her see them. You'll be her guardian. What you say, goes. Take her out to dinner once in awhile. Talk during dinner every night. Ask her how her day went at school. Make sure she knows you're there for her. Definitely see a therapist together on a regular basis. Some boundaries and rules need to be set. You have to make sure she follows them, even if she doesn't like it. She has to be aware that even if she doesn't like it, she can't go running to this family friend every time something doesn't go her way. Her lying about your husband and son will eventually get her into trouble. Good luck.

Answer 7

Here's the thing, pack up everything belonging to her in your home into a large suitcase (making sure you have stashed anything she would need contact with you to retrieve) Drive the lot to the people looking after her, drop it at the door, smile, tell them thanks for the care,/attention/gifts/ da da showered upon her! Ask to have a few minutes with your daughter, tell her you are overjoyed to know she is now mature enough to make informed choices,kiss hug, good luck, I'll always be here (with my rules) if things don't turn out......smile, wave, and when you get home cross your fingers she wakes up to herself! Most kids do, the biggest shock to a kid that age is that you call the bluff!!! luck!

Answer 8

To be honest, just keep showing how much you care about her. It may not hit her until she's in her twenties, but if you continue to love her and do what you can for her, maybe she will open her eyes and see what she has missed. Because you can have a thousand friends, but only one mother. She's young, you're not, so don't neglect her like she seems to be doing you. I don't know if this helped or not but I hope things get better for you.

Answer 9

My daughter went through a similar phase at the same age. It is just something some girls go through. She is now 27 and we are the best of friends. All you can do is to be there for her if she needs you.

Answer 10

I think the counseling is probably a really good idea. Just be sure to listen to what she has to say, try not to get too defensive, and try to understand where she is coming from. You say she made 'allegations', are they true? Did you believe her? Perhaps she thinks you haven't done enough to protect her?