I have a friend that used to be on drugs really bad and she has really straighten her life up. She's been clean for almost two years now. Her daughters grandmother (fathers mother)doesn't want to face the fact that she has changed for the better and wants custody of the child. The father and the mother have 50/50 custody of the child. The father is in jailbecause his mother let him borrow her car and called the police and told them he stole it just to get him out of the picture so she could have custody. The grandmother, at the time, didn't know that the mother and father had already agreed on the custody situation and now she can't drop the charges because the state has picked them up. So the dad is sitting in jail hoping to get out next week. The grandmother has hired a private investigator to follow the mother around to see if she's doing anything wrong. My question is, should I tell the mother about the private investigator? If it was me I would want to know, would you?
2006-11-08 13:03:12 · 10 answers · asked by wendy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If she finds out that knew the whole time then she would be mad at me for not telling her since she's my friend. But then again maybe she would understand.
2006-11-08 13:33:36 · update #1
This is very sticky to say the least. I know that I would want to know if one was watching me, BUT stop and think about this...say you hired one your self to follow someone around and somebody else told them that they were being watched. There for you have more or less spent your money for nothing so to speak. So....IF that person that is being followed is not or has not been doing any wrong there should be nothing to worry about. Then after the investigation is done and that person was not tipped off and nothing worry was found....then you could always say ..."I told you so"....but on the other hand IF something is found out then it might have been for the better of the child's welfare.
Bottom line...I would leave it alone and let the investigator do their job.
2006-11-08 13:28:13 · answer #1 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I certainly would. I obviously don't have all the facts, but the grandmother sounds like a canniving and interfering old cow. I realise she has concerns for the child, but her way of going about things is totally inappropriate and unacceptable. Also, I trust you know for sure that the mother has cleaned up her act and will be best person to raise her daughter? If so, tell her immediately that her mother-in-law has hired a PI and don't let the gran get away with such underhanded scheming. What kind of role-model will she be for her grand-daughter anyway? Think about only what's best for that little girl and act on that knowledge..good luck!
2006-11-08 21:20:46 · answer #2 · answered by salstick 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
By reading your post, it already appears that you have a bias to the mother and that your loyalty is with your friend. That is a strong bond and your commitment should be with your friend. However, what if the mom really wants to confirm for herself using a PI that her daughter is clean. The information provided by the PI could actually be helpful to your friend. Private investigators only report what they see. If you friend is clean she has nothing to worry about and the private investigator's report will only confirm that. However, what if your friend really isn't clean and she's kept it from you as well? You are in a tough spot. Does anyone else know a PI was hired? How did you find out? One concern I would have disclosing this information to your friend is that the "truth" might become distorted or manipulated.
Jimmie Mesis, Editor-in-Chief
PI Magazine
2006-11-09 09:27:19 · answer #3 · answered by pimag 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW. This is one hairy situation. First of all, someone needs to contact the State's Attorney's Office - and let them know someone was framed in this case. It may not go anywhere but it may.
Secondly, the welfare of the child is the main priority. I wouldn't intervene in the investigation, incase the grandmother is correct in her suspicions. It would be a terrible thing if you interfered, and the child ended up the victim, in the end.
If that were me (your friend), and I was sober for two years, I would have moved away from the family, to give my family a fresh start without the interference of parents/grandparents.
2006-11-08 21:12:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes. sounds like someone is being vindictive. but if she really has changed for the better, she's gonna need all the friends she can get right now. My hubby and I are fighting for custody of his son.
2006-11-08 21:13:44 · answer #5 · answered by ReRe 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes you do need to tell her for she cant watch was she is doing cuz sometimes people do things that dont seem wrong and other people might interpreted them different. long story short for she can watch her back
2006-11-08 21:20:47 · answer #6 · answered by veli0407 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well i would waznt to know but i say no!! dont because your mother had lied and gotten someone in trouble something they didnt do.... NO! dont =]
2006-11-08 21:06:00 · answer #7 · answered by kadelgiacco 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you just answered you own guestion, if something happened, she finds out you knew, that would be the end of that little friendship!
2006-11-08 21:31:09 · answer #8 · answered by Lace 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her thats mom no secrets from mom.
2006-11-08 22:13:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd sure want to know.
2006-11-08 21:07:17 · answer #10 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋