I am about to lose my last shred of sanity!!!!!! Fellow Parents (or brilliant people)PLEASE HELP??????

Question

My 7 yo has gotten kicked off the bus AGAIN! (he threw something) So for punishment, i made him do some of my chores since i have to wait around for him tomorrow for an hour to pick him up. This lead to massive screaming , crying, backtalking, and a tempertantrum that i'd rate a 8 on the "I'm close to losing it too" scale. I held him on my knee until he calmed down, all told, this fiasco took nearly 2 hours (over a 10 minute chore) Does any one have any ideas on ways to deal with a child that's driving you bonkers???? I don't need to be told to spank him , we tried this tactic years ago and all that happened was he started spanking back. There are moments i am tempted, but i know it's not the answer. Thanks.

Yes, we consistantly follow through on concequences. And that makes it frustrating too! I can't understand why he keeps trying the same crap when the outcome is always what i say it will be. I guess he's hopin' and prayin' one day he;'ll get lucky and i'll cave in.

My husband and i are on the same page regarding our son. It just turns out i'm home more.

Answer 1

Behavior modification. Take something away from that he likes or likes to do and put up a chart for a week stating that he will not get the item back if he does that behavior again. If he acts up do not give him that item back. I would sell or give the item away and not replace it.

If behavior modification does not work you may need to take him to counseling. He may be going through some type of emotional problem.

It's good that you are taking time to find out ways to handle this. You are a good parent.

Answer 2

My son will be turning 7 in 3 weeks's time. He has a bad temper and flares up at almost anything. When he's unhappy about something, he would cry loudly without stopping until you offer him some kind of treat. I get complains from teachers in school all the time and recently a call from the bus driver saying he's been hitting another kid in the bus. I felt like I was shouting at him all the time and it was exhausting. I was on the verge of breaking down cos nothing seemed to work.

One day while he was in his best mood , I sat him down next to me and I spoke to him calmly. I asked him why he did all those 'naughty' things in school and on the bus. Usually he would just stare blankly at me and not say a word. But I asked him nicely a couple more times and he explained that in school his classmate had theatened to tell the teacher he did something bad if he didn't do what that classmate wanted him to do. He believed the boy and did what he was told and naturally the boy told on him. He also explained that the boy in the bus would purposely irritate him before he alight the bus and so he had to retaliate. This led to the boy's mother (while waiting for the boy to alight) saw what my son did (but no what his son did earlier) and complained about him.

From these incidents, I realised that my son was no all that bad. He was naive and fell into the other boy's trap. Perhaps you can try talking to him about the incidents that happened which made you upset. He's old enough to know right from wrong and I believe by talking to him calmly you should be able to find out exactly why he is behaving the way he did.

Hope this suggestion helps.

Answer 3

Some where along the way when your child was 1 1/2 to 2 years old, you were unable to convince him that he wasn't in charge of his life and that you his parents are. It sounds to me like the child still believe that he's in charge not you. As if he's saying "what right do you have telling me what to do?"
He is using the only weapons that he has, temper tantrums, crying and the like to control you and dominate life around him. If this thinking and behavior doesn't change what will he use as a teenager to control you? He will be to big and strong. Then what will you do?
We all have to learn to live in society, obeying laws, acting civil and this is best taught at home when kids are young. Now is the time to modify his behavior.
What to do? I know what I did.
No means NO!! "No" doesn't mean wear me out until I give in. There is so much to share that I can't here and now. I do know that the first 5 years of a child's life are the most important years of their lives, and that his obedience should already be apart of what you've taught him. We all have to live with the consequences of our actions and there are some hard life lessons ahead for this child if you don't find a way to get through to him.

Answer 4

OK to be the devils advocate could he possible is being harassed by other children on the bus. Usually means there being teased My son went though something like this I followed my son one day on the bus he always sat in the back and what I saw was he was being pelted with hits in the head and when he got off the bus the same kid pushed him off the bus.
The bus driver did nothing. When I question the bus driver he had seen nothing of this. So what I did is I requested another bus for my child to go on funny how this resolved it self then
.
Ask your kid and tell him you want to hear his side of what happened. I would take away TV or favorite toys then to make him to do chores.
Have him earn back by good behaviors every day No complaints from teacher or bus driver they could even sign a note you make at the end of the week. Suggest this to the school. I also did this with my son. If he didn't come home with a little note and teacher signature then NO Privileges
Little boys at this age just don't have good impulse control anyway.
Also this may sound funny but ask your child if his bones hurt, if a childs bones hurt they act out more. We had a child in our church always acting out My husband is a chiropractor and he started adjusting the child once a week for about a month then follow up 1 time in 3 mts. His behaviors became better and better, child became a Sears’s male model for kid’s clothes totally able to control his behavior.

Also there is some essental oil from Youngliveing.com called peace and calming a drop between the eyes on the bridge of the nose and a little on the back of the neck seems to work with taturms I use it on my grandchildren when they come and withen 5 minutes they calm right down

Answer 5

I was just like that as a kid. I got kicked off the bus a few times too. Anyway, I remember absolutely hating it when my mom ignored my tantrums, which made me scream louder. I used go rounds with her all the time. For some reason, I found it kind of funny to make my mom mad. But once it started to get serious and I could see how angry my mom was in her eyes, I would want to back down, but I figured I was already in too deep to get out now. I know this probably isn't much help, but I would find a way to keep him in one place (shutting him in his room, holding him in your lap with your arms under his and your leg crossed across him [thats what my mom used to do] etc.) and once he starts to settle down (might not be much) ask him if he would like to just do his chores and end the fight now. He'll either say yes or no, if he says no, just keep him the way you have him until he agrees. The most important part is to stay calm through the whole thing. It will be hard, but thats the main reason it workd\s. Good luck.

Answer 6

You didn’t spank him. You don’t know what a spanking is. You think a few swats is a spanking, therefore you have never spanked him. All that happened was that he “spanked back” is absolutely hilarious.

A spanking should be long enough that the child is sobbing (bawling) like a baby long before you are done. He should be thinking “when is she going to stop.” This is something that should be remembered, and feared from ever happening again by the child. When you are done you should have a little crying boy rubbing his bottom with tears rolling down his cheeks and not one that has the slightest thought of “spanking back.”

Once your child realizes that you are the boss (call “parent”) and he is the child (“not the boss”) things will change.

Until then society will keep your child away from other children that parents discipline to fit within society.

I know that you think your child is different, but mom it isn’t the child, it’s the parents. It’s time you teach him how to fit into society and if that means a spanking every day, then every day it should be. You will find that you’ll seldom have to spank as just the threat is worth a hundred time-outs.

Answer 7

Did he get kicked off the bus because he was being playful or was he angry about something? If he is being bullied and acting out because of this give him some extra support. Empathize with him. Talk with the bus driver, his teacher, the school counselor, or principal. If he was being playful, he is just trying to gain some attention and feel powerful. Help him to feel powerful by saying things like “You did that by yourself! You worked on that for a long time! You ran super fast! Look how many colors you used on you painting! You did your homework so neatly!” These phrases are great confidence builders, great ways to show attention, and great ways to help him feel powerful.

Try and use natural or logical consequences whenever possible. Having him to your chores when he is kicked off the bus is not a logical consequence. That is why he got so angry. The punishment did not fit the crime. The consequence for him throwing something on the bus was that he got kicked off and that you were not very happy about it. End of consequence. It should not have continued at home. Here are some examples of natural and logical consequence. If he throws a toy, it gets taken away until he is ready to play gently with it. If he spills his milk, he cleans it. If he damages something in the home, he does things around the house to pay off the damages. Taking away a toy or privilege is not a logical or natural consequence unless he abuses that toy or privilege. It won’t work and will just cause more anger and resentment. Always let the consequence fit the crime committed.

You’re right about not spanking! Spanking is a form of punishment (you controlling him). He needs to be disciplined to learn self control. When he throws a tantrum, screams, or cries, Temper tantrums are caused by children who are not getting their needs met. If they are not throwing a tantrum because they are ill, hungry, or tired, they will throw a tantrum because it feels powerful, they get attention for it, they are testing limits, or they are simply feeling frustrated.

Avoid punishing or threatening. When he throws a tantrum, do the unexpected. Either walk away or move him to a quiet place (his room, the couch) and say “When you are ready to calm down then you can come back.” Say nothing more than that. This is not a time out because you are not setting a time limit (you controlling him). He returns when he is ready to control himself. He could be getting even angrier because he feels you are trying to control him. You may have to return him to the designated spot before he gets the message. Keep it up!

Empathize with him when he has calmed down. “I can tell you were feeling very (mad, angry, upset, hurt, sad, frustrated). What can we do about that?” Do some problem solving and give him words to use. He will then learn to better express himself.

Set limits, follow through, and offer choices, not chances. Pick you battles! You can say “Do you want to do that by yourself or do you want some help?” "No" should mean "No" the first time you say it. Say "Yes" as much as possible. Be patient and consistent. I hope this helps! Good luck!

Answer 8

Sounds like he may have ADHD. Take him to see a specialist and have him checked out. Although a few tantrums are normal at around 6, what you describe sounds like he is having problems controlling his anger about something - or fear or anxiety - and probably after two hours would not even remember what he was in such a red rage about.

A lot of people, I see, are trying to put the blame on you - they might be right, or they might not - if you tried spanking when he was around five that is the wrong age to use that and I'm pleased to hear you don't want to go that way!

I would want to know why he is misbehaving on the bus enough to get turned off. What is his behaviour like at school? Are his teachers having problems with him?

I say take him to a Behavioural specialist. A good one will suggest things you can work on together and ways of dealing with it so that you both can cope. ADHD has a continuous spectrum from 'normal' to 'severe' ... sometimes medication is useful, sometimes it's not, but I'm sure that you will get some fresh ideas and a feeling that someone understands your problem (and his).

Answer 9

first of all, i dont have kids so i am not particularly adapt to your situation. However, from a person that has seen how Americans raise their kids and other parents, I am in shock while american kids should be let off chores.

1, they are part of the family and unless they dont consider themselves part of the family and dont want to help out even with chores, then there is something wrong.

2ndly, to initiate chores for your kids, tell them what your day is like. Once they realize that your day exceeds their day in work, or hope they realize it, then say "Mommy is very busy and if you could help do the chores, it would be a huge help to me." I know its like laying a guilt trip on your kid but its justified. And plus, it is dispicable how some people dont know how to do chores in college so dont let your kid be one of them.

Thirdly, dont give in to your kids tantrums so easily, he'll just learn that throwing them will get him off the hook all the time. Ask him why cant he do chores and if his answer is "cause ive never done them" or "im too lazy", then that is unjustified. If hes like, i have a lot of homework, then he better be doing homework.

Answer 10

Have him checked for every possible health/mental health problem to make sure the problem isn't organic. Get a referral from his primary care and get the school in on it too. They should have already suggested screening him if he's having bus and/or school problems.

Once that is out of the way I suggest a (hear me out) dog training technique that also works with kids. Its called "Nothing in Life is Free."

The idea is to start from ground zero with the kid and his priviledges, treats, everything--even things like tv and electronic games that most kids take for granted and don't see as a special treat. Good behavior is rewarded immediately with the giving of a priviledge. Bad behavior and it gets yanked. Right off the bat give him opportunities to earn stuff.

The goal is to teach the kid that YOU control all the resources in the house. What he eats, if he has tv or a favorite toy. You control the resources. He has to earn tv, video games, dessert, etc.Providing that there is nothing wrong with your son and he is just misbehaving, this should help.

He sasses you, screams when its time to turn off the tv? TV is gone until he can show he is well-behaved enough and mature enough to watch it.

Takes off on his bike when you say time to come home? The bike is locked up. Can't lock the bike up where he can't get it? Take a wheel off and put the screws where he can't get them.

Give him every chance to do good stuff. I know he is driving you crazy, but try to catch him doing something RIGHT several times a day. At night before bed, read him a book and when you cuddle tell him 5 concrete things he did that day that made you happy or proud---no negatives.. Ask him what his favorite part of the day was.

This does work--provided the kid can control himself or learn to----but a doctor will have to tell you if he is capable.

Answer 11

Consistency is the key, and I believe the best thing to be consistent in is... SPANKING... wait, just hear me out.

I was a very rebellious/belligerent child from the get-go. Suspension or putting me in a "time out" didn't work; I would just defy them and walk right back out. Because of this, everyone spanked me... my grandfather said that he spanked me more than all his children and grandchildren put together. It didn't work for years, but they were consistent in it. I believe if they had not spanked me, I would have ended up in prison or worse. As it is, I have had zero infractions of the law in my life (not even a speeding ticket). But, they also gave me lots and lots of positive reinforcement (that is just as important). I love them with all my heart and I'm so glad they wailed on my bottom... I really needed it.
Those people who give those rubbishy arguments against spanking don't have a clue. I have a super high self-esteem and spanking didn't teach me to hit... I got spanked for hitting people. Look at how the children are ending up these days. Just how many school shootings, violence, rebellion, etc. have we had from children who were not spanked? As people quit spanking more and more, these things will continually go up more and more. Just look at the statistics from back in the days when people spanked.
And by the way, “Spare the rod and spoil the child” is a line by the
17th century English poet Samuel Butler, not the Bible. The Bible says, "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him" (Proverbs 13:24). But I definitely believe that both statements are true.