I have been trying to help my son since he was 15. I really need some advice on how i may be able to save him, i love him with all my heart & he was the most wonderful young man before drugs got a hold of him.
2006-11-08 15:17:45 · 14 answers · asked by Wendy L 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Your son is screaming silently for help. Hopefully the hospital admits him into a treatment program. However, your son needs to help himself. This will only happen when he is ready to accept help. I am going through something similar to this with my own daughter.
Good luck to you and your son.
2006-11-08 15:29:51 · answer #1 · answered by caked4u 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There's a program out there unlike I've ever seen or heard of. It's called Reformer's Unanimous. It's a Faith Based Addiction Program. Meaning the coordinators use the Bible and God's promises to help those who are addicted. I know it sounds off the wall, but I've personally seen many recover from their addictions because of this problem.
I am not against rehabs or detox or anything. If you can get him in a rehab by all means I would do it in a heartbeat. However, when he gets out, it's important to get him into something that will enforce a lot of what he learned in rehab. I know there's Narcotics Anonymous but this RU program is more than just a weekly meeting, it's a change of lifestyle.
2006-11-08 15:30:48 · answer #2 · answered by Tiffany 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to do an intervention with him (like the tv show) gather family and friends together and have a treatment facility lined up and more or less beg him to go, as a group tell him why you dont want to lose him and how you all will help him, pretty much force the issue that he goes, cut off any supply lines that you all provide him if he refuses, its tough and so many addicts dont make it on the first try.
I wish you all the luck in the world, be there for him but dont make life easy for him.
2006-11-08 15:30:28 · answer #3 · answered by Snakelady 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is tough. My son is 20 and I'm still trying to figure that out.
Luckily, we became legal guardians of my son when he was 18 so I can legally make him go to rehab. He will be going for a minimum of six months. He also started at 15. And he's been on and off ever since. Sometimes you can't save them. When he gets out of rehab, he can no longer live here. That's the best we can offer him. I will not live this way any longer.
2006-11-08 15:23:47 · answer #4 · answered by goldielocks123 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YOU can't help him. Just like any addict, they have to want to be helped. It usually takes the addict hitting rock bottom before they realize that they need and want the help. You can even be what is considered a co-dependent if you are trying to help him on your own. If he is a danger to you or himself, you should have him entered into a rehab - one that he can't check himself out of. The only way he will kick the habit is to seek professional help - and you may just have to be the one to show some "tough love" and either put him in psychiatric care or go as far as having him arrested (for example, if you know he has drugs in the house, he could be arrested for possession). I know that sounds brutal and I know you love your son, but he needs help - and you don't have the skills or the ability to help him. Remember, he has to either hit rock bottom, want help or be forced to get help. Also remember - once an addict, always an addict. God bless you both and I hope that you and your son get the help you need.
2006-11-08 15:26:17 · answer #5 · answered by MissyChele 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
As a recovering drug addict myself, the best thing you can do for your son is to first, tell him you love him, but you are not going to love him to death. Meaning you are no longer going to help him out in any situation. Do not give him rides, do not give him money, do not let him stay in your home. He has to hit rock bottom, his own rock bottom, not your idea of what rock bottom is. He has to want to change. Don't keep pounding it into his head that he needs to change, that will just bug him and make him want to get high, I know. He needs a change in atmosphere and friends to stay clean. Not to sound rude or heartless, I'm just trying to help you. Get involved with people in your town, there may be classes that you can go to for support and get ideas. Sometimes it is just good to talk to someone who knows about it. God bless you. Remember God won't give you anything you can't handle. You'll get through this.
If you force them into rehab when they really don't want to be there, it isn't going to do a bit of good. They will just learn different ways of getting high by talking with the other addicts in there. They have to do it when they are ready, and I know it sounds like you are just giving up on him, but you are not. You are setting the ground work for his recovery. Be strong, call a support line and get some more ideas.
2006-11-08 16:07:04 · answer #6 · answered by suchaprettyface11 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Once someone gets involved with alcohol or drugs I'm not sure anyone can do much if the person doesn't, himself, want to stop. It is never a bad thing if the person has some type of counselor or case worker he can stay in touch with. That's one more "voice of reason" that could possibly influence him or listen when he needs someone to listen.
Maybe the biggest thing you could do is not give up on him, and keep talking about how you want him to have a better life and how you love him. If he's got people "out there" who are ok or in favor of what he's doing, you could be one of the few influences left "from the other side".
Try to remember that one drug episode (while not great) doesn't always mean he's an addict. (I know you said he's been an addict, and I'm not contradicting that.) Sometimes, though, there can be the occasional slip up in the person who may be trying not to use drugs.
Encourage him to see any counselors or drug treatment people in his life. They may have a different type of impact on him than you do; but the more people on the "right" side the better.
Don't talk about his drug use all the time. Don't forget to talk about things that went on when he was younger and may have been happy. Talk about how important he is to you (I imagine you already do).
When he is doing something that isn't about drugs encourage him. When he seems to be leaning to drug use or an episode of it don't "enable" it if at all possible.
If he ended up in the hospital did the people there put him in touch with substance abuse counselors? I almost think being in the hospital could be a blessing in disguise if the situation was handled properly.
I just think if you don't give up on him or the person he once was or what you have between you, and if you keep saying and doing things that may reinforce all the good things; there may at least be the chance that won't "lose" him to bad influences quite as easily. I don't think a mother's/father's love is enough to rescue someone from substance abuse, but I think it may make a difference between things going in an even more awful situation.
Be candid with him about your worries, but don't nag. Try not to be judgmental.
Have you tried talking to a counselor who specializes in helping the family members of substance abusers? Maybe someone like that could give you some tips on what you should be doing (or at least on dealing with the situation).
You're in a situation that isn't just awful for your son, but its heartbreaking and awful for you to have to watch it go on. Don't give up. Keep trying to remind him of a better way of living and of how much you love him. Try to just have "regular" conversations with him when you can.
This is more than mothers or fathers can handle on their own, so my only real advice (other than don't give up) would be for you to get yourself some guidance about how to try to do what's right for him.
These days you are far from alone. Try to get as much outside help as you can, and don't forget that his substance abuse is something that is better talked about than swept under any rugs (I'n not saying you do that - just saying being open about it in the family is better.)
2006-11-08 16:22:04 · answer #7 · answered by WhiteLilac1 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Chuck E. Cheese may be a lucrative place, but it would be more of a "take a baby girl and leave your son behind with a note" instead of an actual trade. Your son will be fine as long as you give him a lot of tokens to show how much you love him. Just remember that you can't trade back when your 15 year old daughter comes home pregnant, or becomes a stripper. You are on your own.
2016-05-21 23:28:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need some serious intervention. However, he won't get the help he needs until he openly and truthfully admits that he needs it and that he wants it. We had the same problem with our daughter but she never wanted the help. We did absolutely everything we possibly could, but she died of alcohol poisoning at the ripe old age of 33. Wish you the best of luck ...
2006-11-08 15:28:16 · answer #9 · answered by Bill P 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask this question of your/his doctor, psychiatrist, mental health nurse . . . but not on a service like this. You will get a lot of bad advice and people will make all kinds of assumptions about your and his situation. It's easy for people to spew off stupid advice when they can hide behind their IP address. I hope to God your son pulls through this overdose and finds help. I hope you do too.
2006-11-08 15:40:40 · answer #10 · answered by sushi 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋