how do you forgive, when the hurt and scars are still there and has been there for years?

Answer 1

The hurt and scars will always be there. Forgiveness is a cognitive choice to act differently than you feel. Over time this becomes easier to do. Look at the mennonites who had their children murdered...they forgave even though they were grieving and had deep emotions and hurt. They believe there is no other way to live. Jesus said "forgive them father for they know not what they do" Now this does not mean we put ourselves at risk for further harm...ie we don`t continue to live with a violent partner just because we forgave them...

Answer 2

Forgiveness is hard whether it's a new hurt or a very old one. Unfortunately not everyone heals the same way. Some people can just drop the hurt ... easier said than done. But focusing on just the hurts will make it even harder to forgive when you do get the chance.

Think back on the things that hurt and left scars, and think about balancing in some of the good times. They may be real hard to find but if you look and look honestly you can find something that was a bright spot. Use that to balance out the hurt. You may never understand why some you loved and trusted could hurt you but by at least bringing it back to a more equal state you hopefully can find a way to let go.

You can also try writing a letter, and pour the pain and anger out into it. Don't hold anything back. Put the letter away somewhere and when you feel you need to read it again in a quiet time. The idea is that over time and while reading the letter in different circumstances you can shift your perspective and find release.

Then of course there is the find someone you trust and talk honestly, cry if you need to but let it out. Holding any pain like this in isn't good for the body or the soul. Hurts and scars don't define who you are, you do.

Good luck and I hope this helped at least a little.

Answer 3

I know what it is like for you! forgiveness can be the hardest thing we can face especially when the other party doesn't feel that they have not done any thing to be forgiven for. The hurt goes way down inside and it stays there. The only thing that heals the hurt is time and lots of it. The best way I found was to take up new interests and enjoy the achievement that they can bring as it helps to keep your mind off the problem. I'm a firm believer in the old verse that "whatsoever a man sows that also will he reap" as what goes around comes around and the people who callously hurt others will eventually bring about their own end and when it comes there will be no one there for them. Try hard not to dwell on the problem as the longer you do the bigger it grows but only in your own mind and you don't owe the other party anything and they have no right to be occupying space in your mind as to entertain them in that way would be counter productive. Take comfort in the fact that time will work it out for you so try hard to forget it and move on to better things. Remember, time wounds all heels and time heels all wounds too! Good Luck

Answer 4

hard one!

what helps me at times is this:

1) sit back and try to remember some real bad thing you once did to someone else (by accident or on purpose).

2) feel really bad and guilty for what you did at that time

3) try to figure out if the person that you hurt at that time has forgiven you, or is angry forever with you

4) did you get away with it?

5) are you an overall bad person for hurting that person? no?

6) now, turn the other way and try to figuring out if the one that has hurt you is an overall bad person, or an overall nice person (who made the big mistake of hurting you).

7) do realise that all humans make mistakes, some of these mistakes are real bad, but some mistakes were not intended to make you suffer for so long.

8) if none of this works, because you are sure that it was all for the purpose of hurting you...... the best revenge is to move on with your life and to not let him/her get to you any longer.

Sending you a hug

Answer 5

threw prayer my Dear,thats the only way i could move on is pray everyday for God to remove the Anger and hate I had for that person because of the way I allowed myself to be treated!Shame on me and I had to forgive myself first forstaying as long as I did and put up with it!You see,before you can forgive anyone you have to forgive yourself for putting up with it!It will change{The Anger and hate}Just pray everyday for god to remove those feelings and help you forgive that person,But just because you forgive them,Does not you have to like them or ever talk to them!Good Luck Sweety,And God Bless,Hollywood

Answer 6

i have to agree with hoolywood,,but still grudges hard to get rid of,,but in someways they protect us fom letting things happen again