A good friend of mine is now engaged. She dated her man 6 months, but new him since '99. She's had so many bfs, I'm not sure if she knows what love is. In the last 2 years she's had 7 including her fiance. It seems sometimes she bosses him around. Should I speak up? Does her engagement sound wrong?
2006-11-08 11:45:26 · 12 answers · asked by Artsy 1 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
it is important for you to address these issues with your friend because you truly love her...but you have to make sure she understand you are concerned because you CARE. She might not take this well or might think you are jealous, but if it isnt right hopefully eventually she will see that before they are married.
2006-11-08 11:54:19 · answer #1 · answered by loodoogal 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yikes. Yeah, it sounds like she may be a bit of a butterfly. Is she planning on a long engagement or on getting married soon?
Unfortunately, expressing concerns over impending weddings is one of those situations where messengers often get shot. My experience is that even though you and everybody else can see a train wreck about to happen, the people involved can't and don't appreciate having it pointed out.
You can try, though. You can see if she's receptive by saying something like "Denise, I'm concerned about you." If she asks why, you can then continue on with "So-and-so seems like a great guy, but I'm worried that things may be going too fast, that you haven't even had a chance to get over your last boyfriend, Edward, running off with the stripper." Or whatever.
If she isn't receptive, though, and she's hostile or tries to laugh you off, it may be a sign to not push it. She may interpret concerns about her getting married as disloyalty and cut off contact with you, which would be bad. If your gut is right, her marriage may not be made in heaven and she'll need a good friend like you before it's all over.
Best of luck to both of you -
2006-11-08 19:56:24 · answer #2 · answered by IrritableMom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
actually, you have to be happy that she's engaged already. time for her to be committed. that's why people play around before they get married because oneday they know they will settle down. besides she's the only one who knows that the guy who porposed to her is the person she wants to be with the rest of her life. so, just wish her the best of luck and guide her. don't say things that would hurt her. the least you can do is to let her know how lucky she is inspite of what she gone through, she finally found her prince charming.
2006-11-09 01:42:09 · answer #3 · answered by K 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know someone who married a guy who was overheard at a party the week before their wedding saying he didn't want to marry her. Everyone was afraid to tell the bride, so nobody did. He went through with it and now just weeks later they are separating. It might be wise to speak up.
2006-11-09 09:22:43 · answer #4 · answered by CincyJen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you and her have a close relationship, you should talk to her . Tell her you think she is making a bad decision and tell her why. But you also need to be prepared for her to follow through with the engagement and marriage, and be there for her if it falls apart.
2006-11-08 20:15:08 · answer #5 · answered by mssgtmidnight 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As much as you don't want to see herr hurt, you can't save her, and it's really none of your business. I know that sounds harsh, and she is your friend, but she's going to make her own decisions and her own mistakes. You can prevent her from making them...she will learn from them. And if she bosses him around? Oh well, that's between them. I know it's hard not to want to help her when you think that you see everything so much clearer than she does but...it's really between them.
2006-11-09 00:37:59 · answer #6 · answered by ixi26c 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you can offer friendly advice but in the long run its up to her to make the decision to marry ... if she's had that many b/f's than she's probably looking for love or to be loved and will do just about anything for it .... be a friend but don't push your advice ...
2006-11-08 20:40:50 · answer #7 · answered by emnari 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unless she asks you for advice it's best to keep it to yourself. It's just going to start trouble between you and your friend and they'll probably still get married anyways no matter what you say.
2006-11-08 23:39:59 · answer #8 · answered by molren 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your probably not married and your jealous. Go ahead and tell us all when it's ok for us to get married, oh wise one.
2006-11-09 03:40:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If she is happy and he is happy, it is none of your business. Now if either one of them is unhappy then intervene.
2006-11-08 19:59:47 · answer #10 · answered by autumn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋