I have a dad that needs to be cared for, He is impossible. I live in the country,he loves the city. I don't want to put him in a nursing home. I am his last resort. Remember he is hard to please and is difficult at times.
2006-11-08 14:00:05 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I forgot to mention. I took him out of a nursing home before. His doctors put him in there. I took great care of him. When I took him from the home he was 92 lbs. I got him up to 130 lbs in a few months. He decided he wanted to be with his son. Now he's back in a pickle. I am a widow with many stresses.
2006-11-08 20:41:38 · update #1
1 ask yourself why? Is he hard to please because of illness that he can't help? Or just because he's a jerk?
2) Does he need med care? if so can you provide it?
3) if you are married how does your parnter feel? If not, can you actually DO IT ALONE?
You may find that even if you had no reservations it may just not be feasible for you to care for him and still work - provide for yourself and keep your relationship healthy.
Does HE WANT to go to a nursing home? or to be with you?
I helped to take care of my grandparents until they passed away. I lived with them (to allow them to stay in their own home) and when they got worse had to get (hire) fulltime caregivers for while I was working and just to give me a break so I could care for myself and my son.
It's a lot of work... and older people who are losing their ability to be in charge and command the respect they once could, as they find themselves having to be dependant and unable to meet their own basic needs - they are grumpy, difficult, hard to please - so if he is that way to begin with - you may find him too bitter at this loss to accept any warmth love & help - I HOPE NOT!
It's a scary time for them - and knowing it's getting toward the end of the time you will have to share with them - I would not trade the time I spent with my grandparents for anything! I learned so much as did my son.
It's going to be hard for you - I'm sorry to say that - it's just reality.
Whatever you do will be painful. Parents are not perfect - BUT MOST OF THEM do the very best they can for their kids... They may have had crappy parents/childhoods too - and just didn't know any better. If you are all he has and his last and only resort - whatever you do I urge you to do what you can to help him and to find all the understanding and tolerance you can possibly muster - maybe if you just keeping showering him with love, you will smother his difficulty and help him to be happy in the time he has - it would be so great if you could find a whole new level of freindship.
But that requires his participation too - he may be past the point of being able to offer you anything - I don't know.
You're welcome to email me if you have any questions about govmnt programs, finding in-home help, picking a nursing home, dealing with medicare - all that stuff - I have some experience from helping my own.
Good luck -= I wish you the best and it's great that you care and are considering - so many just don't - straight to the home to die alone and afraid... you are a good person
2006-11-08 14:15:02 · answer #1 · answered by C L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would hire a home health aide to care for him. But spend time with him when you can. I understand you not wanting to put him in a nursing home. I worked in one for 4 years.
As much as they try to be good homes, they are under-staffed and sometimes under-paid care givers there. That makes the nursing home not as good as it should be. Perhaps even an assisted living home would be good, too. He'd be doing as much as he can on his own and they help with the rest he can't do. You'd just have to look into the requirements/standards of their homes.
I understand how impossible it must be caring for a parent. Older people are set in their ways. They are frustrated, upset and angry that they can no longer do the things they use to. And then their children have to help them. Just be as patient and understanding as possible. It's even harder if you're the only one that has to deal with this.
Once you've figured out how to go about caring for your father, whether it be finding a home health aide or taking him to a assisted living home, try finding similar people in your situation to talk to. They'll help you deal with this better as well!!
Good luck to you!! You must be a great daughter to be doing this.
2006-11-08 22:30:14 · answer #2 · answered by Jenna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know what im really amazed why are you having this problem, atleast you get to spend some time with your dad, me i never got that chance, when my dad was sick and he did not want to live with us because he cannot tolerate the cold weather my other siblings took care of him, and i did not get that chance to show him that i care and that i love him, and then he just died, just like that, i failed to show him that i was grateful,
why dont you just give in with what he likes, your dad needs to be cared for, if you leave him behind you would always think things through, since you dont want to put him into a nursing home then bear with it, your dad will not always be around, cherish the time you have with him eventhough he is very difficult to please, for me if only i could have that chance, and you have it, make the most out of your time together, youre his only family now, be there
2006-11-08 22:07:39 · answer #3 · answered by haringmarumo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what you can for him. If him living with you is too much of a strain, you may be able to get a home health care aide. If that still doesn't work, you might have to put him in an assisted care facility. But at least you will have tried.
2006-11-08 22:03:09 · answer #4 · answered by nikirr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Employ an experienced nurse to attend to his difficult temperaments while ur away..Please take great care of him while he's stilll alive. I lost my dad last year dec 13. Still missing him.
2006-11-08 22:05:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in a similar situation but i live in the cite and he loves the country.all you can do is do as much for him as you can and remember that they took care of you in till you was old enough to leave and chances are you was more difficult then he is now.
2006-11-08 22:06:04 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take care of him yourself and dont put him in a nursing home. trust me, i lost both of my parents at a young age and i would give anything to have had more time with them. i would gladly take care of them if i could. while they are still alive you should try to make the best of it and enjoy them
2006-11-08 22:04:02 · answer #7 · answered by I know, I know!!!! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey for your sake and his you should put him in a nice nursing home and just go visit him a lot it would make it a lot easier for the both of you.
2006-11-08 22:49:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is your father and just remember that when you were young and couldnt care for yourself he and your mother did it. Now it is your turn........be kind and do your duty as a loving daughter :)
2006-11-08 22:06:12 · answer #9 · answered by classy&sassy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋