I am currently in a relationship for the past 5 years, i cant seem to imagine not being with him, however lately i have been having some sencond thoughts about all of this. I love him to death however he seems to keep lying to me about how long he is going to be out. comes home when he wants to, i am not talking all hours of the night but he says i be a hour and hes been 4 something to that nature. What bothers me the most is he is lying about wheres he at. He leaves with his dad and says he going one place but ends up at another. I am not sure on what to do everytime i try to talk to him he just gets mad at me and we end up in a huge blow out. I want to leave him but at the same time i dont cause i love him. Does anyone have any suggestions??
2006-11-08 11:24:15 · 19 answers · asked by njchic1025 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i am reading all the repsonses and eveyone seems to go for the cheating thing, let me expalin a little more, I know its not cheating it has to do with drugs the trust i do not seem to have aas much is because he started doing drugs, i got him off of it for a while and i think he might be going back to it. Ex. he left at 5 today and said he was taking a ride with is dad, its now 8 and hes not back. I tried calling him for about 1 hour before i got a hold of him and he finally answered his repsonse was the volume was down now i know that is b/s, however now he just told me where he is and what he is doing, problem is that he is getting drugs for a friend and then is coming home. I know this person and he probably is getting some for him but why is he lying to me. Thats why I think he is doing them again. If he told me before he went he knows that i would of argued with him then, thats another reason why i think there is lying, Any other suggestions ??
2006-11-08 12:03:40 · update #1
5 yrs is a long time, so it seems like if you love him it would be worth it to try to work things out.
Rather than confronting him when he does something to make you mad, talk to him at a neutral time when you two are just hangin out. Tell him what upsets you, and suggest what the two of you could do to fix it, and see how he responds...
2006-11-08 11:28:01 · answer #1 · answered by eileezy2002 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Communication is key in a any relationship. You have to let him know that you are putting in time and effort to try to make it happen and you feel that he isn't when he lies to you and goes out often. However, you must also consider his side. Why is he not telling you where he's going? Is there something you may have done that might have led him to do this? Also, are you meeting each others needs? Do you give each other adequate space so that you are both free to do as you wish but still be in a relationship? If you are not, then you will suffer because the two of you have not allowed each other the opportunity to live independently while remaining a couple. So you see he may be going out because he wants his own space and wants to do his own thing, but cant because if he has to answer to you all the time it would feel like you are his mother as opposed to his girlfriend.You wont know however unless you ask him. In the end i don't think you should break up with him if you can both speak and communicate your issues to one another. That is what will make or break your relationship. Now if he refuses to communicate with you then you have to stand back and consider whether or not this is a man you really want to be with. Once the two of you sit down and talk, you will know as much as you need to in terms of keeping your relationship together.
2006-11-08 19:42:20 · answer #2 · answered by Wheres the Rum Gone? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you dont know for sure what he is doing, you have to give him the benefit of the doubt..maybe he just lies about where he is going cus he knows that if he tells you you will get mad...but there is always the possibility of him cheating..but because you dont know for sure, you shouldnt go pointing your fingers or blaming him for things you dont knw..i think you should try and work it out and just tell him exactly how you feel about him lying..the issue of him taking longer than expected shouldnt even be an issue..its not a big deal..i do that ll the time..i tell my husband ill be an hour and take like 4 hours..but anyway,,if you love him you should try and work it out..but if you cant handle it or wont talk to him and listne to what he has to say, then just dump him and move on..
2006-11-08 19:30:57 · answer #3 · answered by sinful vampyra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit him down and talk to him calmly, if he gets defensive, that's usually a pretty good sign he's hiding something. If he's not willing to change or account for wherever he's at, knowing how much it bothers you, I am afraid you would be better off without him. You sound like a very respectable young lady and most guys would probably die to spend their time with YOU instead of out running around all the time. Good-luck and remember that all relationships are based on communication.
2006-11-08 19:30:38 · answer #4 · answered by Mustang Sally 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Theres this great buisness where they send "spies" to track him down. They get this hot girl and she asks him to go to a motel or something, and tells him to tell you that he's just "going to make a payment" or "going on a buisness trip" then they get you and put you where they are suppose to meet and when they start getting serious, you jump out and catch him. If he doesn't agree, then he's not cheating on you, but you should still be more cautious about that lying to you. If he doesnt crack up soon, threaten to leave him, if he does'nt care, leave him right there on the spot, if he really loves you like you love him, he'll change, it's not worth being hurt like that, trust me.
2006-11-08 19:33:19 · answer #5 · answered by death_taru1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart.... get the respect you deserve. Tell him clean cut... either the lying stops or you're out of there. Don't bother arguing. If he tries to pick a fight... just keep your cool. Stay strong and be consistent. If he loves you, he'll straighten up... if he doesn't straighten up, chuck him and find someone better. It always seems like you can't live without them, but trust me... you can and will, and eventually you'll find someone who treats you better and that you can trust!! Good luck.
2006-11-08 19:29:35 · answer #6 · answered by Dally4now2006 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you don't have such a great "relationship" any longer. What are you trying to do? Do you want to completely control the guy? If he's not into that, you're fighting a losing battle. I think it's time for you to move on. Or let him go - for good!
2006-11-08 19:33:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it's drugs, that just sucks.
If it's something that you can live with, better set the ground rules NOW.
If not, you really don't want prolong the relationship. It will only lead to a lot of pain. Give him a choice, you or the drugs. One chance.
2006-11-08 23:27:01 · answer #8 · answered by raysny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, make sure he's lying to you cause you don't wanna find out he's not then you'd make the huge mistake.Then if he is lying to you about where he is, then you should leave him. Once he has the idea that your ok with him lying, he's gonna think he can do it again.
2006-11-08 19:29:34 · answer #9 · answered by Kai-Kai 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it could mean a lot of things.. the best advice that i can offer you is talk to him and find out whats going on.
or tell him how you feel about the situation that have happen
come to an understanding let him know that you worry about things like this....
2006-11-08 19:27:59 · answer #10 · answered by wsmoreno 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋