Would you address a superior who you've met but don't know well by their first name or by mr. or ms.?

Question

I've actually offended a couple of people in the past by being too formal in my emails, this is a pretty laid back person, but I'm not exactly sure what's appropriate.

Answer 1

It can't hurt to refer to them as mr. or mrs. Almost no one gets offended by being addressed more formally (truly offended, not the fake my-mother-is-mrs.-jones offended), but many do get offended by being addressed in a way inconsistant with their opinion of respect.

I typically go by either what they say (as in, if the superior himself refers to himself as "Jim" then that's probably what he wants to go by) or what others call him (and your peers - not people higher up than you - call him by his first name, I'd go ahead and do it).

In emails, I usually try to keep work emails pretty formal and devoid of personal comments. If I don't KNOW I should use first names, I almost always address them "Mr" or "Ms" (which is the most acceptable abbreviation for women, since it includes married, respectably unmarried, divorced, or widowed). Of course, when it's a coworker I'm friends with and we goof around in the office, I use a first name.

Answer 2

Depends on what is the norm for where you are. At Disney World you call every employee by the first name no matter how high up in the organization they are. Most other places it is Mr. or Mrs. If it is an informal situation or business and he calls you by your first name then it is all right to do the same. A person who wants to be called Mr. should have the respect to call others Mr. if he wants the respect back. •

Answer 3

It depends on the social attitude in the workplace. If others are on a first name basis with this person, then it is okay for you. But if they aren't, then use Mr. or Ms. If you're worried, ask them how they would like to be addressed. They may appreciate the respect you are showing them by asking.

Answer 4

Just try to read the tone of the person as you meet them... if they seem laid back then be laid back, then by all means be casual... If they seem stuffy then go with the Mr. or Ms. If you're unsure, then just be yourself... if you're a formal person, then be formal... if you're laid back, then be laid back. You are just as likely to get criticized for being too laid back as you would for being too formal.

Answer 5

In a work situation, it depends on where you're working. If you work for a retail store, or a small office, then I would imagine first names are fine. Or if you're working in a small business with few employees, I'd think it'd be fine as well. However, in a larger corporation, you might just want to ask the person. When someone introduces you to your manager Bill Jones, say "Nice to meet you Mr. Jones, or do you prefer Bill?" That's just my advice.

Answer 6

I would follow the general culture of your workplace and how other colleagues and superiors deal with each other. I think you can also follow on how the person was introduced or how they introduced themselves when they first met you.
For example I recently met our new general manager and he introduced himself as Brian when we met. I took that as a sign that I can continue to address him as Brian, rather than using the title Mr....... This is also typical of our workplace in general so I feel comfortable from using his first name.
Good luck

Answer 7

The rule of etiquette that I was taught was that if someone in a superior position addressed you by your first name or in an informal way; they were actually giving you permission to do so with them.
Example: Dr. John Smith addresses his patient by Joan instead of Mrs. Douglas. She technically has the right to return that address with John instead of Dr. Douglas.
We are not entitled to assume that our positions in life to demand that people treat us differently than they treat us. This is the sense of etiquette. Respect is mutual and earned, it is not an entitelment. I would have more respect for someone that is formal at first and gives me the opportunity to give permission to be more informal. That works both ways.

Answer 8

It depends on the individual. Some doctors may insist on a first name basis and vise versa! There's no harm in asking. It's actually better to do because you don't want to start off bad. Ask, plainly, how would you prefer I address you? They will tell you.

Answer 9

I usually use Mr. or whichever , better to err on the side OF manners and be corrected than the other way around.
plus... if you use a first name in front of other subordinates they may not be high enough up on the ladder to get away with it, so set a good example.

Answer 10

Since by definition no one is superior to me, I address everyone informally.

I do not address PhDs as Doctors - when they insist, (which has only happened once, with a total nimrod who must have sexed his way through grad school) I went out of my way to address them informally.

Usually medical doctors, if I don't know them, I will address as "doctor". Once I know their name, I usually address them by their first name.

The only exceptions are Professors and members of Clergy. I'm formal with them.