Is it wrong to not hold a child back just because you don't want them in the same grade as their sister?

Question

Okay situation is: My husband has horrible eyesight, yet the mother(ex) never took their kids in to get their eyes checked UNTIL the oldest daughters first year in Kindergarten, when the teacher said something. And the daughter did end up having a severe eyesight problem. Now both children are in school(kindergarten and 1st) It is a year later now, that same daughter has been in first grade for ONLY 3 months and the teacher is all ready suggesting that she needs to be held back because of her lack of reading skills. She is not sounding out the words but instead just taking a guess(saying the word "call" is the word "peanut")and "reads" them very quickly..which is why I think she is memorizing the books.
Now, my husband says "no kid of mine is getting held back"....and insists that it will cause problems if both of the kids are in the same grade. I feel like he is more affected by the thought of his child getting held back than the child would actually be!

I assume had the mother been working with the oldest in the first place, this would have been noticed sooner and this all could have been avoided, had the girl been able to actually see letters and numbers during her toddler years.

Answer 1

Maybe you should consider homeschooling the older daughter or possibly doing more work at home to catch her up.. Now-a-days its hard in some states, to properly teach children in public school to read, because the teachers lack the resources.. my 2 nine year old neices started home school this year because they werent being challenged in public school, got lazy, and fell behind... I was shocked when I heard them try to read, they can barely read..

Answer 2

Kindergarten is probably the best of all years to be held back. None of the new kids will know that it's a second year of kindergarten for your daughter, and it's very easy for most children to adjust to the new kids. There are a good handful of children in my school that were held back in kindergarten and don't seem troubled by it down the road. You could try to work with her extra at home. That could be enough, but if it's not and the teacher is still recommending repeating kindergarten please do so. Pushing a child through school without adequate reading skills only makes the child's life harder. It is not fun being the worst reader in the class. It's even worse when the child gets up into higher grades and still is unable to read well. I teach fourth grade and have one or two students that are not good readers (bad foundation). These kids are supposed to be learning to read to get information from textbooks, and can hardly sound out the words. Without proper reading skills, a child's education will be very painful. The higher the grade, the less time the teacher has to spend on basic reading skills. Make sure your daughter gets those necessary reading skills in kindergarten before she moves on. It's worth it to avoid the misery of being the worst reader.

Answer 3

It's unfortunate when a child has to be held back for any reason that was a lack of forsight. That said, the school should have a reading recovery program that your child can access. It would be benificial for you and your husband to sit in on a session so you can learn the techniques that they use at home. Extra word work everywhere is helpful, print is everywhere, anytime is a learning experience. Worst case seniaro, hire a tutor. I hope your husband comes to understand the teacher is not "holding your child back" she is trying to help her not face extreme pressure and frustration in gr 2 if she's no further ahead than she is now. Give it time, their minds are like little sponges, you just maay be amazed what she will pick up and how quickly it can happen.

Answer 4

You need to do what is right for the child and will get the child the best education. Advancing her if she is not reading well enough could be a big problem. EVERYTHING else that she will learn in school will be effected if she can't read well! Reading is where learning starts! It's the first skill she needs to master.

That said.....
3 mos into the school year seems very early to be talking about holding her back. Is there a reading recovery specialist at the school who can work with her? Does the teacher have suggestions for you to help improve her literacy skills?

Answer 5

Short and to the point sounds good to me. Maybe explain to her that the kid has been to a doctor and is fine. The school nurse should be testing her eyesight each year as well, so if the school nurse isn't finding anything ( you would definitly know if she did) then there is no problem. This teacher is a teacher, NOT an optometrist, or psychologist, or any sort of medical professional. She is not qualified to make diagnosises, or any sort of decisions about your childs attention span or eyesight. You will probably not be able to fix this problem. The teacher will not be willing to admit that she's wrong, and the principal will not admit that the teacher is wrong. You and your kid will probably just have to deal with it. You could go in and speak to her and make it clear that you and your daughter don't want to hear any of her crap, but that will just give you and your daughter a bad repution in the school district. If there is another 4th grade teacher in the district, you might be able to have your kid transferred to another class, but they tend to not like doing that. My mother had me switched out of 2 different classes when I was in elementary school, because of problems like this.

Answer 6

There are several corrective reading programs for a delayed reader. Reading Recovery is just one of several intervention programs. A remedial reading program is another. Sit down with the teacher and see what can be done other than holding the child back. The first step is to find out what causes the reading delay. Whatever you do keep in mind that this is very serious and should be corrected. I'm sure the teacher cares and only wants what is best for the child.

Answer 7

It's a bit early in the school year to say if a child should be held back. First of all, is there a Title I program for reading in the school (some schools do not have it, others have Title I for Math)? At risk readers can be helped a lot by a little small-group or one on one time.

Second -- while phonics is helpful for reading, it's not the only way we read. We also need to have knowledge of words, and what they mean (Understanding of Language), and Feel Safe with what we are learning -- and....we read when we recognize that a word is a word. Can she point to the words My Name Is XXX (fill in her name)? Or does her finger seem to glance over the words?

It's not a big deal if she doesn't have word to word matching yet-- it's just a guide for you to see what she can do. But it's a step to helping recognize that each word is an entity, and together they combine to make meaning.

Cut up that little sentence and have her put them back in order. Make little sentences like that (just one a day), read it with her, cut it up, and help her put it back together. This little exercise helps gain sight word knowledge, to recognize that words combine to make meaning, that each word is individual, but several words together make a sentence.

Read titles of books to her, and ask her how many words are in the title. When we talk we "group" our words together. New readers don't understand why what we say isn't what we see.

Mynameis Kali. The CatintheHat. Young children don't get that each of the segments is a word right away. Say, I think there are 5 words -- lets see. The -- Cat -- In -- The -- Hat. Just hold up a finger for each word and say it back. (You might ask her if she sees any words that are the same...)

Read, read read with her (and please, don't make her read if she isn't ready), play games with her that include words (bingo, concentration, etc.) and Support her. If she is behind, she probably knows this and is trying too hard to compensate. When you do read with her, and she seems reluctant, say "I'll read with you" -- and just read slowly while pointing at the words. Or say "I'll read this page, and you read the next (or sentence, etc.). SHARE the book and have fun with it. No pressures.

By the way, memorization is the first step to reading. Really. It's not a bad thing, but there needs to be support and new books introduced slowly. Books about Biscuit the dog are great for new readers. Even guessing a word is not bad -- but if the guess doesn't make sense -- tell her to look at the picture, then try the sentence again. OR say, "Does that make sense? Why don't you try again?" OR make the beginning sound of the word OR say the word so that she gains fluency. You want, ultimately, for her to figure it out, but you want to be a support person as she travels in this very uncertain and scary water. Be her life preserver for a little bit.

If the local college has an education program, see if they have students who are taking reading courses who need to tutor. Often they can do this at the school -- or you can take her to the college (this may or may not be free).

Some books about begining readers and helping them for all the adults in her life are

Mem Fox's "Reading Magic"
or
Frank Smith's "Joining the Literacy Club"

I've worked with hundreds of children, and I can't say she wouldn't benefit from being held back or not without evaluating her. There are many factors involved, which can be better determined not just by her teacher -- but by the other adults in her life, or other school personnel. I do have to say that I don't personally favor retention, but during this year (and possibly into next) she may need a mentor/friend who can work with her in a positive way while she gains the skills she needs. I am not suggesting the expensive tutoring places -- I am suggesting someone who can interact with her, and meet her at her level while working with her in a positive and fun way.

Answer 8

There's nothing wrong with holding the child behind, even if she will be in the same grade as the younger sibling. Here's a good example: My cousin had severe ADHD and was dislexic as a child. The teachers were "passing" him because he was a bad discipline problem and they didn't want to take the time out to work with him. This caused MAJOR problems for him that could have been avoided. If she needs the help, let them hold her back and hire a tutor to work with her reading skills after school and you and your husband need to work with her as well. I wish you the best of luck with this.

Answer 9

Due to " The no child left behind" act, your step daughter has the right to alot of help and her school has to by law provide it to her. Suggesting a child be held back 3 months after school starts is ridiculous! She needs help and her teacher is too lazy to provide it. There are alot of first graders who just dont get the concept of reading at this age. Contact the director of special ed. in her district and request help for her. There is no reason she shouldnt be given a chance. At this age, if help is gotten sooner than later she will be fine. Good luck and a big pat on the back for be pro-active in your step kids lives!

Answer 10

No it is not wrong to hold her back. You want her educated, not passed on and eventually lost in the cracks. Hold her back, and even get private tutoring if possible. If you can start the tutoring soon enough, you may even be able to avoid holding her back; this worked for a couple of children I have tutored in the past. Best wishes.